Not Officially Engaged but still Planning

My FH and I started booking things before we were "officially engaged" but we had the conversation that it was going to happen (obviously after paying deposits and signing contracts together we knew it would be). He later "officially" popped the question, which was still a surprise moment! If you are both on the same page, then I say go ahead and plan away! I would wait on the save the dates though, maybe just a casual conversation with your family and friends to inform them about the date and send an official one later?

This is probably gonna come off as rude but even though I had a Pinterest and all that jazz I refused to indulge my FH in wedding planning until we officially got engaged. I knew we were going to get engaged he even took me to look at rings to get an ideas but to me until it was a done deal I didn't want to plan anything to avoid the frustration that you are experiencing. IMHO I'd wait to at least have a real conversation before you plan anymore. Just my two cents though so take it with a grain of salt but I think it'll be way more fun to plan when everything is official.

Your already engaged if your planning a wedding? and have a date all set and congrats to both of you

Her post also says, "we've been lowkey planning our wedding." To me that sounds like her boyfriend is well aware of this and seems to then be on the same page.

@OP my FH has been very involved in planning, so I know at least in my situation there is no doubt that we are on the same page. I would just ignore those who read a little blurb and think they know more then you do about what's going on.

I know we're on the same page, and all my close family knows we've been planning, too, I was more concerned with the time we need to plan for a destination wedding, and if it's too unconventional to plan when there's no proposal story to tell

IMO when you start talking about rings, venues, vendors, etc you're engaged. Not every couple has the magical proposal that society thinks needs to happen. Deciding on getting married is 2 adults making the decision to be with one another forever. We had no proposal. FH didn't get on one knee. We just knew. We announced it of course to everyone when I had my ring. Good luck

You don't need a "proposal story to tell." Just agree to get married like the two sovereign adults you are. Bam--you're engaged.

I totally feel you there with the impatience! My fiance and I have been talking and "planning" (just coming up with ideas and mostly looking at stuff on Pinterest) since three months into our relationship. I've known he was the one since just around the beginning. We knew what our colors would be and I even had bridesmaid dresses picked out, and we had a pretty good idea of our date "Fall of 2018"! Well I started getting impatient when I knew he had the ring (I picked it out and we put it on my credit, although he's paying for it) and he still hadn't proposed. We bought the ring in February, and he didn't propose until June, so by then I was already starting to get nervous that we would run out of time (since I am going to graduate in May 2018, I won't have much time to plan around school). I don't think it's bad to plan ahead of the proposal, but I would definitely wait to send out STDs until after you get engaged. That way you'll have engagement pictures to use for them and you'll get a chance to officially announce it. But super long unnecessary post just to say "don't worry, go ahead and book stuff" Congratulations!

I have to 100% disagree that you're engaged if you're planning a wedding. You're engaged when you're SO asks. Until then, you're just pining for the future. My FH and I have been together for 16 years.. 16. We've been talking marriage for 16 years, we made tentatively plans, pinterest boards, looked at rings, etc... but, until he asked me it was just a far off dream.

I suggest you take a step back and see where your SO's mind is. Wanting a marriage and being able to afford one, both financially and emotionally are two different things,

I would not send STDs before it's official. If I got one from a friend that wasn't engaged I'd be like unmmm what am I missing. If you guys are so sure it's happening that you're planning the wedding why hasn't he made it official? He could propose with a CZ and upgrade your ring later.

Until both parties say "yes, 100% we are engaged and getting married on X date" then you aren't engaged. My mind always goes back to my ex - we toured venues, had a guest list, had the wedding finance talk with my parents, and went ring shopping twice... and guess what, we broke up. Is that a broken engagement? No. You two can talk about plans until you're blue in the face but until you both agree that you are engaged, you aren't.

As long as he is aware that you are planning all this, then seems like no harm. However, I do feel like he should actually pop the question first to make it official before you put any money down. He needs to prove that he is really ready for this commitment.

"Agree to be engaged/get married" is not the same thing as "proposal."

You can have an agreement without a proposal. That's what we did. We started talking marriage, decided to go for it, and then we were engaged. Nobody proposed--it was a mutual decision that we made together.

You can also have a proposal without an agreement. Popping the question doesn't make you engaged; you have to accept the proposal and agree to marry.

But if you have both agreed to marry, then congratulations: you are engaged.

UO - You are not engaged unless one party asks the other to get married and the other party agrees. I know a lot of people like Laura who talked about getting married, talked about dates, and wedding ideas and it ended badly.

That is probably not you, but before you start putting money down make sure. Also make sure both or your names are on any big vendor contracts you sign.

Wait

Aw we're wedding twins! 8.18.18 is a big date. It's the last one until 10/10 2020 ppl may think you're a little weird but I say started looking at stuff online. In real life I was engaged in my head months before he actually asked and I had ideas of how I wanted it to be -but I hadn't picked a date- I hadn't looked at venues-just general ideas. I definately wouldn't send the save the dates but have an idea in mind

@Dana G. Yeah! 8/18/18 will be our 7th anniversary on the day!

Sounds official to me. Congratulations!

To go back to answering your original question, I wouldn't send save the dates yet even just based on how soon it is, but definitely you can research venues and all that! I'm in the same boat as you, we know it's coming, but he still needs to save money and give his parents time to get used to the idea. But we've already talked about when and where we want it to be and such You can definitely start researching lots of things, but I would wait to actually pay for anything or sign contracts. You don't have to wait for a ring, but wait until you've at least announced being engaged so family doesn't get offended that they didn't know!!

Not everyone gets the Fairy Tail down on one knee surprise oh we're getting engaged. My engagement just like yours was a conversation. I've been with my FH for now five and a half years and a year ago we were sitting on the couch talking about our future. I asked him hey do you want to get married soon what do you think about that and then he said yeah that sounds great let's go check out rings and then I got my ring. So yeah you're basically engaged if you guys can afford a ring right now I was just going to regular band because not everyone gets a huge diamond