Not Officially Engaged but still Planning

You're putting the cart before the horse. It's exciting to plan but don't short change yourself the excitement of being engaged when it happens! It's such a great feeling even if you know it's coming. I would wait until it's officially official!

Hate to break this to you but if you don't have your venue booked yet you don't have a date

UO, if it's just been talk about someday wanting to be married and he hasn't EXPLICITLY said it and you guys both agreed to solid plans to marry... don't act on it.

Getting married next year was his idea. He was going to propose earlier this year around spring break time, but was having some financial issues so couldn't afford a ring. But he's become infinitely more stable financially since then, and I'm just not sure if he's waiting for our anniversary which is coming up or for something else

So to those people that think that you aren't ever engaged unless one partner proposes to the other- there was no proposal between my H and I, we just decided together after much discussion that it was the right time to do it and started planning. So by that logic I guess we're not even married? Because I'm pretty sure we signed a marriage certificate.

My FH never really asked me either. He just came home one day with a ring and said here now everyone will know I want to marry you. Lol.

Congrats!! We started planning our DW around the 1 year mark of our actual date. We started most of it about January after the holidays. You can easily do it in a year.

For a DW (assuming most if not all people are not local to the area) I would send your save the dates earlier rather than later. Make sure you have a hotel block booked at that time. I would send an insert so they can book early and plan travel. We actually found out that more people are planning to attend than we anticipated because of this.

I would make sure that it is "official" before booking anything as things could be over-complicated if maybe you were not on the same page as your SO. FH and I were looking before we were officially engaged but nothing was official until it was official (and had my dad's blessing, we are very close.)

For some vendors, I used the vendor tab here, but I also used gigsalad for my DJ and steel drum player. Was very helpful.

GL OP and congrats!

As long as the feeling is mutual I say go for it

I totally can empathize with your struggle! My FH asked for my parents blessing in march (I was fully aware of this). After discussing logistics of when the Navy will be moving us, we realized we needed to get married before next summer. Knowing that one year out is the time to start planning, I went ahead and got started. I didn't actually book anything (except a reserved date at venue) but that's because we haven't been able to get his leave approved and set an official date. A couple of those closest to me knew we were planning but I didn't tell everyone else until I was officially engaged. I know what you mean about the proposal story. Wedding vendors don't ask, but my family and friends certainly did.

My FH did this too. He had this proposal he was dead set on and he made it happen. So I got my proposal and started planning a little early. It's not so bad. Congrats!!

I wouldn't sign anything until he pops the question.

Same situation happened with me... we booked venue last May (2016) because we thought the date 7.7.17 would fill up quick and didn't officially get engaged until February of this year and we just got married last Friday. It all worked out as long as you know it's going to happen before your date I would book things

I would wait if I were you. You referred to him as your "boyfriend" which means you don't even think you're engaged. Just because you're dating and discussing marriage doesn't mean it's time to actually plan the wedding or move forward with meeting any vendors or venues. Don't put the cart before the horse. Discuss any and all plans with your boyfriend.

I was in a situation like Laura K. Together 3 years. Discussed marriage, discussed a date. Both families thought we were getting married. We started looking at venues... then we started arguing a lot, during one argument he said "you know I never actually asked you, right? So I'd stop planning if I were you" we had picked out rings, guest list, budget, venue.. then he just completely changed. I was crushed.

Being together for years, saying you agree you want to get married isn't always the precursor for it.

My FH asked my parents and son for permission, we looked at rings together. We know we're going to marry. Proposal was low key and my ring is being redone with the stone I want.

I'd definitely suggest speaking to your boyfriend first to 100% make sure you're both on the same page. I agree with Pennysmom, referring to him as boyfriend kinda shows you're not even sure.

I wouldn't put a dime out for a wedding if you are not engaged. No proposal, no engagement.

I understand your dilemma- similar situation. We have a date, location, and a vision, but not an actual proposal. It's more that he is in denial about how long planning a wedding will take, he wants to wait for the "perfect time" to ask me, and to save for a ring, However, I am aware that a wedding takes at least a year to plan, so I've started making lists and comparing prices and looking over timelines and all that jazz. But I would hesitate to put any money down, sign any contract, or make a STD until you both are officially engaged. Plan and organize to your heart's content, so that when the time comes you can say "BOOM! READY" and plop down a binder, but don't open yourself up for catastrophe should something go wrong.

I think everybody is different. My FH aren't formally engaged yet, but that is only because the ring is being sized and, he has big ideas for how he wants to propose. However, in order to get the venue we wanted at the time we wanted, we needed to book now. We also booked our entertainment. We are not low key or quiet about it, because we are both so excited to have an amazing wedding at a place that means a lot to us.

I would however wait until you have a contract and deposit for your venue before sending anything.

Hi, if you're certain, definitely go ahead. I was in the exact situation. I stopped planning because I felt he wasn't going to ask. I didn't want to be foolish. If I knew then what I knew now I wouldn't have stopped. Get little essentials now. Things add up. You'll be happy in the long run. Again, if there are no doubts, don't wait. In the end, you know what's best for you.

This whole thread is ridiculous. Y'all, please stop normalizing this crap and making excuses for men who don't have the courage or don't love you enough to either propose or let you go and find someone who does.

Buying a dress and picking a date and booking a venue aren't what make you engaged. One person proposing to the other and the other accepting is what makes you engaged. What are you going to do if you get to December and he still hasn't asked? You going to send STDs anyway? Try to force him to marry you, hoping he'll feel too much pressure to back out? Does that sound like a happy marriage to you?

If you want to do something to speed up this process, then ask him yourself. His action or inaction will tell you what you need to know.

I am with Lissy on this one.