Offers to help pay for wedding

That's a tough one. Since they've offered, I would bring up the wedding planning and let them know you are going to start booking stuff soon and see if they offer to pay for specific things... Otherwise, I personally wouldn't flat out ask for the money.

Since they offered, I think you can say something about wanting to book a venue and is that offer still on the table? If yes, that's awesome and ask them how much they are able to contribute or if they want to contribute to specific things. I definitely wouldn't wait until the end, because they could change their mind or something could come up for them where they can't give as much money as they thought they could and then you are stuck. Don't spend above the budget you put together unless you have money in hand from them.

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Hi Deirdre! Thanks so much for this. We feel weird asking for the money, but they've offered several times now. I'll reach out to see if they're willing to help still.

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We feel weird asking for the money, but they've offered several times now! We're visiting both of our parents over Memorial Day weekend. I think we might have to suck up the venue deposit on the credit card. My mom's cousin is a DJ, who offered a family discount. My FMIL's across the street neighbor does wood flower bouquets. So maybe we can see if they'd be willing to cover those two expenses. The photographer we want is also a coworker of mine and may offer a discount, too. (I work in journalism, and he's been a photojournalist for like 10+ years. Not just a rando coworker with a camera)

I would bring up the venue, and how you guys don’t want to miss out on securing the date by not having the deposit. Mention what the deposit amount is, and ask how much of that they feel comfortable contributing. You could also mention the well laid out plan you have. I think it’s fair, and you shouldn’t feel bad since they offered.

If someone has offered, I think it’s fair to go back and ask what they had in mind with the offer. It’s a bit of an awkward volley but as long as they’ve already indicated help, it’s fine to ask what their intentions were (as long as you : graciously accept what they’re offering ...even if they changed their minds and back pedal). Remember the general rule of thumb: don’t count on money til it’s in your hands

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I would agree with Allie. Just another heads up generally when families pitch in they like to have say for what it is spent for and how it is done. It pretty much gives them a say in how your day goes. So keep that in mind and set boundaries early. It could be fun to take them to venues with you OR food tasting. Get them involved in the process and share those moments. Might open them to contributing right then and there to book, so you can forgo the awkward cash convo

^^ my conversation also isn’t directly asking FOR money versus asking for the concrete details of their offer. Still awkward, i know, but less awkward than saying “hello can I have a big check now” — in the course of the conversation you could say that you wanted to know so you know how to proceed with upcoming deposits (this actually was part of how i finally got a number out of my parents. They kept saying they wanted to help, but no details. When I was talking to my mom about being ready to put down a deposit, she said “we can write a check!” and I said “lolol I’m not sure the amount of this check is exactly what you had in mind— it’s a big one!” ...there was a bit more back and forth but I eventually got the number out of her! Hah)

ALSO just a note that it may be worthwhile to put the deposit on a credit card either way if they accept either equally so then you have some protection in (the extremely unlikely!!) case anything goes wrong (Like venue going out of business or something). We put everything we could on cards (but paid the cards off immediately) for this reason (as well as for rewards POINTS!)

Dont wait til the end.
Approach them and ask if they still want to and if there is anything specific they want to cover or if they want to give you a specific amount.

View Quoted Comment Right, we know not to count on that money. That's what our buffer is for. If we have to stay in our small apartment another year then so be it. And was for your second comment, we were planning on putting most things on our miles rewards cards and paying it off immediately. We just started saving, so we wouldn't be able to pay off the deposit right away

View Quoted Comment Our parents are part of the reason we might go over budget. Our initial estimated guest count was 35. Only immediate family (no aunts uncles cousins - grandparents ok) and close friends we see often. So we would have had lots of wiggle room. But both sides want us to invite other relatives, and that's why we may end up over budget.

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*sigh* that's what I'm afraid of. My FMIL had a lot of say in my FBIL's wedding last year. She's a really awesome person, but I just don't need all of her dance teachers at my wedding or the all of the parents of my FH's friends. we had originally wanted to elope, then decided on an intimate wedding because my FMIL said she didn't want us to elope should have just eloped instead of asked for permission.

I would say since they’ve offered you can go to them and state how you really appreciate their offer to help and we’re wondering what sort of contribution they were willing to give and if they would prefer to help pay for specific items of the wedding (ex: FILs are paying for the DJ and rehearsal dinner for us)

I would bring up wedding planning with these people and see if they offer again. And if they do ask what they wanted to help with? If they don't have a specific amount of offer (as in I'll pay for the venue or flowers or whatever) then ask what is a comfortable amount for them as you would like to start booking and being able to plan accordingly.
Also know that if they do contribute a lot of people think they should have a say in the wedding. So just be careful about that. Some people don't but some people feel oddly entitled of they offer the help.

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My FMIL is hosting the e-party, so that's a start! haha. But yes, that's another good way to approach it - see if they want to pay for specific parts of the wedding.

I just sat down & talked to our parents after they offered. I just said I didn't want to expect too much or put them in a bad spot.

Our parents both offered to help when we got engagement. We then had a conversation basically saying how thankful we were and how much they realistically wanted to help. Together, we came up with a total budget, and each couple (us, his parents, and my parents) pay a third. This is what worked for us. We also get along really well with both sets of parents and we just included them in decisions such as venue and guest list (they each gave us about 10-15 friends they wanted to invite and our total is at about 150). I have to acknowledge though that I know my situation is probably unique in how drama-free or demanding it has been.

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Aww, that's so awesome! I'm happy for you

I know for a fact my parents won't be able to help much at all. They couldn't really help me with college, which is fine. But as others have said, I'll definitely sit down my my parents and FFILs to see what they can contribute, if they're still willing.

View Quoted Comment I really wasn't expecting my parents to help. They couldn't help with college at all either, but when they found out future in laws were helping, they wanted to as well. We definitely have a smaller budget than average.

Good luck! And just try to let things fall naturally.

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Hi Hannah! We don't expect our parents to help either. But they did offer, and why not accept if they're willing, right? hah!

We're trying to have a small budget, but everything is SO expensive!