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Expert August 2020

Officiant bringing a guest?

Angel, on July 20, 2020 at 10:02 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 19

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Hello! So our wedding was postponed, but we’re still getting legally married on our original date, with just our officiant and MOH as a witness. None of our family is coming. I was emailing with the officiant about the details and she said, “My fiancé will be with me as well.” - I’m sorry, what?! We’re “eloping” on the side of a mountain with none of our family, and she’s bringing her fiancé? In the middle of a pandemic? Would anyone else be thrown off by this or am I overreacting? How would you respond? It’d be one thing if she asked if she could bring her fiancé, but she didn’t. it’s my wedding ceremony?!

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19 Comments

Latest activity by Crystal, on August 31, 2020 at 7:29 AM

Dedicated May 2022
Charlene · on July 20, 2020 at 10:08 PM
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I would definitely ask first but she's probably bringing her fiance for safety reasons, especially if its on mountain. Anything could happen to her and you guys would have no way of contacting her family. Your not overreacting because she didn't ask🤷🏾‍♀️
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Master October 2022
Jana · on July 20, 2020 at 10:16 PM
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Vendors typically don't bring their spouses to work. But it could be safety reasons due to your venue.
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Master April 2021
Michelle · on July 20, 2020 at 10:19 PM
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Not sure what state you’re in but most require 2 witnesses. You’re officiant cannot be a witness & if you’re only bringing your MOH, there needs to be another witness. Find out the requirements of your state. If they only require 1 witness than tell her that her fiancé cannot come. If they require 2, either you bring another witness or use her fiancé....good luck!
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VIP December 2021
mrswinteriscoming · on July 20, 2020 at 10:52 PM
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This is weird! I don't understand how her fiance would be there to assist with safety anyway.
As Michelle said, you may be required to have another person present as a witness, in which case I am sure you would rather have an additional person of your choosing attend rather than the officiant bring her +1.
I would be direct with the officiant and ask what purpose her fiancee is attending for (given it is an intimate elopement and that officiant's do not ordinarily bring their partners) and advise that you will have an additional person of your own choosing attend if you need a second witness.
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Super June 2020
Renee · on July 20, 2020 at 10:55 PM
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No you aren’t overreacting. But I feel like it’s a safety precaution for her. Maybe her fiancé will be driving with her and not physically attending the ceremony. Just ask her.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 20, 2020 at 11:11 PM
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I would also find it kind of weird
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Expert August 2020
Angel · on July 21, 2020 at 1:08 AM
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And that would be more than uunderstandable if that was the case, but it’s totally not sketchy or a dangerous mountain whatsoever, so that’s unlikely!
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Expert August 2020
Angel · on July 21, 2020 at 1:09 AM
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Yes, and that’s what I was hoping for but if that was the case, I don’t see why she would mention it. I did ask, waiting for a response!
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Expert August 2020
Angel · on July 21, 2020 at 1:11 AM
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Yeah it’s not a dangerous mountain or anything of that extent. And yes, we just need one person which is why the MOH is coming. I did ask, waiting for her response!
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Expert August 2020
Angel · on July 21, 2020 at 1:13 AM
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The only reason why my MOH is coming in the first place is because we needed just one witness, so we definitely don’t need her fiancé! Lol
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Master April 2021
Michelle · on July 21, 2020 at 12:37 PM
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Than tell her that her fiancé cannot come. That’s crap for her to assume that she could bring a guest!
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Expert August 2020
Angel · on July 21, 2020 at 2:01 PM
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Yeah, I was so surprised when she said that!
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Just Said Yes February 2020
Katie · on July 21, 2020 at 2:32 PM
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That would definitely rub me the wrong way! Are you looking at getting a different officiant if she’s insistent? It does seem presumptuous if there’s no factors in which she would need someone to help her like a driving disability or something. Let us know what she says!
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Expert August 2020
Angel · on July 21, 2020 at 5:57 PM
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Glad I'm not the only one who feels that way! I was definitely caught off guard when she said that. I pondered on how to phrase what I wanted to say regarding her bringing her fiancé, because I didn't want to offend her or come off rude. So, I ended up just saying "We definitely wouldn't want anyone else there, mainly due to the pandemic." and all she said was "Ok, sounds good." We were talking about some other details within the same email, so I'm hoping she doesn't just brush it off and still bring her fiancé. I couldn't care less if he came with her and waited in the car or something... but, definitely don't want some random person standing with us.
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Expert May 2010
Theresa · on July 21, 2020 at 9:05 PM
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Your elopement is your wedding day. Even if you have a bigger vowel renewal later, this will be the official day that the two of you begin your lives together. It is a special day being celebrated by the two of you, with your MOH. Even though this person is your officiant's fiance, how odd and distasteful would it be to have some random someone there that you don't even know. That would be bad enough at a large wedding where you could more easily overlook him, but at an intimate elopement, where he'll stick out like a sore thumb and always be invading your memories of such a special day? I don't think so.
If I were you, I would call the officiant back and say something like, "just so we're on the same page, you aren't bringing anyone else to the actual ceremony, are you?" She may well have thought that when you said you didn't want anyone else there, you meant no one else except her and her fiance. You need to be clear, just in case.
I think your choice of "venue" sounds beautiful. Congratulations to you both!
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Devoted October 2020
Crystal · on August 28, 2020 at 9:53 AM
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Is she a friend of yours?

I could see if she was letting you know for safety, but it’s really weird and unprofessional.
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Master October 2022
Jana · on August 28, 2020 at 10:32 AM
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Were you able to find out her reasoning? Another possibility that was not mentioned is bringing him along as a legal witness for the paperwork she files as required by your state if you don't have one. But that should not be assumed without asking you first.
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Expert August 2020
Angel · on August 28, 2020 at 12:16 PM
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She had literally no reason! She just assumed it was ok. How? I don't know. She knew I was having my MOH there as the witness, so that's not a possibility either. Very weird!
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