Officiant Consultation

We asked ours how his ceremonies typically go. He's a pastor so I needed to see what outline he follows, how much religious is involved (I know, pastor but FH isn't religious), and just a run down of what we can and cannot play in the church. Just a general idea.

And I would pay for his lunch, or at least offer.

Did he require an in person meeting? We marry couples from all over the world, and we do 99% of our meetings via Skype and/or Face Time.

Offer to pay.

Make sure the ceremony is what you want. Religious if you want or secular if you prefer. Ask if you can choose the readings (even secular can have readings they are just non religious). Ask if he requires any premarital counseling (some do). Ask about his fee and what that covers (does it cover rehearsal?)

@Celia, he didn't require it! He does Skype and FaceTime as well, we just happened to schedule a trip down to secure a caterer and he offered to meet with us. Thank you @Brittany & @NowASeptMrs!

Gotcha. if you message me with the new thingie here (crafty, eh?) I'll send you my article about how to pick and officiant, but you have to click. Personality, presentation; that is key!

And doing what you want, well.

I'm having a moment and for the life of me I cannot figure out how to message you. Is it because I'm not on the full site?

You can do whatever you like and maybe I'm cheap but I just came home from a weekend where we flew to meet our officiant since we are out of state too and I would not have paid for his lunch. We just met at a coffee shop and talked for about 70 minutes about the ceremony. Most expensive cup of tea I've ever had! Lol. No just kidding, I'm happy with him don't get me wrong but we would not have bought those plane tickets if he didn't ask for an in-person meeting. We have had one Skype meeting previously as well as a thorough questionnaire and will have one or two Skype meetings upcoming. I already trusted him. You don't need to buy lunch. Flying to meet is expensive enough. I don't know if your officiant realizes this. Or if ours did. I guess it's not as bad if you're shopping for caterers too! Good luck! I guess what is important is that you are happy with them leading the wedding and setting the tone. I am happy with mine but I think I could tell that already.

Here you go. Hope it helps.

How do we Choose???

You’ve said, “I will!” Now, how will you say “I do”?

Great question. Your ceremony is much more than just your ceremony. It’s a chance to thank your guests for being part of your day and nobody likes a boring thank you gift!

If you have decided to have a ceremony that’s not traditional, you may feel overwhelmed by the choices; not only what you will include in the ceremony but who will be performing it.

Of course, you’ll want an officiant who will be open to your ideas. Choosing wisely will make it much more likely that your collaboration will create a meaningful expression of your personality.

But before you can ask that potential officiant questions, you need to ask them to each other! Do you want a civil ceremony, or one that feels inspirational and spiritual without being obviously religious? Do you want to include family, guest readers, or Sparky, your giant poodle? Should you include musical interludes or rituals like unity candles, sand ceremonies, chocolate sharings or handfastings? Would you like to include readings, and if so, will they be biblical (which can be included in many ceremonies that are not strictly religious), poetic or literary? The more you can describe your vision to a prospective officiant, the more likely you are to find someone who shares that vision and can make it a reality for you.

There are a few ways to find potential officiants; obviously, you can look online. You can ask your venue or other professionals (your florist, photographer, DJ) about officiants they recommend (or at least remember!). If you’ve been to a great wedding, find out who did it! Collect numbers, look at websites, and narrow down your choices to a few people who seem like a good fit

Then you have to make the dreaded first phone call. (If that’s no fun, it is NOT going to get any better.) Are they enthusiastic about your plans? Do they encourage you to include the ceremony elements you’d like and suggest others that might be meaningful? Do they insist that you use specific readings, music or vows? If they mention this requirement in your initial conversation, it may be very difficult to get them to really create a ceremony that is truly personal to you.

If you’re still excited when you hang up, you should try to "meet" with the officiant, either by Skype, Facetime or (if you're local) in person. You can really explore the ceremony and walk through the different parts, from the opening reading to the recessional. You can not only get a sense of their approach to writing your ceremony, but how they would perform it! Their physical presence is very important; the way they speak, their confidence, the way they use gestures to punctuate their ideas; all of these come into play when they actually perform your wedding.

Then they should send you samples of their past ceremonies. And absolutely, absolutely, check out their reviews on one of the many wedding sites that post vendor reviews, written by couples. This will give you an overview of how pleased (or not) their couples have been. (But do keep in mind; one unhappy review may not be an honest reflection of their work.)

Ask about pricing and make sure that your budget can accommodate their fees. Officiants around the country vary widely in cost, but in all but the most rural areas, you should expect to pay 400-1000.00 or a hand written ceremony, delivered by an experienced officiant.

When you’ve found your perfect match (well, okay, your SECOND perfect match), get a contract, make sure you all understand the terms and payments, and send off your deposit. WHEW!!!! And then? Relax. Your walk down the aisle will be a joy, knowing that your ceremony will be a perfect reflection of you!

@Celia, you are fantastic! Thank you so much.

You're very welcome!