Officiant Help? Tell Me Your Stories Please!!

We had a friend do our ceremony and I would advise against it. First off, he did not take the prep work seriously. We got together for dinner and to write vows/script, and he announces, "Oh just email me what you want." Cue to the Thursday before the wedding and he finally is ready to rehearse. I wrote everything, he did nothing. The only saving graces were: The ceremony went off great, we are legally married and we had two guests who were officiants that I could have asked to step in if needed.

Go with a pro! I emailed some quotes to our friend and he comes back and says, "You know, I don't really like that." How about you shut it and follow my directions?? LOL!

It just caused stress on my part that I didn't need.

View Quoted Comment Thank you!

I want to see all the sides of officiant stories just for this reason!

We had by husband's brother officiate and he did an incredible job. We asked him because he has officiated at many weddings before and in addition to being a FT attorney, he is a part time actor. He is a fantastic public speaker and writer, so given his expertise and experience, we felt very comfortable with him. Our situation is not the norm, and I would be very hesitant to ask someone who is not experienced and not very comfortable with public speaking. The person also must be willing to do some research and spend time talking with you to be clear on what to do and what you want as a couple. While my brother in law knew us both very well (obviously) he still spent time talking with us to have a full understanding of what we wanted him to say and do, if we were writing our own vows or just writing something to say to each other (many couples misunderstand the difference), whether we wanted any religious or traditional aspects, if we wanted it to be funny, what was okay and not okay to say, etc. He was extremely thorough in his questioning, but again, he's done this before.

We had my cousin do it, and he was GREAT. We also are not very religious so we did not do any prayers or anything so it was short. He is a great public speaker in general, and he came up with everything he said at our ceremony, he even took it upon him to make up vows for us since we did not write our own, and it was great. I guess it really depends on how formal you want your wedding and if you trust your family member would be good in front of all those people and being organized enough to handle it.

We're having my Godfather officiate. We really wanted to be married by someone who knows us and is special to us. He's never done it before but aside from joking that he wants to dress like the pope, he's definitely taking it seriously.

Relative had one of her favorite law school professors "officiate" -- I assume it was legal, but other than that it was pretty awful. The entire ceremony was 3 minutes, and most of that she was introducing herself.... It was so awkward. 85% of the guests had flown cross country for the destination wedding. It was bad. Choose a professional who comes highly recommended.

I went to 2 weddings last summer that they had a friend officiate and it made me want to have a friend/ family member do ours as well. It was so much more personal and I'm not very religious so I liked that they didn't do the normal traditional stuff.

Our friends got married last year and they had their really good friend marry them. It was hands down the best ceremony I've ever been to. Our friends are super casual and they got married outside at an orchard/brewery and he nailed it. He was sweet, so funny and sentimental and got through their vows perfectly. And apparently, it was all off the cuff.

We met through our two really good friends who work together and we just HAD to ask them to marry us. They happily accepted. After their got their certificates, they reached out to me first asking how we envision the ceremony and hoping for rehearsals, so we trust them and know they will be on top of their game.

If you trust someone in your family to marry you two, I say go for it. Especially if you can't find an officiant. I know the last thing you want is for a family member to feel stressed or pressured, but since multiple people are offering, why not, right? They would probably be honored to do it.

We are having a friend of ours do that job and I’ve seen him before he is amazing! It’s just all about picking someone you know will be responsible with the job

I think part of that consideration is if your wedding is casual or formal. Unless they’re in theater or are well versed in public speaking, the internet ordained officiant generally will put off a very casual vibe. But I think it’s a super personal thing and really special, I actually love it. But if you’re wanting a flawless professional ceremony it’s usually not the way to go. Hopefully that helped some!

We hired a JP to marry us. He helped us write a ceremony that was unique to us and was very much about who H and I are individually and as a couple. Our officiant even made changes to how to present our ceremony at the rehearsal after finding out our ring box was a Death Star. I don't believe anyone who isn't a pro would have been able to pull it off as seamlessly. And I don't believe had we gone with someone who was not a pro that our ceremony would have come out as good as it did. Our ceremony was my favorite part of my wedding day and it was hiring a pro that made it so good.

Originally we had asked a friend to officiate. Thought it would be a great personal touch to our ceremony, a person I have been friends with for 20 years. However, a few months ago he came to us to break the news that he could not officiate. Due to a conflict of interest over ideas for the ceremony. I value his honesty and giving us time to arrange for someone new. It was frustrating at first, but we have found a new officiant and she is great. Taking the the time to give her our back ground will help add the personal element we are looking for, but she has an obligation to be there. I think that sense of obligation is important in getting what you want out of your ceremony.

Plus, someone who is experienced with performing a ceremony can help guide you along if you get stuck.

My sister's husband will be doing the ceremony for us. We are still 6 months out and he has taken it all very seriously! I have no doubt in my mind it will go smoothly.

Eek! This stresses me out a little. We're having a friend marry us and we know he'll do a great job, but now I'm second-guessing! Time for a meeting!!

We met through a mutual friend and decided to ask that friend to become an officiant for the day to marry us (we thought it was more special that way as opposed to having a stranger do it). I mean I did write out the ceremony. I would never ask a non-pro friend or family to have to figure out everything to say for my ceremony. I just think that's a lot of pressure. I also included stage directions and when other people were speaking, so he had the timeline of everything. Our DOC had some templates for the typical things said at ceremonies and we mixed and matched until we had a ceremony we were happy with. We then emailed that to our friend. Our friend was very moved to be asked and took it really seriously, so he practiced a lot prior to our wedding. We bought him a nice leather binder for the ceremony script that he could later use for work if he wanted to, so that made it look a little more official. We also did all the research on what he needed to do to get certified to marry us and what we needed to do for the marriage license, because I didn't want any of that stuff to be messed up and the wedding not count. We had no issues at all with the legality of our wedding. Overall, it was more work, but neither my H or I are religious and we didn't want anything religious incorporated into the ceremony. This made it more personal for us, because it was someone we both cared a lot about, bringing us together in marriage. For us that was more important than having a professional. Even looking back at pictures, I like having a friend in that place vs. a stranger. I know a lot of people out there have had horror stories, but I wouldn't have changed a thing for my wedding. Our friend is very well spoken and a singer in a band, so comfortable being in front of people and eloquent. I think those factors definitely help. Perhaps when selecting, don't just pick your favorite family member, but one you think could do the job well and take it seriously. Good luck!