Officiant help?

Most Lutheran pastors are very strict on being currently active religiously in the church before they will consider marrying you. Otherwise even if your/his parents are still active, if the couple is not then they be denied. That is what the Lutheran pastors told us in high school religion classes (I grew up Lutheran). It doesn't hurt to ask.


If you're not currently religious, then don't have a religious ceremony in a church to please other people. The ceremony is a reflection of the couple's beliefs, not someone else's. Do not let family or anyone else pressure you. If they cannot or will not accept you as you are, that is on them and it is not something you compromise on.
Look on Yelp for a wedding officiant who will perform a ceremony that fits your personal beliefs outdoors or a non church venue of your choice.

View Quoted Comment Yeah this is kind of what I was thinking it’d be like as they seem pretty strict when I do attend with the family but he is from the Midwest as well so I’m not sure if that would make a difference with my perception of it. We will definitely not be getting married in a church though! The goal is a nice outdoor ceremony in AZ where I’m from! I just figured since I don’t care who the officiant is then if it were possible to be a Lutheran pastor it’d be a win win (someone would marry us is my only end goal and his family would like it to boot). Oh well. We’ll probably ask around a bit and see how that goes but I at least wanted to be prepared for what I should probably expect out of it! Thanks!

There are 3-4 big synods or organizations of Lutheran Churches in the US. Two are very conservative, strict. One less so. And one is an association of Free Lutheran churches, meaning that they have resources, but little hierarchy. Each church congregation and minister had a lot of leeway. Free meaning autonomous. You might want to contact them, or any of their churches in AZ, and talk.
In our area of New England they are the most approachable. Scandinavian Lutherans had missions in their colonies and aboriginal peoples. Near us, the congregations are very inclusive about those with similar goals and moral outlook in daily living, more than church doctrine from above. Not condemning of others, not about the negatives, but about building positive structures and relationships in your life.

The minister at the church he grew up in may want to do it, even if your FH no longer goes there - if your future in laws are active members they may be recognizable enough, that sort of thing. Lots of people go back home to be married in the churches they grew up in.

I don't know about officiant services - but we were married by an Episcopal priest, and we met him at the rehearsal (we had contact/phone calls just not an actual meeting). He was great - listened to what we wanted and wrote a ceremony to match us. We were able to have a basically Christian ceremony without a lot of "extra" religious-type stuff (no readings that sort of thing) but we found him through our venue.

I agree with pps that there is a LOT of variation between different Lutheran synods. Some are extremely conservative (e.g., LCMS, etc.), others much more flexible (ELCA). The good news is even the pastors of the more conservative synods are usually open to preforming marriage ceremonies outside of a church (whereas a Catholic wedding nearly always has to take place within a Catholic sanctuary), but the ceremony will likely be consistent with church doctrine. I'd research the Lutheran congregations in the area where you want to be married, and try calling to ask about the pastor's feelings about officiating weddings for non-members. In my experience, you'll likely find a range of reactions, but most will genuinely want to talk with you further. Good luck!

PS -- I'd also consider having your FH talk with his parents' pastor/pastor he grew up with in the Midwest and see if they know anyone in your area that they might be able to refer you to. At least within the LCMS, it is a pretty tight network and pastors and other church ministers tend to have gone to school together and many maintain close connections.