Officiant or no officiant that is the question

Sorry, I just got on here. But, ditto everything Celia said.

I have noticed that at the same-sex weddings I officiate, I get even more compliments than at straight weddings. I think because it is something new for most people, they listen CLOSER than they usually do. So, you want someone who will do a great ceremony for you.

Check with Judith (Celia & I both recommend her). If she's not available, use the Vendors tab here on WW. Also, ask your friends if they have recommendations for PRO officiants.

Celia FTW!

I find it hard to believe that an officiant would jack up prices for same sex weddings. That is highly unethical. Could it be a case of sticker shock that you're heading higher costs than you expected? I just can't see someone saying "Ceremonies are $300. Wait, you're lesbians?!? In that case the ceremony will cost $400".

Look up civil celebrants online. Or use the WW vendor search tab, and filter by same sex weddings. Depending on whete you are in VA, some folks on here may have suggestions of people to call.

Christina Rodrieguez. Judith's rec.

In my research, I've found that officiants tend to be one of the less expensive, yet most important vendors. It seems like putting aside a small amount of money from each paycheck could easily put an officiant into your budget at this point. There's a lot of good advice here, so I hope you'll take it to heart and start putting a little money aside to make it happen.

@celia I could seriously read your advice on literally anything over and over. Very well put.

Who would "officiate" your fake second ceremony, if you went with your plan?? That makes no sense. Why can't you just get an officiant?? We hired a non-denominational officiant and she was FANTASTIC. She cost $325 which is a SMALL price to pay in the overall cost of a wedding for something that is literally the most important part of the day and the whole reason you are even there. We completely customized our ceremony down to every single word to how we wanted it. Our ceremony was so beautiful and well done, I ended up sending her an additional $50 to say thank you afterwards!

I'm with Melody-- if the couple's already married, it's a party, not a wedding, and, as silly as it seems, I wouldn't fly across the country to see it.

Have someone you know get ordained online and have them do it. You can usually get ordained for next to nothing and that gives you the authority to file the proper paperwork for a marriage license.

ETA: Nevermind. I just saw that you cannot have someone ordained online do the ceremony in Virginia. So I have nothing now.

I mean, if you got married a few days before, nobody has to know. We considered doing that too but FMIL insisted that if we did that we still do a ceremony anyways, so we just said forget it and decided to it all at the same time. I really don't think that should change people's decision as to whether or not they would come to the wedding. It's not like you eloped months before and are now just having a party for it.

I have no problem with people getting legally married before or after the ceremony either, for any reason. I don't consider it my business, I think it's a private matter.

But, I'm not sure how getting legally married on a day other than the day you have the ceremony would save you money.

How would you handle the ceremony without a officiant? Some people have their ceremonies with no officiant but I've never been to one myself, so I can't vouch how well that works or doesn't work.

Maybe you best start asking around to see if people could suggest someone that could work for you, that's what I would do.

I think you guys should try to find an actual real officiant that will give you a professional (not necessarily traditional) ceremony. The ceremony is the whole point. Do you want it half-assed? It might cost more than you expected but it really is the reason for everyone coming together. I found mine on WW.

Honestly I was just gonna have my brother or FBIL get online ordained and do our ceremony to save money and "to involve them" (who am I kidding, it was to save money). But when we started thinking about planning the ceremony we decided it would feel like a waste or half-assed and we don't know what we're doing. We immediately started looking for an officiant. I don't care if I regret not hiring a florist or photographer, but I don't want to regret the ceremony.