Ok to Ask Bridesmaids to Wear Certain Heel Height?

I am asking all my BMs to wear flats. I'm shorter than all of them by at least 3 inches! Also we are doing a beach wedding.

If anyway puts up a stink I won't fight them though... Not really worth it.

Personally, I don't care about uniform height. I'm 5'5. Groom is 6'5. My bms are 6'1, 5'11, 5'8 and 5'0. I told them they can wear whatever shoe they feel comfortable in. To me, their comfort is way more important than uniformity.

I agree, their comfort is most important. That is why I am letting them wear whatever style shoe they choose. I can see if I were asking them to wear too tall of a shoe that their comfort would be compromised but that is not my goal at all. Go figure the tallest girl would want the tallest heel

If my tallest BM wanted to wear tall high heels, I wouldn't care at all.

I'm 5'4", the groom is 6'3" my MOH is 5 ft, first BM is 4'11" and second BM is 5'9", then I have a Jr. BM who will be 9 at the time we get married... my 5'9" BM ALWAYS wears at least 4 inch heels and wants to wear that height to the wedding, I thought about arguing but gave up before I even started because it's a losing battle. You could ask but I say it isn't worth it unless you are really THAT OCD

I think you can ask them to all wear a certain height, but you can't really single out one person or tell them "you wear two inches, you wear flats, you wear five inches, etc" you would have to have them all wear flats or all wear heels, or all wear whatever they want. She may see her height as her best asset and by telling her not to wear heels when everyone else can may be offensive.

ETA: my girls are all about 5'-5'4" except for one who is 5'8" who is wearing pumps while the others are wearing flats and I really don't give a crap even if it might look a little weird.

It's not the end of the world for me, I just wanted to test the waters amongst you all to see if suggesting a shoe height would be kosher or not. Thank you all for your help!

I would maybe suggest for them to wear a shorter heel height or prepare to wear flats. Some BM are really happy when the bride suggests them to wear a shorter heel length because it shows you are caring about their feet.

To add to my earlier post (since I can't sleep, stupid insomnia), I chose my BMs because they are my best friends, not because of the way they look. I understand your reasoning, however, perhaps you're over thinking it? Does it really matter if one BM is super tall? My BMs are most likely wearing heels and they are already taller than me. I chose them because of what they mean to me and could care less about an uneven bridal party. Know what I mean?

My girls are all wearing high heels. 2 don't generally wear them daily, but they have agreed to wear whatever height I request.

For the reception, I am buying them slippers. However, I have let them know I want them in heels for the first hour.

I vote no-go, sorry. If I were a BM I'd find it OCD if I were requested to wear a certain heel height. And people who are noticeably taller or shorter than their friends often feel self conscious already. Plus everybody has different comfort levels with shoes. My 5'0" BM only wears low heels, whereas my 5'8" BM feels like a frump if she's not wearing 5" platforms. If you're letting them pick their own shoe, I'd just give them wide parameters (gold strappy heel, no flats, etc) and forget about it.

It's an overthink. And any decent photographer can arrange you all in photos so nobody is towering and nobody looks like a little person. Here's some photos of us so you can see what I mean. Yeah, obviously a couple girls are taller than me but it doesn't look weird IMO. Plus it's just, you know...reality.

Also, think of the other direction - I'm 4'11", if I was in your WP would you ask me to wear stilts?

I don't see why you really care if she's taller or wears higher heels than you or the others. Think about it. In your daily life when you hang out with her she is taller than you. I just don't understand why her being taller on your wedding day is a big deal. You'll be in a wedding dress so you'll still stand out. Singling her out after you already told her she can wear whatever could come off as controlling and shallow. Being shorter than the bride is not a bridesmaid requirement, and unless you're gonna regulate everyone's heel height there will probably be guests who are photographed who are taller. So no I don't think it's ok.

If there comftorable wearing the heights you want that's fine if not try to compromise.

I personally am doing whats more comfortable with them i'm the shortest of the wedding party minus the fg/rb

Yeah, I'm with the "no's" on this one. You really can't tell someone what size heel to wear. On the flip side, if I were a BM and you made me wear almost any kind of heel, I'd probably fall over when walking down the aisle, as I am very against heels in general.

I mean honestly, who cares if she's taller? She's a tall girl. She wants to wear them, let her. Are you trying to make all of your BM's the same height? Hire some models then. =P

You can ask the girls their feeling about it, without being insistant..but I would be concerned more with comfort and color of the shoes.

My two maids of honor are 5'9" and one of my bridesmaids was 5'1" and the other 5'5". And I'm 5'7". My sisters (the MOHs) wanted to wear flats, and the two bridesmaids wanted to wear heels, so it worked out for everyone! However, it really wouldn't matter to me if the tall girls wanted heels and the short girls wanted flats.

I personally think its going too far.

She's going to be taller regardless. I'd say if she's paying for shoes that she's hoping to wear again, I wouldn't fuss over the shoe height. I'm 5'9 and my MOH is 5'1 so I'm not asking her to wear 6" to catch up. The photographer can pose you to get great pictures like some of the examples above.

I let my bridesmaid choose the style of both her dress & shoes. I, obviously, chose the color. It was important to me that she was comfortable with what she was wearing. She did a great job & looked amazing! I would say that dictating to them the exact height of the shoe is a bit much & really OCD. Honestly, on the day you won't notice or care what shoes they are wearing. Personally, I couldn't take my eyes of off my groom!