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Tiffany
Expert March 2020

One bm left out of Bachelorette?

Tiffany, on February 10, 2020 at 9:41 PM Posted in Parties and Events 0 8
5 bridesmaids, 3 in different states. 4 of the 5 Are in college. I knew going into this with the girls i had i probably wouldnt get a bachelorette party and i was fine with it, im not a drinker or party person anyways! Wedding is on a Saturday. Two girls are flying in Wednesday, and one is flying in midnight on Thursday. The other two will be around starting Thursday. So Friday is the first day I'll have all 5 girls together, so I figured since we couldn't do a bachelorette we could do something fun in the morning like an escape room before decorating the venue and rehearsal that night . I'd told this idea to all of them and they seemed fine with it.

Then, 1 bridesmaid messaged me and told me her and my two MOH (my sisters) were planning a surprise bachelorette party on Thursday. I thought it was so sweet they wanted to plan something! She was saying he plan was to dress up like flapper in the 1920s and do a 20s themed escape room and go out to a fancy restaurant.
Buttttttttt the issue is they are planning for Thursday. And the last bridesmaid, K, isn't flying in until Thursday night, so K will miss it.The other girls wanted the party to be a surprise but they decided to tell me because they wanted to know if I would be upset since K can't come. I feel so torn. I did already tell them it was okay to keep planning, so I guess it's happening. I guess I just don't know how to tell K that she's going to miss the party. I don't want her to feel bad. I care about her a lot, but I do want this party. She's reasonable so I think she will understand. I'll just have to make sure she feels loved and included on Friday when she is here. Any advice on how to go forward and potentially smooth this out?

8 Comments

Latest activity by Tiffany, on February 11, 2020 at 2:48 PM
  • Brittany
    Dedicated January 2021
    Brittany ·
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    Did your other bridesmaids not talk to K about this when they came up with the idea? Seems like something they all would have worked on together. Maybe she already knows and is already fine with the plan?
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  • Tiffany
    Expert March 2020
    Tiffany ·
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    I guess I'll have to ask that question to be sure. My sisters, the two MOH know all of the other bridesmaids, but none of the other 3 girls know each other. We don't have a wedding group chat. So I think it's very likely that it is just my two sisters and the first bridesmaid that came up with this all on their own, with that bridesmaid, L, taking on most of the planning on her own.
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  • Kaitlyn
    Dedicated March 2020
    Kaitlyn ·
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    Could you continue with the Thursday night plans, then plan an additional activity for Friday morning? Maybe something lowkey like brunch, pedicures, or a yoga class?
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  • M
    Expert October 2021
    Megan ·
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    It really seems odd that any of the bridesmaids would plan anything (especially a surprise for you) without including everyone in the plans. I'd honestly be kind of upset if I found out they hadn't looped everyone in/asked opinions/tried to work with everyone's schedule. It'd be another thing if K was in the loop but couldn't come due to pre-made flight plans/personal reasons for getting there later, but I'm not sure that's what's happening here.

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  • Jade
    Expert November 2021
    Jade ·
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    I would explain to K and ask how she feels about it. She might be super understanding, or she might even try and get an earlier flight out to make it, or she might be upset for not being in the loop.
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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I'd have another bridesmaid reach out to her to see if she can come in earlier.

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  • Tiffany
    Expert March 2020
    Tiffany ·
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    That's a good thought, I might have to try that. Thanks for the advice! I'll have to find something for us all to do
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  • Tiffany
    Expert March 2020
    Tiffany ·
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    I agree. Thanks for taking the time to respond! I'll have to talk to her. My grandparents actually paid for her flight because she doesn't have a lot of money, I'm not sure she'd be able to reschedule a flight without having to pay a decent amount extra, which probably isn't something she could do. But we'll see
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