Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Just Said Yes December 2023

Opinionated family, people not taking no

Ruth, on July 4, 2023 at 9:38 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 7

Saved

Flag
Hide content

Hi! I have an extremely opinionated and big family. I have 9 aunts who along with my mom, feel the need to give me their opinions on everything. I tend to people please so from even before I started wedding planning, I mentally put up the boundary that I would go into this without sharing much information to people whose opinions I didn’t want so that I wouldn’t change everything about the wedding to fit everyone else’s opinions. But, this has caused my family to feel like I am being hard-headed and secretive and for whatever reason, they can’t accept when I reject their ideas and not consider them.

Can anyone relate to this? Does anyone happen to know why family feels the need for their opinions to be considered instead of just being okay with my decisions? I know I could just say “I’ll think about it” but I’m just trying to understand why they simply have to hear these set of words instead of just accepting I’ve already made a decision. (Also my fiancé and I are funding this wedding ourselves so I really don’t feel like I owe anyone anything)

Flag
Hide content

7 Comments

Latest activity by Taylor, on July 7, 2023 at 11:56 AM

Rockstar July 2022
Lisa Online · on July 4, 2023 at 10:08 AM
Flag

Hide content
You are under no obligation to take anyone else's opinions into account for your wedding, especially if they aren't paying for it. If they add in an opinion on something you already decided on, you could reply with something along the lines of, "Thanks for the idea! But we already decided on __, so we're going to keep moving forward with that instead." You don't need to explain your decision further than that. If people get more aggressive with their opinions and insisting that you use their ideas, you could remind them that it's your wedding (not theirs), and that you and your fiance have the planning covered.
- Reply
Rockstar November 2054
Jacks · on July 4, 2023 at 3:05 PM
Flag

Hide content
"Thanks for input, but we've got that covered. No need to worry!" Repeat ad nauseam.
You're doing everything right, keep it up!
- Reply
Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on July 4, 2023 at 3:16 PM
Flag

Hide content
“We have made the planning decisions together that we are comfortable with and will not be changing anything”. Then walk away, change the topic, hang up the phone, whatever you need to do to get the point across that you shutting down the conversation. If they will not accept your answer, that is their problem for being rude. You are under no obligation to fix anything to please them. Get practice in now because this same behavior will continue after the wedding with other areas of your life.
- Reply
CM · on July 4, 2023 at 3:45 PM
Flag

Hide content
"Does anyone happen to know why family feels the need for their opinions to be considered instead of just being okay with my decisions? I know I could just say “I’ll think about it” but I’m just trying to understand why they simply have to hear these set of words instead of just accepting I’ve already made a decision."
Even though you are hosting and paying for everything, it's possible they see your wedding as being a reflection of the family or they worry people will assume the family helped financially or with the plans. It doesn't make it right, of course. Or, they think some of your choices are a burden on guests or in questionable taste and are trying to give you well intended advice. Coming from extended family that would still be inappropriate. It's hard to know without an idea of what they are all objecting to, but those are the kind of things that come to mind as to the "why."
- Reply
VIP October 2022
Taylor · on July 4, 2023 at 6:14 PM
Flag

Hide content
I TOTALLY get it. It’s why we kept so much decision planning to ourselves. For instance we didn’t tell anyone what any vendor costs until after we signed a contract because some of the vendors we chose were very expensive. We didn’t want the opinions. Right now we’re planning to move across the US and our parents are guilting us big time about it. Really trying to make us feel terrible about it. And that’s exactly why we didn’t tell anyone anything before it was settled. Keep putting your foot down and keeping your own boundaries. Family will try to get to you but stay strong. You’ll be happy you did in the end
- Reply
Dedicated March 2024
Laura · on July 6, 2023 at 10:28 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I agree with this. I don’t particularly appreciate when family or parents get into your business as if they are giving good advice, and honestly, they screw you over sometimes. If we’re old enough, it’s time for us to live without resentful parents trying to control everything. Yes, I will hear advice or opinion, but I always do whatever suits me and makes me happy first because they have already lived their lives, and it’s our turn to live ours now. I also haven't told anyone about anything because I have had some bad experiences already and people start acting so possessive giving commands that it is uncomfortable. I’m here to enjoy my engagement (which is something very stressful btw) as much as I can. That’s why I’m keeping my plans as a secret for some undesirable people.
- Reply

VIP October 2022
Taylor · on July 7, 2023 at 11:56 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
The unwanted opinions are what get to me the most because they’re never nice or helpful usually. I’ve never regretted a decision I’ve made despite if any of my family thought badly of it and Ive never regretted keeping my own boundaries on a subject
- Reply

Etiquette Do You Have to Include Family in Your Wedding Party? Traditional etiquette suggests that you should include close family members in...

Bride & Bridesmaids 30 Comfortable Wedding Shoes You'll Never Want to Take Off No aching arches or pinched toes here. Shop these wedding shoes that are...

Bride & Bridesmaids 23 Bridesmaid Jumpsuits They Won't Want to Take Off Before you style your bridesmaids in traditional dresses, consider this trending...

Post content has been hidden

Opinionated family, people not taking no

7 Comments

Related articles