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Lauren
Just Said Yes June 2023

Our families have never met and they hate each other

Lauren, on April 23, 2022 at 7:37 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 5
There’s a rocky relationship (to put it lightly) with my family and my fiancé and because of that, his parents hate my parents. Is it even worth it to have a wedding when based on family, it feels more trouble than it’s worth. Should we just do a small friend group celebration and elope? I don’t want to alienate our families from our special day, but it feels as though they have already sealed the deal. Any advice??
Edited by WeddingWire

5 Comments

Latest activity by Jmz, on April 25, 2022 at 7:04 PM
  • H
    Dedicated January 2022
    H ·
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    I see from a prior post that you’d only have about 35 guests. If you’re going to spend thousands of dollars, and 50-100% your guest list is gonna be mad at the other side, idk if it’s worth it. Not gonna be a happy fun celebratory vibe which is I’m sure what most brides/couples want at their wedding. With such a small wedding, just a few disgruntled people may affect the overall event more than they would at a larger event. Also, is there a legitimate reason they dislike him? Sometimes parents pick up on issues in our partners that we aren’t able to see ourselves. Sometimes parents are wrong. If you haven’t already, I’d encourage you to try to hear what your parents are saying, see if there’s any truth in it, and go from there. Doing that may save you a lot of heartache in the long run. If you do that, and you still don’t see what they see, then evaluate if it’s worth having either side’s parents there at all if you’re going to do whatever you want anyway and you know you don’t have their blessing.
    Listening to this podcast “Something was wrong” may help explain why I recommend to try to hear what your parents are saying.
    https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/2dec880d-db88-4156-aa12-4f82dc496422/something-was-wrong?ref=dm_sh_PSbPMCUQNYKTOaSgm2apZ6as3
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  • Paige
    VIP October 2022
    Paige ·
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    If the wedding was already going to be small, it might be easier to just have an elopement with the non-family-member guests. That being said, do you think there would be any way to either sit down with your parents/ your fiancé's parents separately and discuss their issues or bring everyone together to try to work things out? I feel like having a discussion and making it clear that if everyone can't work their issues out or at least be civil then they won't be invited may make everyone listen a little bit more than usual. That would also mitigate alienating your families a bit too if they were at least given a chance to be adults about it.

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  • Ashlee
    Super September 2022
    Ashlee ·
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    I agree with this. Especially since a marriage is more than just the wedding day. You're joining your families together. Both families will be part of your lives for the rest of them. If you have kids, birthdays, etc. At some point they're going to be in the same place at the same time. I would at least try to have them meet and have a civil discussion before just cutting them from that day completely.

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    I’m so sorry you are dealing with that. Only invite those you can’t imagine the day without who are happy for you. Set and maintain boundaries with everyone that they need to be civil to each other and you will not be participating in their feud.
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  • Jmz
    Expert July 2022
    Jmz ·
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    You can elope, just don't fake your death to escape your family after... 🙈👀 sorry, juliet joke. But in seriousness I hope you find a way to enjoy your day how you want to!
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