Our parents don’t want anything to do with me or my fiancée’s wedding. Help?

I am so so sorry it’s not fair, this should be a time where you are planning and enjoying the whole thing with your mom and dad.
I wish there was a way to make it better. My heart goes out to you

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Thank you so much, I needed that

View Quoted Comment My daughter is a lesbian and I could never imagine not adoring her no matter who she loved. You deserve that and I’m sorry they are being this way you are perfect just the way you are!

I’m sorry that your FW is taking this so hard, but I’m not sure what response you expected when you told your parents you were engaged to be married to someone they didn’t even know existed. Give them some time, I’m sure this is quite the shock for them.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My daughter was engaged to a man a couple of years ago. When he proposed I had my doubts & I asked her if she was sure she wanted this, she had this look on her face & I knew she wasn’t being completely honest but I let it go. Three months later, she called me crying from a bus stop, saying she wasn’t sure about her engagement. I asked her what her gut is saying & she said she should call it off. It took so much courage for her to do it & I couldn’t have been prouder. A week later, she called & said she wasn’t completely honest as to why she broke it off. She told me she was gay & started seeing a woman. My response was “&? You sound scared? Is that all?” As her mother, my job is to make sure she’s healthy & happy. She’s happy & they fell in love! They got married this past November! Her jerk of a father & her wife’s mother refused to attend. I’m going to tell you the same thing I told them. “Those who are here, those that love & support you, those who know what you have & are here to celebrate your wedding, this group is your family. We might not be blood but we are family!”

For me, my parents basically threw money at me and moved to a different country in the middle of COVID, so I essentially had to plan my wedding by myself without the comforts of having any of my family around. My wedding is next week, and I recently had to come into the difficult conclusion that less than half my family will be at my wedding, my own parents won't be there either.

The only thing I can tell you is that eventually it gets better, but dealing with it never gets easier. I'm so sorry about you and your fiancee, my only advice is to seek comfort from the friends and the family you have that will be there for YOU and YOUR FIANCEE.

If it weren't for my fiancee, his family, and my amazing friends that have been there for me since my parents left, I would have given up on this wedding a long time ago.

Best of luck.

I'm sorry this is happening, but like Caytlyn said, they didn't even know you guys were together so how did you expect them to react? They could very well be in shock or hurt that you guys didn't tell them about your relationship.

Oh no. I would have been disappointed as a parent. Not bc of same sex, but because I never knew my child's significant other existed. I disagree with your parents' reaction but they definitely have a right to feel hurt

My partner and I are super fortunate to have full support of both of our families, but we've never hid each other from them either. I can sympathize with your parents for being so removed from your engagement. They don't have anything vested into your relationship. Is it right? No, but I can sympathize. At this point, all you can really do is surround yourselves with loving, supportive family, chosen family and friends. Make the best out of the situation and don't let this dampen your wedding process.

That was a lot of information for them to digest at once, give them some time. I am straight and cannot imagine telling my parents I was marrying someone they didn’t even know I was dating! I think that reaction would be normal in most scenarios.

The way I see it is that the parents have two choices:
1) They can be happy for you and supportive.
2) They can be unhappy and unsupportive.
I'm not going to judge you on how you approached the situation, as I'm certain that you had your reasons. I can understand that they might be in shock if they didn't know you were a lesbian, but I don't see that justifies their reaction. As a parent myself, I have to accept that how my daughters live out their lives is about them. Of course I'm going to worry, but that doesn't mean that I can react childishly towards their decisions. Them being unsupportive is their decision, and you can't change that. If they come around in time, then they will. If not, that's about them. If you're both mature enough to marry, they should be mature enough to accept it. Part of being a parent is always being prepared to adapt. It comes with the territory. You can't force anyone into a mould.
From my personal experience, my mother doesn't know about my fiance as yet. I started writing her a letter, but I haven't finished it.I don't foresee her being upset about it, but it will probably take her by surprise. Because he's American rather than local, I think that will be her point of concern due to visas and what ifs when he moves over.

I'm so sorry you're going through this! I do think it's unfair how both of your parents are acting, but also keep in mind that you both sprung the relationship & engagement on them. Both you and your fiance's parents might just be in shock. Give them time to process everything. After all, they found about your new relationship and your soon-to-be wedding in the same day. I hope they come around and are involved with your wedding planning process!