Out of State Bridesmaids?

You ask the people that you can't imagine standing up at the alter without. Not the people who can do things for you. It's completely unnecessary to have BMs fly out "multiple times" before the wedding. And frankly, wedding planning is you and your FS' responsibility, no one else's. If you can't handle it cause you're in school, hire a planner.

Two of my bridesmaids are coming from out of state it really depends on how reliable and able your friends are. Two couldn't come and didn't tell me until a few weeks ago and my wedding is in a month, so if you go this route, I strongly suggest you have a plan B

View Quoted Comment This is necessary reading. Read it again.

The only things wedding party members have to do is show up in the correct attire, get down the aisle, and smile for pictures. Anything else is a lovely bonus.

I have two bridesmaids. One lives two states away, the other is 2 hours away. Neither are able to help me plan in person, and that's fine. All I'm requiring physically of them is that they show up the night before for the rehearsal and fill their roles during the wedding itself.

Ask who you want to show up. I don't see why they would need to fly out twice before the wedding.

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Hi! Thanks for your reply 😊
It’s absolutely not about doing things for me, it’s about having the support. I could’ve worded that better when I said “ I NEED HELP” but I want my bridal party to be able attend my shower, dress fitting + bachelorette which will more than likely be in Seattle. I don’t find it unnecessary to ask people to attend those things if they BH.

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But is it more important to you to have people attend all those extra, unnecessary, events, or to have the people you love most stand next to you on your wedding day? Priorities.

I have one who is in CA (I’m in MI) and al of the others live in the same state but different cities. I just finished my masters w/ an added internship & it was easier on me to schedule things on days I didn’t work/study little by little. I told my girls I didn’t NEED a shower/bachelorette but they still want to throw one so it’s an added bonus I guess lol Just ask them..(well not to fly out many times..that may be a little excessive) what they can/are willing to do. 2 of my girls who live in the same state came to help look for my dress but I don’t expect them to go out their way for a fitting. My out of state bride..only asking her to be there at the wedding & the rehearsal but if she comes to the b. party or shower GREAT! It all depends on what your girls can do bc they too have lives & responsibilities & wedding stuff adds up quickly! Good luck!

Hey Bianca,

Your Bridal party is not about who can help you but about who your nearest and dearest are that you want to honor. I work full-time and am also in a masters' program and I have been able to plan our wedding with my FH and my mom. My bridesmaids give advice and opinions or general excitement but we all are scattered across the east coast, so they don't come with me to any wedding related meetings or anything like that.

Also, your wedding party is not required to attend all your events, although it is nice. My MOH and best friend just started her PA program 7 hours from my parents' house (where my wedding and bridal shower is). She probably won't make it, and that's okay. She will be by my side at my wedding which is what matters.

My BMs are from out of the country.
Theyre doing zero planning. They've attended zero fittings. Zero dress shopping experiences. They got their own dresses and Ive got my own.
We'll spend the week before the wedding together and thats all I can ask of them.
We've been friends for over a decade and it was a no brainer on who they should be, regardless of where they live.
Good luck!

Almost all of my bridesmaids live out of state. None of them are coming out to California at any time before the wedding. They all ordered their bridesmaid dresses online and there have been no issues!

All of my bridesmaids are either in Florida or Colorado and I'm in Connecticut. I flew to Florida where all but 1 bridesmaid lives for the proposals, bachelorette, and bridal shower. We have a group message where I'll share pictures of info to get their input but I don't directly ask them to do anything. Your bridesmaids should be your closest friends or family no matter where they live.

Ask the people regardless of where they live, but make sure to set your expectations with each other. If you NEED them to fly in several times, make sure they know that before they accept. Or, you need to be ok with the fact that they may only be able to fly in for the wedding.

My MOH lives out of state, and so does another 1 out of my 2 bridesmaids. I asked them anyway because they are both like sisters to me, and they are still both EXTREMELY helpful with the planning process via texting and skypeing. My bridesmaid is also a hair stylist (i know, very lucky) so weve already discussed that she’ll be coming to visit me at least once before the wedding for a hair trial, but my MOH cant afford to fly here more than once and im ok with that.

FH’s best man and one of his 2 groomsmen also live out of state. Our wedding is a Sunday, so we deliberately planned that and told our bridal parties in advance... they are all flying in thursday night, taking off work friday, and we’re doing our bachelor/bachelorette parties friday night and rehearsal dinner saturday. Do i wish i could have my bachelorette party a few weeks earlier rather than 2 days before my wedding? Yes. But it was more important to me that my OOT friends were included, so we made it work!

Everyone in my bridal party is from out of town. Granted, they're only three hours away, but they are more than willing to travel for my bridal shower. For the bachelorette party, we're just going to do something low-key a couple days before the wedding when they're all in town. I really haven't found it to be much of a problem yet.

At the end of the day, you want the people that matter the most to you to be beside you on your big day and in all your photos. You would really regret not having someone special up there with you. And if you're worried about them having to travel, maybe just talk to them first before deciding and see how they feel about it?

8 out of my 9 bridesmaids are out of state. I grew up in CA, and my fiance has 4 sisters (3 of which don't live in CO, where we live now). I'm not asking them to fly up before the wedding, since weddings are so expensive anyway. My mom is helping with most the stuff since she can afford to fly and see me a couple times, and my one BM who is here has helped me. As well as my FMIL and fiance.

There is nothing wrong with inviting out of state bridesmaids to attend showers, bachelorette party and dress shopping but keep in mind that they may not be able to attend everything. The best thing is to keep your expectations low here. I had one out of state bridesmaid and I gave her all information for everything and told her that she is more than welcome but I would understand completely if she was not able to attend. I actually said that to all bridesmaids, even the ones who lived in town.

Bridesmaids aren't supposed to help with planning the wedding. They don't help with picking vendors, going on venue tours, crafts, addressing things, or any of that. Brides that expect those things quickly become very disappointed. Bridesmaids only stand with you in support of your marriage and they get to attend and possibly plan the pre-wedding events such as the bachelorette and shower. If you're going to need help with the wedding you should hire a wedding planner when your wedding is closer and just slowly do the big things like booking vendors. Also, don't ask your bridesmaids until you're a year out from your wedding. Friendships can change, especially if you live far from each other, it's likely you'll drift. Wait until summer of 2019 and see who you are close with. A lot of brides that ask their bridesmaids more than a year in advance end up with "bridesmaid drama" because they aren't as close with the people they originally asked. Even brides with family only bridal parties can have "bridesmaids that don't care about the wedding" So it's best to wait until closer and see what your friendships and relationships with family members are like then.

I’m a full time student, pregnant, and 4 of my 6 bridesmaids live across the country. I have not once needed my bridesmaids to do anything wedding related for me. My MOH went dress shopping with me but I flew there and she is my sister not just my MOH. My other bridesmaid who lives near me went to a wedding showcase with me but she was tagging along because she is FH sister.
Wedding planning is on you, not them. If your too busy then hire a wedding planner. If you ask then do not ask or expect them to fly to you just to help out a few times. If you picture your wedding with them up there with you then ask but do not expect them to do you job.

The majority of my BP are from out of state. They have actually been able to help as I needed help researching or finding things in chain stores. You have a longer engagement, so you will be fine, and probably wont need as much help as you anticipate. Don't choose based on their utility, chose based on who you want to stand beside you. You have plenty of time to plan.

Out of my six bridesmaids, five are out of state (multiple states away actually). While it would be super nice if they could have came for dress fittings and a bridal shower and helped make decorations, they have their own lives and budgets so all I ask is that they are standing by my side on the big day in a burgundy floor-length dress they picked.

as others have said, at the end of the day, it’s who you have to have standing by your side.