Out of State Friend

People travel from out of state all the time with zero issues. Including participating as wedding attendants. Don't automatically assume she can't attend because travel is involved.


Being a guest is a huge honor that people ignore or forget. Not everyone wants responsibilities of being a bridesmaid but if you try to create things to make them not feel left out, it actually draws more attention to the fact they were not picked. Just let her be a guest and don't worry about it beyond that.

Is there a reason you think she wouldn't attend...?

View Quoted Comment She literally didn’t attend her own sisters wedding bc of the distance. I’m in NJ and she’s in CA. She rarely comes back to NJ to visit her family, tickets are very expensive.

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I was going to say that you shouldn't assume she won't attend since our best man traveled from CA to PA, but based on what you've said it sounds like she probably won't. Honestly, I would just invite her as guest, but I wouldn't expect her to attend since she couldn't even attend her own sister's wedding. Just because you have her sister in the wedding doesn't mean she has to be in the wedding especially since she would likely not even attend.

There's lots of online travel sites that offer discounts (trivago, priceline, etc). Purchasing tickets well in advance makes the cost go down as well. It's all about priorities.

Neither asking a person to be a bridesmaid or inviting them to a wedding are a mandated summons. If you want her to also be a bridesmaid, ask her. She will say no if she doesn't feel she can commit (if she didn't attend her own sister's wedding, it seems like she is comfortable with setting her boundaries). If you only want her as a guest, invite her and again, let her say no.

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This right here. That is why when brides here ask how they should do their wedding and people say that is not proper hosting...I think it is forgotten that one should be glad they were even invited to see a joyous celebration. You never know she may attend but I would just honestly include her as a guest and maybe the way to include her is invite her to the pre wedding festivities.

View Quoted Comment I understand where you are coming from but I don’t expect her to make these arrangements when she’s been to the state maybe twice since she moved three years ago. She can support me from a distance, bc putting food on a table is more of a priority than anyone’s wedding, honestly. She’s a very close friend and I want her to feel included even if she can’t physically be there. And that was the advice I was asking for.

View Quoted Comment Yes of course! She will definitely be included in all of those events even if she can’t attend. I just was looking for a way to make her feel included more than just as a guest.

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I think it is nice you are thinking of her but honestly I feel like do not do it because you are making her sister a bridesmaid. If you felt she would come to your wedding then would you include her in your bridal party or are you thinking to include her just because you are including her sister?

View Quoted Comment If she was coming, or still lived in state, she would definitely be a bridesmaid!

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Then I would treat her as such. If she declines then you asked her and you could feel less guilty. You can speak to her one on one and ask her to be a bridesmaid and ask her would be able to be a part of it. Then you are giving her a chance to make that decision.

I would just treat her as a guest if she is a guest

Everyone important need not be included in the wedding. If she cannot come, she cannot come. Send her a video copy of your wedding ( not Zoom) if you feel strongly. Or make plans to see her as a friend, by you visiting her before or after the wedding. Many brides withdraw almost all of their attention and friendship from those not involved in their wedding, for many months before and after the wedding. That is hurtful. Avoid it. Continue writing or talking on the phone with her as usual, not directing all your time and energy to BP. That is important. Everyone does not need a role.

An invitation, whether she decides to attend or not, is sufficient. No need to worry about asking her to be a bridal party member just because her sister is.