Out of town/international guests, did your family cover all their costs while they were in town (pre-covid)??

I don't think it's expected to cover any portion of travel expenses for out of town guests. If guests are staying in the home then any food/beverages consumed there would be covered, like in any other situation, but I would never expect someone else to cover my hotel stay or anything like that. We had 1 international guest fly in from Eastern Europe who is my mom's cousin. My parents paid for her flight because she couldn't afford it otherwise, and she stayed in their home. Otherwise, all guests paid for their own travel and accommodations and sightseeing. The only thing we provided were the hosted wedding events.

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Thanks. Yeah, we didn't cover those costs for any of our friends who came in. A few crashed at our place and we provided some food/snacks here and there. Is it possible your parents treated out of town family and you weren't aware?

View Quoted Comment No, they definitely didn't because the guests all flew in the day of the rehearsal dinner and flew home the day after the wedding, so my parents didn't even see them outside of the wedding events.

That is definitely the norm with my European family! It was vice versa too! When I visited I didn’t pay for a thing (despite trying) including activities/attractions. There was even a point where I had to pretend to not like things when window shopping around small towns because they would just buy me things I thought looked pretty or unique!

For my Family this is the norm especially for weddings. On the flip side, the guest usually gifts something nice and brings treats from home.

View Quoted Comment Haha, yes so true. I've had to do this too! When I first met my FIL, I commented on how I like a painting he had on the wall. Next thing I knew he was trying to take it down to give to me! My FH had to spend 20 minutes negotiating with him to keep the painting on the wall. Still left with a weeks worth of food though. 😂

My husband and are from two different states (PA & NJ) so most of our family and friends live three hours apart. We choose a venue in between. We also have family and friends from other states as well. Due to the distance, 90% of our guests either stayed at our venue (got married at a hotel) or booked an Airbnb. We did not pay for our guests expenses. It would have been way too expensive for us to cover the wedding plus guests expenses especially since we paid for the wedding by ourselves. Honestly, guests realize they are responsible for traveling, hotel, food, etc. when traveling for a wedding. I've traveled for numerous weddings and have never expected anyone else to pay for my expenses. It was nice what you said your family did, but definitely not required.b

My mom offered to help with travel/accommodations for my side of the family, but I discouraged her from doing that as it would have quickly added up to (probably tens of) thousands of dollars. For my part, I have never had expenses paid when I've traveled cross country for a wedding.

Guests cover their own travel expenses (airfare, lodging, out to eat) and don't expect others to cover that for them. Every wedding I have attended, someone had to travel across states out of their pockets with zero issues.


Covering another person's expenses as applicable if the couple can afford to do so should be discussed privately with the guest in question, not an expectation.

Wow, that was very generous of your parents! However, it is definitely not the norm here in the U.S. (I’ve heard several friends of mine from Europe say it is more of a thing there though). If the couple can afford to pay for guests’ travel and hotel accommodations, it’s an awesome gesture! But definitely not expected. The couple is only expected to properly host guests at their event (ie, provide the meal and bar at the reception). When an out of state (or out of country) guest chooses to accept an invitation, they are also choosing to take on the expenses associated with it.

All out of town guests covered their own travel and lodging for our wedding. But we did provide them with dinner the night before (at our rehearsal dinner) and brunch the day after our wedding at the restaurant inside our hotel block

Our guests from out of town are paying their own travel costs. My FFIL travels a lot & has a ton of points for hotels so he’s going to use them for some guests (those who just can’t afford it). The majority of our guests live relatively close to the venue (the Phoenix area). My fiancé & I live 2.5 hrs away in northern AZ. I’m going down the Monday before the wedding & staying at my future in law’s house- he’s coming down Thursday. His parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner & the party the day after the wedding.

View Quoted Comment Thanks. You’re right, it adds up but in my parents’ case it was for less than 10 people/4 families. But still expensive. Do you think your mom might have still paid for things and you didnt know about it? There was so much $$$ flying around during our wedding between me, my husband and both our parents I wouldnt have noticed. Lack of control drove me crazy lol.

View Quoted Comment That seems like something my mom would try to do lol. But we haven't had our wedding yet and have no idea who will be coming so I don't think she will do that, because the main issue is Covid, not money.

Attending a destination wedding is incredibly burdensome from a financial point of view and generally guests who do attend destination weddings are up for the cost of everything from their own purses.

Your parents went above and beyond and their hospitality was incredibly generous, your guests should consider themselves very lucky! What your parents did is something that shouldn’t by any means be expected but is entirely voluntary.

Wow super generous but i don't think that's expected. i mean it is normal to treat them to a meal cause some people invite out of town guests to a welcome dinner or something but i don't think it's usually normal for paying every single thing

I definitely think that's the exception rather than the rule. We attended my FH's cousin's wedding a couple of years ago in Arizona (we live in Philadelphia), and we turned it into a family vacation with his mom and sister to make the most out of our flight. If we hadn't been able to afford it, we would've sent a gift and not attended. If I had a very close friend or family member who I knew wouldn't be able to attend unless I helped them out and I really felt the day would be off without them, then I may reach out to that guest specifically and work out a plan. But that would not be the expectation. In any case, the only serious out-of-state people we're inviting are my cousin and his aunt who we're not particularly close with and a couple of his work colleagues, so nobody where we'd be devastated if they RSVP'd no.