Over Bearing Future Mother in Law-help

So unfortunately there's not much that you can do. You need to have your fiance say something to her. Is the wedding taking place in Idaho or Colorado?

For a little dose of reality, you're likely going to be dealing with this for the rest of your life, or for as long as you're married to your FH.

FH has to put a foot down in how his mother interacts with you, but also, there's not really a big role for his mother to play in the wedding. It's about the two of you, and that's really it.

Have your FH walk his mom down the aisle at the ceremony and have a dance, that's really all she gets. Especially since she's not footing the bill anywhere.

I agree with Courtney! I think the next 8 months are the least of your worries - you'll likely have these kind of situations after you're married IF your fiancé doesn't make your place clear.

Also what do you mean by a bigger role? What is she wanting from the wedding?

Wow she sounds annoying already. Your fiancé needs to step up and ask her what exactly she expects from not her wedding... lol

View Quoted Comment We are doing it in Idaho. He’s had arguments with her about her behavior since we’ve been together. Thankfully he’s on my side, but she always thinks she knows better and can’t not say anything. A lot of the time she’s fine, but sometimes she just flips a switch and is so difficult. She doesn’t like me that much, so I think she plays nice until she doesn’t want to anymore.

View Quoted Comment She’s Hawaii’s/Mexican and wants a lot of culture involved. Which we were doing anyway...and she wanted to come dress shopping with me. I think she just doesn’t like being in control.

It might be extreme, but if she is keeping your ring can file a stolen property report? If she is keeping it as a form of control I doubt you’re going to get it back easily. Taking more aggressive action could show that you’re serious and her games will not be tolerated. Like I said extreme I don’t know if I’d personally do it, but it’s an idea, maybe. I don’t know how it works being it was mailed to her and it’s in a different state. But technically it’s your property that she won’t return. So 🤷‍♀️

View Quoted Comment Definitely an option if it goes further haha she’s had it almost two weeks now and keeps finding reasons to not mail it. She says she’ll do it Thursday so I hope she keeps her promise this time. She also said she’d do it yesterday lol She is also one to put things off for a while, so I don’t know if it’s on purpose or she genuinely is forgetting.

You said she wants to go dress shopping with you? I think that it is something you should include her in personally. It's a good opportunity to try and patch things up with her, but you can set some ground rules.

A good one I've heard in general for dress shopping is to make sure that you say what you like about the dress before anyone else comments, which is a big thing imo.

Give her the chance to be involved in the planning if you can and try not to take any of the things she says to heart. If you think she's saying them just to be mean or get a rise out of you, all the more reason to ignore them.

You don't have to bend over backwards for her, but if you know you're going shopping one day tell her the day and if it doesn't work for her let her know you're sorry, but then she can try to come to a fitting or something. Little things like that really do go a long ways.

View Quoted Comment

Whoa, that IS extreme and would not actually be helpful in any way. I'm all about setting clear boundaries with in-laws (up to and including cutting all contact if it comes to that), and having each person deal with their own parents. Those are reasonable measures.

Getting the police involved over something so petty? There would be no repairing the relationship after that, and the wedding is only the beginning of the relationship. I know rings are important, but having to wait longer (I just saw it's only been 2 weeks!) to get one is not a police matter.

The ring- She will likely give it to your FI when she first sees him after he comes home, and it won't make a speck of difference.
Why get upset ? You need to choose what is worth fighting about. It is not like she stole it. And you don't need it until the ceremony.
... She is going to have different opinions on things, so tell her a minimum. You are miles apart. Just don't respond to her complaints. ***Why do you have to start this at that time? FI and I want it that way. *** Well I think you should change it because... We are doing what we agreed on. Well why? Because we are. 🙂 At some point she will tire of getting no good response from you and grouse at her friends instead. But to keep the moral high ground, you need to avoid being as petty as she is. So things that don't matter, like the ring sitting there in a box instead of at your house in a box, leave til your FI comes home. Hearing you bickering about little things with his mom will lower his opinion of you. So try to pull back, deflect not answer things, and be happy to live far away when you marry. The goal is not to be right. It is to have no fighting.

View Quoted Comment This would start a world of trouble, for nothing. FI sent it to her. He the owner entrusted it to mom. At worst, she will simply hold it til he comes home. There is no theft. His changing his mind, means when he gets home he will take possession.

Given how you are with one another, do not take her shopping with you unless you are willing to change your decisions due to her opinions. Otherwise she will feel, correctly, that you are disregarding everything she says. Since you don't intend to be influenced, don't ask her to come.

View Quoted Comment This is actually my engagement ring and since he is in Korea we didn’t get to do an actual proposal so we agreed I could have it now instead of waiting. He is possibly coming back to visit before we get married and he thought he could do a proposal, but with covid, that isn’t a for sure deal. And he will be gone an entire year by the time we are getting married, so I want the ring to look at every day and think of our future. I don’t think that’s much to ask. But trust me, he is just as sick of her nonsense as I am. He didn’t speak to her for a week after her text to me. It was also timing, my grandfather was in the hospital and almost died and his family knew that but still brought up stupid things like the time of the ceremony.

View Quoted Comment Yeah, I already bought a dress without her lol

View Quoted Comment Like I said I wouldn’t do it. We don’t know how extreme the situation is. If it’s extreme enough it could be an appropriate step. I didn’t see the comment where it had only been 2 weeks.

View Quoted Comment We don’t know their situation. A situation bad enough would call for it, and like I said I wouldn’t do it. Her refusing to give property that isn’t hers is close enough to theft.

View Quoted Comment I hope she gets it to you. I saw you said a family member is/was in the hospital. Give it a little more time and see what happens.
Like I said extreme and we don’t know your situation. It popped into my head and I felt like I needed to share a possible, even if unlikely, solution.
Good luck to you, with this and planning 😊And thank-you to your FH for his service