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Just Said Yes September 2023

Overwhelmed

Alexis, on March 29, 2023 at 5:38 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 8

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I’m getting married this year In October, I’m the maid of honor in my best friends wedding in September, my cousin is getting married at the end of September out of state and I’m a bridesmaid in my friends wedding who is an old coworker. I was the first one out of the group to be engaged and to set my date. I told all of my friends and family what my situation was before they asked me to be in their weddings. My old coworkers wedding who I’m a bridesmaid in wants to do a bachelorette party out of state for a weekend but I am just not financially able to as my car stopped running, then my rental got broken into and now my fiancé is out of work temporarily because he broke his ankle (basically just one disaster after another) I do not get PTO or vacation at my job. I let her know what was going on and she was very short with me and seemed upset that I can’t go. Today I got a invite for her bridal shower and I found out it is 2 and 1/2 hours away because that is where her mom lives. I feel like I won’t be able to make it to that either as I have no means of transportation. I feel like a bad friend and bridesmaid but I feel as tho it is out of my hands. Any advice on how to handle the situation. Is it normal for a bridesmaid to not be able to attend these kind of events considering all the traveling?

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Jacks, on March 30, 2023 at 3:50 PM

Savvy September 2023
Ashley · on March 30, 2023 at 8:49 AM
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For the shower, is there anyone who is nearby that would be able to give you a ride? Carpooling with some of the other bridesmaids might be an option.
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VIP August 2021
Michelle · on March 30, 2023 at 8:57 AM
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No, bridesmaids are not obligated to attend these optional parties. Certainly don't give beyond what you're financially comfortable. If you have no PTO, save whatever time for your own honeymoon. It's nice to give friends your time, but don't forget your future spouse. Don't forget yourself. If this is too much stress, financially and emotionally, bow out of these WP positions with ample notice. The brides will be sad, but only you can control you.
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Just Said Yes October 2023
Alexis · on March 30, 2023 at 9:04 AM
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Thank you for your advice this makes me feel a lot better !
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Just Said Yes October 2023
Alexis · on March 30, 2023 at 9:05 AM
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I had messaged her MOH to see if I could ride with her but she hasn’t responded to me yet
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Savvy September 2023
Ashley · on March 30, 2023 at 9:09 AM
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Could you wait a few days and try again? Or is there another maybe guest in the wedding that you are friends with that could carpool with you?
I also agree with Michelle, if its something that you can not do, be open and honest with the bride. Tell them what's going on. Are they going to be sad you missed it? Sure. But you need to make sure that you can still survive, and have time for your own things going on.
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Just Said Yes October 2023
Alexis · on March 30, 2023 at 9:17 AM
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Yeah I’m going to wait awhile and see if the MOH replies. Unfortunately she’s the only other person in the wedding party that I know.
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Super May 2022
Erin · on March 30, 2023 at 11:22 AM
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Showers and Bachelorette Parties are the *optional* events in the wedding. I'm very sorry she was short with you about the situation. That wasn't nice and understanding of her. You are NOT a bad friend. I'd suggest to leave her to cool down. If she brings it up again, I'd say something like "I know it upsets you to not have me there and I really wish I could make it, but with everything that has happened lately, I'm just not able to make it. I'm really looking forward to your wedding and am excited to be a part of your day." After that, the ball is in her court to be mature about this.
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Rockstar November 2054
Jacks · on March 30, 2023 at 3:50 PM
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You're under no obligation to attend the shower or bachelorette. Please don't stress about it. I'm really sorry about everything happening right now for you.
Sounds like the bride's expectations are too high of you. Hopefully she'll develop some grace and understanding.
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