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Andrea
Beginner October 2023

Panicking, Cousin wedding date same month date 13 days away from mine

Andrea, on April 3, 2022 at 2:29 AM Posted in Planning 0 25
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I'm really freaking out and can't sleep. I put a hold on my date for Oct 8th 2023 in January. And the following day found out my 1st cousin put his date in for Oct 21st 2023 and he's making the fam drive 3 hours. My whole life I've dreamed of an October wedding. I'm older for a bride (34 avg bride is like 28-32) and it took me some time to find my guy but him and I have talked about an October wedding for a couple years now because we just knew. After I found out about my cousin booked his date I rushed around to different venues(13) trying to find someplace closer to our families and a different date. Hindsight says I should've called him sooner but I didn't because the venue hunting was a struggle with dates flying off the shelf next year due to covid and the wedding boom. Plus my parents made it really difficult by being negative everywhere we went. We have put this off way longer than we anticipated and we need to pull the trigger like yesterday. I called my cousin today and he flipped out. I'm heartbroken. I don't know how to handle this and as it is my first cousin on my dads side I know my dad is going to side with him (which yes I know- hes like that- cares more about everybody else but not his own). I totally understand why my cousin is upset its why I gave him a courtesy call and told him my dilemma and that I really want to keep my date. At first he was fine then not 20 mins after started texting me to tell me I was being completely inconsiderate. Wouldn't even talk to me on the phone 😑. When I told him I needed time that evening to process emotionally his asking me to move it to another month he continued to get worked up and texting me nonstop until I told him I was shutting my phone down. My fiances family and my sister are telling me not to move it but I don't know what to do. I'm a so burnt out from venue shopping and a complete mess right now 😪😪😪

25 Comments

Latest activity by Andrea, on April 4, 2022 at 8:20 PM
  • Megan
    Beginner June 2022
    Megan ·
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    They aren’t the same day, so I guess I don’t see what the issue is? Is it taking away the attention from their big day so soon? I’d keep my original date 🤷🏼‍♀️
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  • Fiona
    Super May 2024
    Fiona ·
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    I'd keep the original date as well. If it is your dream and something you have always wanted then stick with it. Is there an issue because of the travelling? What does your fiance say about it all?

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  • Andrea
    Beginner October 2023
    Andrea ·
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    Hes really bummed we were so happy and excited to tell our family we made a decision to go with our date and venue because it's really what we want and my cousin just took all the wind out of our sails. There are three people in our family that would have to fly out of Delaware twice in a month (my godfather and his fam). My venue is an hour 45 for all the people that are here. My fiance would have way more people flying in. I really think this anger from him is coming from his fiancé.
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  • Ashlee
    Super September 2022
    Ashlee ·
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    Keep your date. It's what your heart was set on. There will always be some sort of conflict or issue and not everyone you want to be there will be able to, it's unfortunate, but unavoidable. Plan the day of your dreams and try not to let those issues be a setback, the people who want to be there will make it work and be understanding.

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  • Jasmine S.
    VIP May 2022
    Jasmine S. ·
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    I think this would only be an issue if the weddings are far apart from each other and would make travel difficult for your guests. Like if your family would have to fly to the east coast for yours, then the west coast for his a couple weeks later.
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  • R
    Rockstar
    Rosebud ·
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    I mean as long as you are ok with the fact family members might only be able to attend one wedding that month and not being hurt if they choose his I don't see what the problem is. The weddings are not on the same day, nobody owns the month. You can never make everyone happy try not to stress too much over the most important thing is at the end of the day you are your love are married Smiley smile. If your cousin wants to make ruckus out of it that is his issue, good luck with your planning and try to enjoy this sweet time!

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  • Taylor
    VIP October 2022
    Taylor ·
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    I’m not sure what the problem is? My fiancé and I are getting married in Maryland (we’re from NY). His cousin is getting married 2 weeks before us in NY. Some of his family will have to travel twice. Save your date and whoever wants to come will come. But don’t make it harder for someone else because you’re worried. I don’t feel that’s fair. He doesn’t really owe you anything as far as picking his date
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    They are different days. Guests will decide on their own how to manage their travel.
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  • Andrea
    Beginner October 2023
    Andrea ·
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    Thank you all. This was validating and I appreciate the input. I ended up telling him that it is truely unfair of him to request that I move my ideal date at my ideal venue for his event. I also said if he wanted to be mad he can be and even though I feel the way he feels about his date I'm choosing to support him and his new fiance. To be real our family will end up choosing his but I can't control that.
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  • R
    Rockstar
    Rosebud ·
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    Good on you now you go and plan the wedding of your dreams. You can't control others actions you can only control your reactions to them. I hope you can breathe a little easier now and enjoy this sweet time in your life. Happy planning!

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  • Gillian
    Devoted July 2021
    Gillian ·
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    It’s 2 completely different days and I can almost guarantee that someone else will be getting married on the same date somewhere else in the world at the same time. Stick to your guns. Enjoy your day. Celebrate theirs on their day.
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  • Mrs.evans
    VIP October 2022
    Mrs.evans ·
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    Hi Andrea I am also a older bride to be age is just a number and it's the now that you need to focus on. Now I have a similar situation as well my sister now decides after 7 or more yrs to wed her fiancee 2 mos after me. While I have been planning my wedding since 2020 got in engaged in November. She has been this gentleman 7or more years plus she hasn't even got divorce yet from her ex husband yet.Now I find out that its 2 months after mine of this year. I thought that she is talking about next year nooo.So still in mid planning she is now calling asking me where I got my stuff. Now I can go on. First I am sorry that family is giving you a hard time but I dont understand why they do this . I think that the cousin didn't call you first and discuss this over with you to find out if you were going to keep your date or not.Before proceeding to book his date I think it's not fair to you for either family members blaming you or taking sides it should have been some talk about it. Because I don't think family members will attend both wedding so close in dates. And then to have the dad side with the cousion that doesn't seem right. But I got it because my mother is that way too because she the youngest. If you wanted too would consider a different month. What does your fiancee say about the matter here where it gets hairy. Now if course you want your family there to celebrate with and your FH but are the same family members and friends attending his nuptials as well as attending yours. And if you told your cousin know that you were canceling your date. Then in a way it was open but if you heart felted explained to him that you want keep your original date. And have sent out things now its hard to stop it now. I hope that all works out for you
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  • Andrea
    Beginner October 2023
    Andrea ·
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    Yes its not easy right now for any bride because we are in a serious boom. Everything is backed up. Its also hard enough to find what you're looking for without a ton of pressure from these venues. The good news and update from last night is thankfully my dad supported me today by saying " I'm not planning your wedding Dre, you are. We don't have control over how people react. You have tried to look at other dates and venues and I have communicated with his family ( my cousin's family) that we were looking in October. Its not our fault if he's just decided to disclose it to his fiancé." I'm sooo thankful after that convo. I am also glad he's had some communication with his family. I am just going with what I want. Its not worth a rift or anger. I'm choosing to support him and his fiance despite his reaction. I'm choosing love for myself and for my family because that's what weddings should be about. Fun and love. I want my family to come but if they can't they can't. I'm just not going to give it a life.
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  • Mrs.evans
    VIP October 2022
    Mrs.evans ·
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    I am so happy of the reproach that you took it's very refreshing and very big of the way you resolved your situation that's great happy conuties wedding planning .
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  • Andrea
    Beginner October 2023
    Andrea ·
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    You too! Us brides have to stick together. I really love this forum thing. I didn't expect it to give me so much resolve. It strengthened me. Thanks again!
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  • Andrea
    Beginner October 2023
    Andrea ·
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    Thank you! You too! I'm choosing love in this situation. And thank you for your honest opinion! It's helped a lot 😄
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  • Mrs.evans
    VIP October 2022
    Mrs.evans ·
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    You are so welcome that's makes the app amazing and family here ❤
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  • Orianna
    Devoted December 2022
    Orianna ·
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    I 100% agree with everyone - keep your date. Its not the same date. Let the people you are inviting decide on going to one or the other or both. He doesn't get a month. He gets a day. That's it. Just a day. My first cousin and I got engaged within 6 weeks of each other, and if our dates were anything other than the same ones, I wouldn't care when hers is (or she mine). He doesn't get to lay claim to an entire month.

    If anything I think thats being selfish and very inconsiderate. What gives him the right to berate you and make you feel bad/like you need to change your dream, especially when you told him beforehand you wanted October? Sounds like a case of "but that takes away the attention from meeeeee". Which... everyone is an adult here. People have the ability to care about two things at once.

    Embrace your date. Get married when you and your partner want to, don't let anyone else dictate that for you (especially when you're not over lapping) and enjoy your planning. He'll get over it eventually. And if he doesn't? Then that's on him.

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  • Andrea
    Beginner October 2023
    Andrea ·
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    The support from this forum is just beautiful and thanks. Also laughed pretty hard because I'm just thinking about how this kid is like the golden child of the family 🤣 so yea that's exactly what it's like.
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  • Jamie
    Dedicated October 2022
    Jamie ·
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    Dang! Well were you tech-ni-call-y first to put a hold on your date? If so you have dibs and shouldn't change your date. Smiley smile

    My sister and I both planned weddings in the fall last year. I told her I was planning for Oct 26 and she decided on Nov 1. We just shrugged and said it gives our family a week in between to request those days off lol. Sadly we ended up canceling our date until this Oct of 2022.

    I'm glad you are choosing not to cancel your date. Your wedding is for you and your husband and whoever decides to celebrate with you that day. Who cares how close it is to your cousin's date... they will have to just suck it up Smiley smile

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