Parents Against Moving In Before Wedding

I think if you’re old enough to get married you’re old enough to make a decision about where you live. Tell your parents you will be moving in with fiancé. Don’t make it a discussion.

View Quoted Comment Exactly! If I were OP fiance, I would have second thoughts about marrying someone who put her parents opinions, which do not reflect her own, ahead of what she and fiance both want and think is fine.

Parents have to let go of their children some day. If you're an adult and can afford to move out, do it. If not, your parents will always have control of your life. Moving out before marriage has nothing to do with morality. That's an excuse parents use to guilt trip their children, especially daughters. I'm speaking solely on experience.

If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to decide when to move out of your parents home. Times have changed and it's no longer seen as taboo to live with your partner before marriage. Personally, living with my FH for at least 6 months was a MUST before we got engaged. You learn so much about someone when you share a home. The decision is 100% between you and your FH.

I agree with everyone above. It's time for you to cut the cord a bit. They will come around and have to accept that you are an adult that is about to get married. It will be tough, but you can do it!

I can speak from experience that all of the PPs are right. My parents have the same mentality and I was super nervous to tell them when I had decided to move in with my FH (and we were only dating at the time). I’m not going to lie, they were upset for a while and it made for some uncomfortable visits together but they got over it. Do they love the fact that we live together, no. But let me tell you I don’t regret my decision for one second. This is a great opportunity to show that while you respect their beliefs, you, as an adult, will be making your own choices about your life. I say go for it!

My fiancé and I have been together for 2 years, engaged for 7 months, and get married in another 8 months in September 2019. We are in the process of buying our first home and we will be moving in our new home together in a week! Let me tell you we are 20 years old, so we are very young compared to most people engaged, married, and/or buying their first home. We just told our parents our plans and our plans for the future, ect. My parents are old fashioned too so my mom is taking this hard (even though she doesn’t know it, I know how she is!) When my fiancé sleeps over he has to sleep in the guest room, their house their rules until we move out on our own. I think it is wonderful that you and your fiancé want to move in together. I think you need to stand by his side because when you are married you are not going to let your parents make decisions for you, hopefully. Nowadays it’s very common and it lets you learn about how your significant other is to live with and learn the quirks you didn’t know before. I wish you luck!

It's up to you. We moved in together the second I turned 18. There is nothing wrong with it

I'm not sure how to deal with the situation though, but i think you could make time for both. Spent the weekends at your parent's house and the rest of the week at your fiance's. It's your choice to make and i think that somehow parents should be able to understand that they can't hold onto something one-sided. you guys should compromise each other

I wouldn't allow your parents to make this decision for you. If you let them do it now, they may try to meddle in your marriage too. Let them know you don't mean any disrespect to them, but you and your FH want this and that's how it's going to be. End of story. If they allow it to cause a wedge, then that's on them not you.

If it were me, I'd move in with my fiance. I'm not really interested in my parents dictating how I live my adult life (which may be why they don't try). But I'm also not financially dependent on them in anyway so the decision is easier because if I upset them or anything, they can't pull the money card.

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Exactly this.

Your a grown adult. I say follow your heart and do what you feel is best.

Agree, if you're planning on getting married with the guy then you should move with him especially if the house was bought with the purpose of it being a home for the two of you. Honestly, my personal opinion is that I'd rather live with my future spouse before marrying them to know 100% that we can make it together. Sometimes you start living with a person and start to realize how they are different from what you thought or see that there are a lot of things that you'd wish they'd change. I would not want any surprises once we're married. Best of luck to you.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for this. I've been so nervous to tell them but I can't let their beliefs come between my fiance and I.

I think living together is incredibly beneficial to seeing how you & your partner “vibe” together, because living together is a whole different experience. I made the mistake of “asking” my parents before I moved in with my now fiancé (we were just dating at the time, had been for 2ish years). Long story short they were not thrilled and my dad said he didn’t think that was a good idea, but I did it anyway. I was a month shy of being 21 if that matters. I still say to this day that one of the best decisions I EVER made was doing that solely because I decided it was what I wanted for my own well-being. I’m a pretty big people pleaser and I was proud of myself for basically saying “thanks for your input but I’m doing what’s best for me.” It was actually quite a turning point for me. Granted, my parents are both pretty awesome people who are just old fashioned and I think they were just in denial that their child was actually growing up... So they had no hard feelings really, they got over it (as they should have). I would definitely say my parents are “old school” like yours but ultimately they put aside their own beliefs and issues when they realized I was an adult who could make my own decisions. I hope yours are the same way... even if not right away. At the end of the day, you do you. I know it isn’t easy (been there) but make it a firm decision that you’ve made and not a question or something up for discussion. Good luck!!

I totally understand where you are coming from OP. My parents are old school as well and my dad is a pastor. It was ingrained in me from an early age that living together is a sin. It was never an option for me until this relationship. Both my FH and I are in our 40's. We are well established in our careers and finances and he has kids. When we realized we were serious and ready to take the next step, it just made sense financially and personally for us to move in together. I didn't tell my parents for an entire year for fear of being shunned or disappointing them. One day I realized that I have to let go of the pre-judgement they have put on me and live my life. I told my mom that I have made sound decisions in my life so far and I have been blessed and successful. I told her I respect her and my father's values but I'm not looking for their approval. They don't have to like it, but they need to respect my decisions. Eventually, you have to come to terms with you aren't living your life for others but for yourself and you need to be comfortable with the decisions you make. It will lift a huge burden from your shoulders.

I completely agree with what these girls have said. I can speak from experience to tell them and not let them dictate what you should do with your life. I am also a major people pleaser and have been the "perfect child" to my parents all my life. Not anymore. My parents are old fashioned (although they are only 56) and have not gotten over my decision. But that is on them. I made the best decision for me as only I can make that decision. You need to do what is right for you and not what other people think you should do. Good luck!

I agree with what’s been said above. You have to make the decision that’s best for you and your future!

I hope things worked out well for you. I totally disagree with most who responded and hope you did not move in with your fiancée before the wedding. If you were accepting financial support from your parents for the wedding, I feel you should have respected their values. You have a lifetime to live together and I feel that a few months before your wedding is a special time! There is time to have your honeymoon period of adjusting to living together after the wedding. Being newlyweds can be that special time of moving into your new life together.