Parents Are Not Allowed To Invite Friends. :-(

It’s her wedding... if her fiancé doesn’t have a problem with any of her decisions then it’s not your place to have an issue or have an opinion.
Unless you are paying for the guests/wedding then only do you get a say in how the money is used/if you would to reserve some invites for your friends.

Sorry but if that’s what the bride wants that’s what she wants. It’s her day.

View Quoted Comment OP states in their post that the both sets of parents agreed to spilt the cost of the wedding.

Randi, have you reached out to the in-laws and gotten their thoughts on not being able to invite their own guests? It sucks that you wouldn’t be able to have your friends (who know your son at least) to be able to celebrate with you. the common consensus on the forum here would be that you and your husband should be able to decide where your portion of the money goes. You can stipulate that your portion is for specific parts of the wedding only and not for the honeymoon. Are you guys giving the couple the money up front? If you agree to pay for specific things, tell them to give you the bill.

If the couple doesnt want to invite friends of parents, I think that's fair. Slightly ride, but still acceptable. As for using the money for the honeymoon, unless you agreed to pay for the honeymoon, I think it should be put toward the wedding or returned.

I think it’s fine if the couple doesn’t want their parents to invite any friends the couple does not know. However, if the parents were willing to pay for the wedding, the couple should not get to use the leftover money for their honeymoon! I think any unused money should go back to the parents. Ek.

I disagree with everyone else. If both sets of parents are paying for the wedding then they (parents) should be able to invite some of their friends. Yes, the bride and groom are getting married HOWEVER a wedding includes other people to: family, friends, co-workers and sometimes, people you dont know (ex: cousins BF, co-workers husband, parent's friends, etc.)If the bride wants it's to be "her day" then she should pay for it.

I would never think it's ok to automatically think it's ok to use the money for something else other than what it is originally intended for. The bride should definitely ask if it's ok to use the money for a honeymoon.

While it might come across a bit rude, I don't think it's unreasonable. Having people you don't know at your wedding is awkward. Big events also aren't for everyone.

Since you gave money for the wedding, I feel it's only right for them to return what's left. Funding a honeymoon wasn't agreed on! Concerning guests, it seems the couple is wanting a smaller, intimate wedding. I don't think they're intentionally trying to snub the parents

Have you handed them the money? If not, only give them half the cost of the wedding expenses on the vendor estimates/ receipts. If you gave them the money, ask for the return of leftover funds. If you let her mow you down on this, she'll do it again in the future. You are being polite to someone who has no problem making rude decisions with your money. You agreed on a budget for 100 people and there will only be 35?! That means more than half the guest budget is going towards the honeymoon. Unacceptable!

I strongly disagree with the “our day” or brides decision stuff. My fiancé and I are paying for most of our day, with his parents only paying for the rehearsal dinner. Both my mom and his parents have close family friends they would like there and we happily invited them. I only understand if they are friends that your child does not know. The friends we have invited are our parents lifelong friends that we’ve known for almost our whole lives. I don’t understand why you can’t invite at least a couple people if only 35 are coming. And taking your money for the honeymoon is unacceptable. I don’t know everyone’s financial situation or generosity so maybe they assumed you’d be ok with it but that’s not ok. You need to let your child know that you are unhappy with how *your* money is being spent. It doesn’t have to be a big blowout fight just let it be clear that you are not pleased. You love them and are excited for the wedding but feel pushed out of something you should be involved in especially when your wallet is funding it.

Honestly, after she dictated that no friends were allowed to be invited, you should have withdrawn your financial support if that was a dealbreaker for you. I think it's really wild that instead of allowing parents to invite friends when the guest count is low, she decides to pay for her honeymoon. I think you should talk to your son and tell him you really would like to invite a few friends. If he says no, tell him the money was a gift for the wedding, not a honeymoon.

I think if the bride and groom are not paying for their wedding fully and the parents are splitting the costs just themselves then they do not have as much of a say. It’s a bit rude to have someone else pay for your wedding and their only demand be to invite their friends. If someone offered to pay for my wedding and that was their sole demand, I would oblige out of gratefulness that my wedding was even being funded by them. However, if the bride and groom are financing their wedding as well, I do believe they have a say in those matters. I would also return any leftover money from wedding if parents were funding as again it is not my money. You might have to ask them to give you back any money left over or to re-estimate budget to the parents with every change.

I get both sides. We invited 23x of FH parents friends (1x is a widower who doesn’t date & was invited w/ his twin brother & his SIL). If I heard - “they are family friends” one more time I was going to toss myself out of the window.
However, we are also paying for the wedding & reception ourselves. If they were paying that it would be more open to whom they wanted. It was one of the reasons why I insisted on paying the wedding ourselves w/o asking for help.

Oh no no no. They do not get to decide on what is done with the extra money! Either they return your half of the extra money, since the cost was split, or tell the bride you are inviting a few friends. It might be their day but that left over is YOUR money!!
Think of it this way. If you gave one of your kids $25,000 to buy a car but they only paid $15,000, are you going to let them walk away with $10,000 in their pocket? H no you wouldn't.

I might be in the minority here but I disagree with the bride dictating who is invited and what they'll do with the extra money. Yes, it's our day and should be how we want it but it's also our parents day too. They raised us, are there for us no matter what, are proud of us and excited for us. Why shouldn't they have their friends there too? I'm not saying they should go overboard and invite everyone they've ever met but what's wrong with them inviting a few of their closest friends? Especially when they're paying. Doesn't your son have any say in any of this? Either she's making all the decisions (which is not good) or he agrees with it and is letting her be the bad guy.

I do believe that if the parents are splitting the cost, they should get to invite some people. However, I do understand not wanting a bunch of your parents' friends at the wedding. We have a bigger family than FH so our guest list is a little more in my favor than his. My mom is paying for the wedding, which we agreed on around 100 people because we don't want a huge wedding. My mom came to me with like 20 people she wanted to add to the guest list - people I have never met, people we (not just me) haven't spoken to in years. So I just kindly asked her if she wouldn't mind cutting her list down because the last thing I wanted was to flood our guest list with even more people FH hasn't ever met and make it feel like we only have guests there for me. She was super understanding and agreed to cut her list down since we originally agreed on 100 people. So, I get both sides. I do not think she should have shut everyone out, but based on my experience, I do understand not wanting the guest list to be flooded with your parents' friends.

I also agree that it is pretty rude to just take the extra money and use it towards the honeymoon if that was not agreed upon or offered by you.

I notice you keep saying "the bride" said this, did this, told us this....did you ever think that its the bride and your sons plan?
If you have such an issue, why not just contact your son directly and see what his thoughts are?
Maybe your son is not doing much planning, but that they agreed on these decision and thats why shes telling you. Also maybe shes telling you directly to incluce you in the wedding.
Althought on the other hand, you and her parents are splitting the bill...you should be able to at least invite a few friends

Also since you are giving money...if you did not agree on giving that money to pay for the honey moon i would make it very clear and also on give a certain amount of money.
Maybe tell your SON that you did not agree to have that money go towards the honeymoon

I would sit down with your son and fiancé and her parents and see if a few of your friends would be able to come if you paid for them. I don’t see a problem with that at all. My parents invited whoever they wanted and I gave them zero issue. They also are paying for most of the wedding. But still I think she’s being controlling if she won’t let you even invite one friend? Especially if only 35 people are coming

Oh wow. I am so sorry for you. In my family, a wedding is a celebration of FAMILY....not just the couple. The fact that she has room to accommodate family friends and is just going to use the budget for the honeymoon is ridiculously selfish. I would ask for the remaining balance back. Pay what you said you would for the wedding, venues, etc. and get the rest of your money back. THEY said it would be 100 people, THEY created the budget and now only 35 people are coming?!?! It seems like a grand scheme to get their honeymoon paid for as well. I feel like they knew only a low amount of people would be coming. Hopefully you didn't already give them money.....