Parents Are Not Allowed To Invite Friends. :-(

Oh no no no. If you and her parents are paying for the wedding, you should be allowed to invite some friends. She also can't just take that money and use it towards the honeymoon if she wants, unless you and her parents are ok with it. We are splitting our wedding costs evenly across us and both sets of parents. They have friends on the list. Since they are putting up a lot of money, they get to party with their friends too. As another poster suggested, talk to her parents and your son. She seems to be acting like a spoiled child. If she is opposed to you having a few friends, as long as it stays under 100 people, I would personally withdraw the funding and allow them to pay for their 35 guests on their own dime. It sounds like the couple isn't contributing anything to their own wedding, correct?

Whoaa no, anybody saying it's "the brides day" isn't right in this case. 100 people is certainly enough for you to be able to invite a few people if YOU ARE PAYING FOR IT, and you 100% can and should say "hey, the money we gave you was to celebrate and for your wedding, if it won't be used for that, we will need it back." The brides day means you don't tell her who should be in her bridal party and what color her flowers should be and that she has to have a reception line, it doesn't mean she tells you to pay for a big party and then throws a small one and keeps your money.
We planned out a big wedding for the first month or so of being engaged, and then decided we wanted something smaller. My parents said they'll give us X amount and we can do what we want with it, fiances parents said they'll give us X amount if we do something big and half that amount to help cover it if we do something small. I think both sides are being very reasonable, I'm thankful for the amount his parents have offered up and couldn't imagine not communicating with them where their money is going. It is extremely kind of anyone to be giving you any aid in funding a wedding, it's rude of her to not let you invite anyone and to be telling you what your money is doing when you gave it to them for a specific purpose. I would tell her your money is for wedding only and that because her budget has gone down you aren't going to pay as much.
Our wedding will be 50 people. I was a little upset for a few weeks when fiances dad kept asking if a certain couple could be there. It took me a moment, but I backed down and realized that while it is our event, it is not our money being poured into it. We let each set of parents pick a couple they wanted to have there. If 100 people had been invited we probably would have doubled that. I will say, now that only 35 are going, it might be a good idea to hold off on asking for your friends to be there now that it seems like not many of hers will be there.

I agree that the bride and groom should have the majority of the guests be invited by them and be their friends and family as the day is about them and not their parents. As you are partially paying, I would allow maybe 2-3 guests/couples. My FMIL is inviting a ton of her friends as they are contributing some money to the wedding. I’m not happy with the amount she is inviting, but FH said it’s appropriate so I went with it, despite me never meeting a bunch of them 🙄. She also wanted to invite them to the shower, which I shot down immediately.

1. My parents do not get to invite friends, as my mother pointed out that portion of wedding planning has dramatically changed in the last few years. Weddings are much smaller and more intimate now. I'd suggest picking a few very close friends of yours you'd like to invite and see about compromise.
2. They do NOT get to decide where the money goes if they are not footing the bill! I am very specifically paying for everything myself for that exact reason. If they want to do whatever they can pay for whatever.
Tell your son that him and his fiance are rude and greedy for doing that! They need to be put in their place immedately or you'll end with a problem. Tell them you will write checks to the vendors only and not personal ones to your son or his fiance.
Also my parents looked into it, depending on how much you planned to contribute to the wedding your state might declare it enough for the gift tax, paying vendors directly saves everyone from risking paying taxes. You do not need any extra drama.
Good luck.

I feel for you, my mom got to invite all of her work friends and my grandparents even got to invite their best friend couple (who we've never met) because it was important to them! I want them to be able to share in our day with their friends too! However, I would weigh my options carefully because as unfair as this all has been, i would not want to alienate my child from me by getting into a serious fight with his spouse. So no good answer from me. It kind of depends on your relationship with your son. What did he say about this and how close are you? Can you discuss your feelings with him about it privately?

I feel like since you guys are paying for the wedding she should let you invite a couple of close friends (that are close to your son as well). However, if she were paying for the wedding this decision would be totally up to her. We are paying for our wedding but, I know my dad would love for a few close friends to him show up so I invited them because he wants to share this big day with them and they have been in my life since I was in a diaper. But, yeah she shouldn't be deciding what she does with the extra cash since it is not hers. She should give back whatever extra is there and if you and the parents want to gift it to them then do so. Or use the extra money to pay for a few extra people for you and the parents to invite.

They are being incredibly selfish, rude, and ungrateful. They're treating both sets of parents like you're nothing more than ATM's. If they want the day to be only about them and they want to control the entire guest list then they should be paying for everything themselves, not expecting others to pay for it and then refusing to even consider their wishes.

You should make it very clear to your son that you only agreed to pay for half of the wedding, not the honeymoon, and you will only be paying for your half of the wedding bills as agreed. Ask to see all of the invoices so you can submit your half of the payment. Even better, see if the vendors can send copies of the bills directly to you. If you gave what was previously estimated to be your half of the wedding expenses to the couple up front, tell your son that you expect to have the remainder returned to you once all final bills are paid. Still ask to see all invoices so you know what the remainder should be. I wouldn't worry about alienating anyone when they're the ones who are clearly in the wrong here.

I would tell them u are only helping them pay for the wedding and not their honeymoon. If there's mit a 100 people then u shouldn't have o psy that amount

It is not right of her to decide how to spend extra cash. Tell her now, you will pay whatever you agreed on for the wedding.

If she feels alienated because you would not pay for her honeymoon, then you do not have much of a relationship.

I have sort of the same type of mentality as the bride in the sense that i want to walk around my wedding and know the people there and celebrate with the people in MY life. however, i do believe if you're contributing to the finances then you should be able to invite some people. i allowed both our parents to invite their guests even though they are not contributing to the wedding financially. it is customary in my culture to allow the parents to invite and although i hate the idea of walking around not knowing these people, i know that the wedding is a day for both parents to also share in this milestone with their friends. i did however, restrict how many people they could invite. i hope when you speak to your son and his fiance, that there can come to a middle ground such as allowing you to have a table or two [or whatever agreed upon amount] of your own invitees.

Why is all the blame being put on the bride here? It seems like your child was involved in these decisions. If your expectation was that you would be able to invite guests or you wouldn't have paid for the wedding, you probably should have communicated that to your child before these decisions were made. Either way, child and their bride will now be a unit, so best bet it so try to avoid singling either our for blame on decisions that are made jointly.

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Wow this is such a controlling approach. A conversation about finances and priorities with the gifted money is appropriate, but this approach is way over the line.

Totally fair for the bride to not want strangers there (it IS their day after all, to think that the parents should be able to use it as a personal party is just entitlement)... but it's completely out of line for her to ask for them to pay 100 guests then keep half the money for herself!!

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The parents have agreed to pay for half the cost of the wedding. How is it out of line to want to know the exact cost of what they are paying for? They didn't agree to pay for the honeymoon, so they have every right to refuse to allow any of their money to be used for it.

That's super nice you are splitting it! My father is paying for 100%, so I know he would appreciate if my fiance's family helped at all. I would talk to your son privately, it really isn't appropriate to tell the parents they can't invite anyone if they are paying. I'm not sure how much you are paying, but maybe offer to contribute the extra cost per person to include your friends. I do agree the bride & groom should invite their entire guest list first, but I think not including your friends when you are paying isn't appropriate. Did you write a check to your son and not pay the vendors specifically? I'd talk to your son privately, you agreed to pay for the wedding not the honeymoon so that doesn't make any sense for her to just assume she can use it for whatever if there is leftover.

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The same goal could just as easily be met through a conversation than by demanding receipts and stepping in to request the vendors bill you directly. This approach is just going from 0 to 60 needlessly, where a conversation and discussion about priorities is the appropriate starting point. It just demonstrates a complete lack of trust and respect in the relationship, and at this point is prematurely escalated.

Your son is likely just as involved in this decision as the bride is. It's unfair to put this all on her.
That being said, if your helping to pay I think you should be given a number of seats to fill for your friends. Personally, some of my parents friends are basically family to me so my parents have about 15 friends coming. She may be concerned that you will go overboard with the number of friends you invite (my fiancee's parents sent us a list of 75 of their friends...). I would speak to your son (and assuming he also has a relationship with these friends of yours), and hopefully you can compromise on a handful of your nearest and dearest being there.

I have an issue with her making this decision considering the parents are footing the bill....Years ago (before i wass engaged) my mom made a comment about her friends that would be invited to my future wedding. I explained that because I would be paying for my wedding her friends would be invited after we saw if there was enough space. She completely agreed because why should I be paying for her friends......You are paying. You should have had a large input on the guest list or Bride should have stepped up and paid for the wedding.

I'm sorry you and your husband are in this situation but I'm glad you are taking the high road and not commenting even though you (rightfully) disagree with her decision.

I am so glad I don't have to deal with this. My parents don't have friends and FH's side never suggested they needed to invite any of their friends although idk if they have friends either. My parents agreed that their own cousins had no place at our wedding because our wedding was about our friends and our families not theirs. BUT we are visiting my mom's cousins/friends in Italy this summer and she is inviting them to the wedding should they want to come, but she is paying their meals/drinks. I can see both sides, if the bride and groom want a small wedding, but if you're paying for it what difference does it truly make to them to invite a couple friends.. I don't get that. Additionally, the money leftover should be given back to both sets of parents not used for a honeymoon if not directed to do so.

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I agree completely.