Parents can’t be civil for wedding planning what do i do?

Just don't include them in wedding planning lol. If they can't act civil, then they don't get to participate and honestly, they don't need to be a part of planning anyways. You and your FH are the ones that make the decisions, and adding other opinions in there makes a mess lol.

We had this problem in the beginning with my mom. She wanted things done a certain way and argued with us over everything. I just told her: "If you can't respect our wishes and be civil during wedding planning, then you will not be included any longer." She hasn't said a peep since lol.

If you want your normal wedding with everyone, then have it! Don't let their childish actions take away from what you both want.

Honestly, there is probably nothing you can do to have no drama, you just have to pick how much drama and what type.

If you have a wedding and allow your parents to pay, it sounds like they want to have a certain amount of say in what happens... cue drama.

If you elope alone or have a courthouse wedding you risk making people upset that you didn't have a wedding... still drama but it'll probably be over soon.

The best of both worlds is probably having a possibly smaller wedding than what you could with your parents paying, and pay for it yourselves. If anyone tries to tell you how you should do something, shut them down. You'll get some drama from the pushback and just normal family stuff, but you'll at the very least know that your day is what you want.

I can understand the financial stress factor that comes with having and planning a wedding when money is an issue, I went through this with my first wedding. If your Mom has already started making her "special requests" of what she wants then it is because she feels entitlement due to her paying the expenses for it. I actually went through this with my ex mother-in-law.
I say you need to have that heart-to-heart talk with her in order to lay out your boundaries, letting her know that yes you are very grateful for her help and willingness to assist in paying for your wedding, but that does not mean she gets to dictate to you what and how she wants things....because this is your wedding and she has merely decided to help. Let it be known that she has to control herself, as in the comments she wants to make of her opinions/wants....now this is the part to where I don't want to say whether you should or not have the wedding or elope because I feel that isn't my place, but I would suggest you and your FH take time to talk about it and decide that if she cannot control herself then (i.e. you won't accept her help with paying for the wedding and will elope instead) or whatever you two feel is the best decision/reasoning/explanation to tell her.

I understand that friends and/or family want to help, financially, so they feel that their opinions mean the most because of paying, yet want to get resentful or mean because their opinion isn't liked or goes along with the vision of the people who are getting married. It was supposedly out of pure generosity, love and care to help, but in my opinion whomever needs to understand that this day they are helping pay for isn't about them, what they want, or what they would like to have, it's about the loved ones they are supposedly trying to help.

Unfortunately, I don't think you'll be able to 100% eliminate the drama, and I am so sorry they are making you feel like you can't have the special day you want. One suggestion would be to assign certain tasks to each of your parents. Give them something you don't really care about. For example, I asked my mom to find a florist for me. I don't particularly care about flowers or where they come from. This way, they are involved in the planning, but not stepping on your toes for certain aspects that you want.

I hope this helps, and I hope they try to back up a bit. If it gets too bad definitely talk to them and express how you're feeling. But don't let them push you to have an elopement. You should have the traditional wedding you want.

If you're paying for the wedding, you get the say in how it rolls. Decline any financial assistance so you can call your own shots. Then state what you would like, and don't start waffling to try and please everyone. Good luck, that's hard.