Parents helping other kids with wedding and not you?

Look, I grew up in a household where all children were not treated equal. It sucks but you get over it. Obviously the parents have their reasons for doing what they are doing. Let it go or it will eat at you.

You're totally right. It sucks.

Well you're on the right track not expecting anything. Unfortunately the parents may realize your FH is more self-sufficient than his siblings were/are, and that's why they offered. I can understand why it can be hurtful but maybe he can take it as a compliment that he has his shit together? haha

I am very sorry, this is hurtful. Parents may not realize they are setting up resentment. Is there some back story? Did they pay more for your DH's education? Do they think the two of you are well off?

If this were my mom, I would tell her, you would be better off saving your money, because you won't be moving in with me when you get old.

I would be hurt if my parents were paying for siblings and not mine. Your feelings are valid!

But as @JessieJV stated it'll eat at you. Know your feelings are valid but move forward for your own sake of mind!

He is the youngest of the kids and we really don't have much. I think @jessiejv is right that some kids just aren't treated equally. Things like this teach us how to be better parents though. I would never want my children to feel like they're not good enough or are undeserving.

Hubs parents give the one sister 10K for their wedding.... which as we approaced the wedding was being finalized as a divorce.

They certainly helped- (paid for the venue)- but when my whole wedding only 13ish- it fucking blew my mind we were pinching pennies (originally hubs wasn't going to entertain any conversations about money at all with them)- that that's what they had previously given.

Sucks- but it's a reality.

Eventually they did contribute- and I was very grateful- I'm also really grateful to feel like we don't owe them for a whole hell of a lot.

We just got done paying off all FH's medical debt that he has because of his dad telling him he had insurance back in HS. So even if there was money offered I probably shouldn't count on it.

@karen k my FH's job pays for his schooling which is really awesome. He's never asked his parents for anything. We are not well off by any means. They know we struggle. He knows we just paid $2000 worth of medical bill debt. If anything his siblings are much more well off. You're totally right about the resentment.

@future Mrs. Keil great advice I appreciate you!! I was kind of scared to even post about this because I didn't want anyone to think we expected anything. It does feel good to know that I'm not crazy for feeling this way.

@fiddlinbritt I guess I don't really know.

You are not crazy at all to feel hurt by it. FH and I are paying for our wedding. My parents have 5 kids and the only one that they paid for was my brother that's 2 years older than me. Of course my father passed away when I was 19 and I wouldn't ever expect anything from my mom. My mom actually lives with me because she is retired and I don't want her to have to worry about anything. She doesn't pay for anything at my house and I wouldn't expect her to.

The thing is it does suck that your FH's family is doing that because I know that my dad always did things for my brother but not for the other 4 kids and when my dad passed their was a lot of resentment. My 2 older brothers rarely even speak anymore and it sucks.

My sister married/divorced, her ex a deadbeat dad, and my mother would often help my sister out to make ends meet. When my sister looked into buying a house my mother gave her money for a down payment. When we became engaged two years ago my mother took me out for lunch and gifted me with a check. I tried not to take it, she insisted, so I accepted graciously, but I figured that it was her way of "balancing" out what she had done for my sister over the years.

My H's parents paid for their two daughters weddings but didn't offer with ours (we did not expect them to), but they gifted us money when we were buying a house this year.

Sometimes it may seem unfair and sometimes it is, other times parents wait and help when and where they think it's most needed.

It sucks but look at it this way, they can't dictate anything about how you and your FH plan your wedding. Remember no pay, no say.

@Mrs Walters - I feel upset because of FH's family all the time. It's because of the way they treat him. I think that's where OP is coming from. She's not upset because of the circumstances necessarily, she's upset because it's upsetting to her FH, and completely unfair to him.

Yep! BIL got 20k plus the rehearsal dinner; we got a rehearsal picnic. They spent some on their budget on what I'd consider frivolous stuff and the food they served was horrible. Screwed-up priorities!

It's not the first time they've shown financial favoritism and I'm sure it won't be the last.

Sadly, my father's mother has always shown favoritism, with her kids and grandkids, too.

I've learned to rise above it!

Thank you everyone!! It feels good to know I'm not alone in this.

@OHP . My dad told us on Father's day that we shouldn't get married. His reason? " I thought I loved your mom when we got married until I realized how much pussy was out there" talk about awkward for FH and I...

@Dreamer wow. 20k.. and you got a picnic? That is just so rude. I don't understand how parents can be like this.

My parents never helped me pay for anything. I bought my first car at 27 years old, after I had been married and divorced, single mom at that point. I live with my parents for a total of 2 months while I got back on my feet.

My parents on the other hand paid in full for a brand new car for my sister on her 26th birthday (her first one) ... and she has been living with them forever. She has never left home.

I asked my dad one day "why?"... his exact words to me were "we aren't worried about you, you are very capable and have proven so multiple times... your sister on the other hand, doesn't have the same skill/mentality, we bought a car for her, so we know she is safe."

It's whatever. They have their favorites.. they have their reasons. It does suck and makes you feel a type of way... but take it as a compliment that you are very capable and self sufficient that they don't have to worry about you, your life or your future..because you got this