Parents helping other kids with wedding and not you?

I can absolutely relate to your situation. My dad paid for my step- mothers daughter's wedding and won't even come to mine.

@2b_Mrs. JT wow that really is unfair to you. They are just enforcing her actions by doing all that for her. You are better off <3

It definitely sucks, but I think in the end you and your FH will be all the more proud of the wedding that you financed all by yourselves, since he'll be the first one his his family to do that. And you'll know for sure to treat all your children with equal love and care, so that they never end up feeling like this.

@Mrs.Massiah to be that is heartbreaking. That is just so mean and hard for me to comprehend.

@delfina I hope so. It kills me seeing them get everything that I wanted for my wedding. Like the 4,000 venue that I wanted so bad but couldn't comprehend spending that much money on. So now I will have to sit through their wedding at the place that I wanted to badly but I'll do it with a smile on my face and pretend like it doesn't even bother me. I will definitely make sure my children know they are loved equally.

I would be really hurt. Of course you'll get over it but it still stings. FH's Mom definitely has her favorite and we all know it. He takes full advantage and it drive us all crazy. He's the one who looks bad though. Total mommas boy and proud of it. It's gross.

I know how you feel it's sucks. My FH and I are paying everything our selves and it's really hard. My FMIL offered to pay for some of it as long as we pay her back but I don't see the meaning of that if it would be the same thing if we just pay it ourselves I don't want to have to worry about paying someone back while I'm on my honey moon

@OP,

Your feelings are valid even if emotions can be irrational or messy at times. I would be hurt, too, if my parents chose to pay for most (or all) of my sibling's wedding but not mine. Even though we are not entitled our wedding to be paid for it still hurts when it seems parents play favorites by choosing to pay more for one son/daughter over another.

I agree with another poster, you'll have to let it go or it will eat at you and it could build up into a resentful molehill to mountain with angry words slipping out during a confrontation that you will not be able to take back and could damage your relationship with your FIL's. That scenario could be farfetched but still possible and I'm sure that's not what you want.

Do what you've done: have your WW rant, feel better, and move forward with your wedding planning, knowing you'll have an amazing beautiful wedding where nothing, not even unfair favoritism can take away your happiness.

ETA: clarity

My parents aren't that bad but they do things along the same lines because my brother isn't as financially stable. It's stupid. I sometimes feel like I'm being punished for being more responsible.

I'm sorry they are doing that. Parents need to realize it's wrong. Like others have said, try not to let it bother you.

I can totally understand why that would be hurtful to you! FH parents paid 12k for his sisters wedding and haven't offered anything to us, which is fine because my parents offered to pay for the wedding, but it would still be nice to have them contribute a Little. Just gotta move on though, can't let ruin your day.

It sucks but don't focus on it. You guys are better off because you will not need to ask anyone for their opinions! No pay no say!

My best friend dealt with this. She and her DH paid for their wedding and his parents paid for the RD, which ended up being nicer than the reception. Her parents were livid, but they didn't chip in financially other than her mom making the centerpieces (she's an art teacher) and her dad hiring a Clinique makeup artist for the bride and the BP the morning of (he is the manager at a well-know department store). Fast forward about 4-5 years later: her parents pay for her younger brother's wife's engagement ring, his trip down to Disney world to propose to her while she was on vacation with her sorority sisters (and her trip to DW too), plus her dress and a huge chunk of the wedding. Best friend's mom didn't even go dress shopping with best friend. She said she had plans that day.

This is unrelated but a similar type of thing. My brother accused me of being the favorite because my mom paid for my college. It wasn't easy, and my brother has resented me for since I was 18 (27 now). She didn't pay for his college because he had a full scholarship and we chose different types of schools. He doesn't see it that way; he sees it like I went to some stuck up school and he went to a public university and Mom paid for me to go there but not him. It isn't a good feeling on either side. I hate being resented and he feels like the second-class sibling. It's not fair on either side. Your feelings are totally valid and I'm so sorry that you are feeling that way. I hope you and your FH feel better about the situation soon.

@crescent I can't believe this. Everyone's stories like this especially yours. Why are parents like this?! Especially how her parents paid for their son to propose and for the ring WTF. I bet she was feeling worse than I am. Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry you're going through that with your brother. That must be really hard on you.

@kari you're totally right about the resentment. I really don't even want to be around them and neither does FH. Being an adult is hard!

@Bridetobe, my best friend was devastated. She didn't speak to her parents for a few months and when her mom asked why, she said well mom, you have a daughter who got married and you couldn't care less so I'm not sure why you care so much for someone who isn't your daughter. My brother and I are ok now. He harbors some resentment, but it's nowhere near as bad as it used to be. My mom's best friend very quickly put him in his place when it first started rearing its ugly head. He still makes snide comments sometimes, but deep down, I think he knows that had the tables been turned, she would have done the same thing for him! I chose a different educational path than he did and he was lucky enough to have scholarships cover his entire tuition and I didn't. Simple fact!

ETA: my brother and I are pretty far apart in age (7 years) but are really close. We always have been, even when I was little. So, we get under each other's skin and fight probably more than most siblings. Honestly, if I could pick one person in the entire world who drives me absolutely bonkers, I wouldn't say DH! I would say my brother! (He's older!)

I totally understand where your coming from. We got engaged in 2018, we were told by my parents and my FH parents they would not be helping with the wedding. We ended up paying for a 40000 wedding all by ourselves, my MIL and FIL did pay for our honeymoon and rehearsal dinner which came out to about 10000. I’m grateful for that, but when My sister-in-law got engaged in 2019 a few months before our wedding. My MIL said she will be giving them 30000 for their wedding. I was hurt. How can you say you won’t help us but will give them that much and to top it off my future brother in laws family gave them 15000, 45000 dollars and my MIL couldn’t help us, she was gung-ho on my Dad paying for everything and brought it up multiple times! I was insulted.