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Morgan
Just Said Yes October 2019

Parents of bride not talking to us...help!

Morgan, on July 18, 2019 at 10:33 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 7
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My fiancé and I have already sent out our save the dates and our wedding is about 80 days away. We just had an irreversible fight with my parents who don’t want to converse with us “for now”. They were going to help us pay for the wedding and get things together but now we aren’t even sure they will talk to us and if we want to deal with the drama of having them there. They were also inviting their friends who we didn’t want. I am at a loss for what to do for inviting and keeping the wedding peace. Any advice on how to make it all go smoothly??

7 Comments

Latest activity by Cassi, on July 19, 2019 at 11:34 AM
  • 2d Bride
    Champion October 2009
    2d Bride ·
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    With regard to your parents, if the situation really is "irreversible" (i.e., if you never want them in your life again), then you don't have to send them invitations. However, if you still hope to repair the relationship, you should probably send them an invitation. They still may not come, but at least they will have evidence you tried.

    For your parents' friends, once you send out STDs, you've got to send invitations. (This is just one of many examples of why I recommend not sending STDs.) All you can do is to hope that word will get around that your parents aren't coming, and their friends won't want to come, either.

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  • Morgan
    Just Said Yes October 2019
    Morgan ·
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    Thank you so much!
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  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
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    If it was really irreversible there wouldn't be a for now. Unfortunately if you already sent the STD you can't unsend them to the friends.
    As far as paying goes go forward assuming they won't pay for anything to cover yourself.
    Without any specifics I can't suggest anything better than wait and see.
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  • D
    Super July 2020
    D ·
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    Sometimes "for now" is a small cooling off period that may only be a week or two. I agree you need to send invitations to everyone that got a STD. Hopefully you can afford to pay for the things the parents were offering to help with.
    Extend the invitations to your parents regardless. The drama could be resolved before or even after the wedding and if you don't give them the chance to be there you might regret it. Hope everything works out for you!
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  • Jasmine
    Dedicated August 2020
    Jasmine ·
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    It almost seems as though they are holding their money over your heads. I would say try to pay for it on your own and don’t wait on them. The truth is that when some people try to “help” it’s just a way for them to control you. If it’s starting now imagine when you have children, how will they try to manipulate you. Don’t try to reach out to them anymore so they understand that you don’t need them in your life. Good luck!
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  • Sinéad
    WeddingWire Administrator January 2025
    Sinéad ·
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    Hi Morgan! Welcome to the WeddingWire community.

    I’m so sorry that this has happened and that you are going through this.

    Not inviting a close family member is a very big decision to make, especially when it is your parents who have, up until recently, been offering to help finance your wedding. I would think very carefully about not inviting them as it may cause a further rift in your relationship.

    As the pp mentioned, once you have sent out the STDs to your guests, you are obliged to send them an invitation, so I would probably go ahead and include the friends of your parents. Have your parents discussed not funding your wedding anymore?

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  • Cassi
    Super October 2019
    Cassi ·
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    Without knowing the specifics its pretty hard to give advice.. if the fight was about the friends being invited I feel they can get over this. i would move forward expecting nothing from them and just plan FH and yourself are paying for everything. if they give you money down the road you can use it to offset costs somewhere else or replenish. If they give you any money though traditionally they get a say in guest list to an extent. If you genuinely can't afford adding the people then that needs to be a conversation with them. My parents paid for our venue and my mom invited some people without running it by me. While I told her it was okay (because she paid for venue) I asked that she not do it again without at least giving me a heads up (I have to keep track of invitations and everything). I hope everything gets better though. No one wants their parents to miss their wedding day :/

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