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Layla

Parents using their cash gift to me to pay for the wedding

Layla, on September 1, 2021 at 9:14 AM Posted in Planning 0 7
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When I got engaged, my parents told me they’re giving me $ as a wedding gift (kind of like an early inheritance), and initially they said I can use it for the wedding or anything else I want (like down payment for a house). We decided to have a micro wedding to save $ and because we’re not big party people. My parents also insisted on paying for my wedding which I’m grateful for but I did put up a bit of a fight about in the beginning because my parents can be very overbearing and my fiancé and I just wanted to plan day the way we want.


The current issue is that my mom wants to have super expensive things like an open bar, real flowers, high end champagne, etc. She thinks she gets to decide because she is throwing me the wedding, but the way I see it is that any $ spent on the wedding is just coming out of the gift they’d be giving me, aka my down payment on my house or baby supplies.
I know I shouldn’t compare, but they’re giving my sister the same gift as me, plus about 50k for her big wedding. She chose to use her whole inheritance on her wedding.

Am I being spoiled by not wanting to splurge on these extra things for my wedding so I can use my gift for other things? And would it be rude to tell my mom the reason why I don’t want an open bar/other expensive things is because it will take away from my inheritance?

7 Comments

Latest activity by Melle, on September 1, 2021 at 11:14 AM
  • J
    Super March 2022
    JA ·
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    I think the only way to go about this would be to sit down and have an open conversation about this. something like, "I feel so grateful for your amazing gift and for you helping plan my wedding! I just wanted to make sure we are on the same page as far as what our priorities are for both the wedding day, and (FH) and I's life after the wedding. We really are working towards being able to buy a house and start/continue to grow our family, and to us, that takes priority over the wedding day. While I appreciate you wanting only the best for us, like having real flowers and great quality champagne, we would really rather cut wedding costs so that we have more money to put towards a down payment and starting our married lives."

    At the end of the day, regardless of the money, your wedding is yours and your FH's, not your family's. Make sure you explain why you're feeling this way, your boundaries, and lay out EXACTLY what you would like moving forward. Clear communication is ALWAYS the best way to navigate these situations.

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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    Is the money actually coming out of your inheritance or are they paying for the wedding separate from the money they planned to give you? It’s a little unclear on if that’s a known fact or an assumption. You could certainly have a conversation with her about some of these things (real flowers and high end champagne seem unnecessary) but I wouldn’t concentrate on things that change the guest experience like the open bar. I’d also be careful how you word whatever you say because realistically speaking it’s their money right now to do with what they want, whether you’d eventually inherit it or not.
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  • Layla
    Layla ·
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    The $ for the wedding is coming from the inheritance, she made it clear already. I know, I really do need to be careful because it’s such a touchy topic
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  • Layla
    Layla ·
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    That’s a great idea and it sounds like the perfect way to say it. Thank you!!
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  • E
    Super July 2023
    Eniale ·
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    I would very politely explain to her, making sure you express your gratitude - gratitude is what will make the difference between this coming off as spoiled or genuinely concerned. Say, "I'm really appreciative that you want to give us a great wedding. But it's important to me that I have a great start to my married life, and I would rather those funds are reserved for a house or supplies for our growing family."

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  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    You're not spoiled for wanting to have a more modest wedding, but this cash gift clearly comes with strings. Your mother wants a say in your wedding. If you let her fund it, she gets somewhat of a say, whether you call this money an inheritance, a wedding gift, or paying for the wedding.


    Make sure you're on the same page. I'd earmark specific items they're paying for, so they know where their money is going.
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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I think what you are saying sounds very practical for yourself! if you want a smaller and simpler wedding and want to use the rest for a home or baby stuff, i would just say that to your parents straight up

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