Passive aggressive RSVPs

Oh my gosh that would drive me bonkers! Hope you're not stressing about it, some people have to have the last word! Cheers to Friday!

Well at least you don't have to pay for them!

It does sound passive aggressive. Some people believe their little darlings should be invited everywhere.

Consider it a blessing in disguise if they are going to have that attitude! It is super disappointing and can be hurtful when people are selfish and don't respect your wishes. Everyone always wants it to be about them. I am getting similar backlash about not wanting any children at my wedding. the only one will be my 3yo son and that is because he is MY son and it is MY wedding. he also gets along with my youngest cousin who is 10 so it is not like he needs other children there to be entertained like people are trying to argue.

Well, welcome to parenthood, rude cousin and wife. If the invitation had been to a top level, exclusive, career enhancing, formal dinner/dance hosted by one of their employers, you can be sure that no snark would have accompanied their "delightfully accepts" response. You can also be sure that finding a babysitter would have been Job #2, right after the two of them decided what elegant clothing they were going to wear to an exclusive, swanky event. People are so rude. If you want to live life as free as a bird, don't have kids, and if you do have kids, have a good list of babysitters. What you don't do is throw a swipe or two at a couple who considered you honored guests at their once in a lifetime event. Have a nice evening at home, rude cousin and wife.

My mom told me I can't expect my brother to attend unless I invite his girlfriend's 3 year old son. Let it go and enjoy a stiff drink tonight!

But she's the center of their universe ...

They they don't come.

My cousin was a bit snarky when it was spelled out that no children are invited. She has been a part of several conversations regarding this. Her sister is getting married two months after me & my mom & her mom (my aunt) have had discussions about how I'm not having kids & my cousin is (completely different weddings). Before I have even sent out invitations, cousin A got snarky, "Well, I'll have to let you know if we can attend or not". Sweetheart, that's what the RSVP is for! I've let it go, had to, it would just make me crazy.

Oh, I'm not losing sleep over it. I'm just baffled at the need for a dig when they're declining. Are they trying to get people to dislike them?

Though their wedding was cash bar, so the writing was on the wall

I agree, twostep! It's their choice not to attend an adult only wedding if that is a deal breaker for them, but making an issue of it like that is unnecessary and just asking to cause problems between you guys. Not cool.

Don't even worry about it. I'd keep it though and in a couple years you guys will be laughing hysterically at it.

Yay! A cash bar! Did the kids at their wedding pay for their chocolate milk, or did they only have to cough up money for their Shirley Temples?

I'm struggling with finding the right way to ask that children not attend. It's $100 a person and frankly, I don't want to worry about having to entertain children when it's my day and an open bar! What should I do?

@Nicole Just don't invite them.

How about never responding at all?

We invited 250 guests, including the only 2 aunt/uncle couples I have, on my side. My uncle and his wife were the only 2 guests to never RSVP. They never sent a congratulatory e-mail, greeting card - nothing. They never acknowledged my wedding existed, because their kids weren't invited. They live a 3 plus hour plane trip away from us; I had met their younger child twice in my life - my mother has never met him.

We attended another family wedding, a few years before ours, and no kids were invited. They brought them anyway. Then they refused the chicken fingers/fries meals, they were served, and went up to the adult buffet. My aunt even said, loud enough for multiple tables to hear "My children eat adult food!"

The groom had nieces the same age, who weren't invited and didn't attend. I'm sure his family wanted to bodily throw that family out of the room. P.S. The uncle travels for business alone and he travels with just his wife. They've had a nanny, since the first child was born, but they obviously could be the poster family, for a narcissistic sense of entitlement.

We had a fabulous time without them ...

@nicole seriously just don't address an invitation to "the smith family" just mr and Mrs smith. It's very simple.

That would drive me nuts! Just imagine if they did go, they would be bitter the entire time.

Well good riddance to bad rubbish!

Nicole, don't struggle. The issue of children vs. no children is just another aspect of planning. Remember, it's your tens of thousands paying for this wedding. You have the absolute right to invite whomever you want, and if it's 21 and over, that's the way it is.

At the end of the day, children/non-children is just another item on your outline of choices. Do we want charges plates? Yes or no? Do we want a professional officiant, Uncle Mumbles, or Uncle Here's My Headshot (from 20 years ago) to handle our ceremony? Do we want the ceremony in a house of worship or at the reception venue? Do we want floral centerpieces or non-floral centerpieces? Are we doing a first look or not? Do we want to have a child-friendly ceremony/reception or do we want the entire affair to be adult only? Can we afford an open bar, or should we stick with wine/beer? See, it's just another decision to make.

It's not personal. It's just a choice. I'm going to venture a guess that if you're doing a full open bar, you're spending a good deal of money on an event you really want your ADULT guests to enjoy. A full, open bar is a good enough reason to designate the event as adult only. Stick to your guns. Don't worry about explaining anything to any parent who has the audacity to question your guest list. The parents on the guest list know what their options are, and if they understand etiquette, they will either make child care arrangements and have a fabulous evening out, or they'll stay home with their kids in silent protest (that nobody at your wedding will be thinking about).

You have enough on your plates. You don't have to wring your hands over a choice that belongs to the parents in the group. Hey, there were quite a few great parties I had to decline (with clenched teeth) decades ago. Why? They were adult-only events, and a trusted sitter just wasn't available. It's just life.