Past Bridesmaids/ Groomsmen: how much $ did you invest into your friend's/ family member's wedding??

View Quoted Comment I wonder if our partners (our other bff's) would request no limits on a party for them . . . Oh wait, we're throwing each other weddings! 🤣🎆💸

View Quoted Comment You want to be a supportive, fun friend, but also not stress over parties. Conversations are good. I'm wary of bridal contracts. Even that's too Type A for me.

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What are bridal contracts? Even?! I seriously hope you aren't referring to expectations that the bride writes up to which the prospective bridal party must agree before accepting. That would be beyond bridezilla behavior.

View Quoted Comment I've seen them mentioned here and on Reddit. A written list can be a good reference, but very awkward in a friendship.

View Quoted Comment It definitely still wasn't cheap for me, but it's definitely not so bad reading about what others have spent IMO. Most of that cost was for the dress ($160 + $80-100 in alterations) so I really wasn't thrilled spending that much on a dress I'll never wear again and it would have been nice to know the price beforehand... but oh well. I wasn't expecting them to them to help with any of the costs, but I was very grateful that they did. They knew I didn't make a ton and already considered me part of the family (I'd been dating the brides younger brother for about 2 years at that point) so they just wanted to help me out.


Me and my fiancé have decided to just not have a wedding party ourselves. We just want everyone to enjoy themselves as a guest and not worry about spending any extra money on our day. I just feel like that's going to make it a lot less stressful for everybody

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Anything other than perhaps general information regarding accommodations, dress shop contact info, timelines for the wedding day, or events being hosted by the couple or their families themselves any kind of list of expectations for the bridal party is completely inappropriate. Pre-wedding events are all voluntary and offering to host or plan one is something that people should do out of generosity, and within their means, not obligation. If I had ever been handed a written list of expectations, I would have stepped right down and out.

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Agreed, I can't imagine that handing over a list of what you think people owe you would be a good look at all.

Social media is largely to blame for the extravagance of inflated expectations. People say that everything on the list from A-Z is the bare minimum requirement and say that anything less is unrealistic and not valid. For generations until Instagram and Pinterest took over society, the bare minimum was for a bridesmaid to purchase a dress the bride chose and pay their own way to show up to the rehearsal and wedding day to support the couple. That is still the bare minimum requirement.


Bachelorette parties prior to the Kardashians on Instagram were a local inexpensive one night out or in event the night before the wedding. Same for the men. They did not cost 4 figures per person for a weekend.
The same for proposal boxes. Prior to the Kardashians on Instagram, these didn’t exist. Couples would ask their closest friends no earlier than 6 months before the wedding in person or over the phone. Not in laws they have no relationship with. The thank you gift on the wedding day was something that they would use or keep, not wedding day props such as dresses or hair/makeup.
It’s a huge misconception that people are hurt by not being asked to be a bridesmaid. Many people would rather be a guest who has no responsibility except support the couple and have fun. But modern wedding industry complex has led brides to believe that a regular guest is lower than someone who is not even invited so everyone must have a role that for generations was the responsibility of the officiant or the coordinator or the ushers.
In the past, I have spent $300 max, not counting travel expenses or gifts, at the weddings I was a bridesmaid at. Since then, I would personally prefer to not be a bridesmaid for anyone except a super close best friend. Our bridesmaids didn’t pay more than $200/person and the extra was subsidized by us because we didn’t feel right asking them to pay optional expenses that Instagram says is a bare minimum requirement to participate.