Phd Student, poor, but getting married...

You think you can live on $200 a month? That sounds really low. Don't you have expenses that need paying beyond food?

Remember, it's OK that your fiance contributes more. Once you're married, you'll have joint finances. Have you discussed how you plan to handle bills in the future?

Have you made a budget yet for your wedding?

I can't help much, but I can sympathize the student/wedding planning struggle! I'm a master's student and due to my internship I'm unable tow work full time. If you choose to pick up odd jobs or something flexible, try and do something mindless. Someone gave me that advice before I started my program and it has been a huge blessing. I worked in retail for the first year of my program and after that I started working as an administrative assistant which has been wonderful because I have a lot of downtime and am able to get small assignments and readings done at work.

If you are concerned about being able to afford the wedding you want due to lack of funds, I would consider moving in with your parents or FH. FH and I both come from very conservative backgrounds and neither sides of our family had an issue with us moving in together. It has allowed us to save a good deal of money each month and has strengthen our relationship as we have gotten to know each other in a different way.

My fiance and I are dealing with this and were getting married October 2019. We worked it out with the venue to pay a hundred dollars a month instead of paying them a lot in 3 payments. We also found a photography, videographer, and dj through one company that will let us do the same it's more manageable for us that way and easier to budget for. As for decorations were keeping it minimal and doing alot of it ourselves between me my family and his.

Seems that a frank conversation with your fiance about your relative financial situation, and what the budget for your wedding will be. While it's great to cut back on your expenses and save what you can for your wedding, it's not great to truly go without proper food, health care, etc... I hope your fiance will want to help out with proportionately more money, relative to his income.

I’d talk to your fiancé about how you feel. I make a lot more than my fiancé so ultimately I’ve payed more into the wedding at the moment but he contributes what he can as well and that works for us. We already have a joint bank account so we’ve already had extensive conversations about our money, goals, etc.

Also, just because you plan to break even, doesn’t mean you will. Never expect gifts/money from anyone and don’t have a wedding with a lot of people just for that reason. To me it sounds like you should cut your list perhaps to make everything more affordable. People=more money.

You definitely don’t want to over stress yourself working for a wedding and also school, though, I worked two jobs all throughout college and never understood people who didn’t. But that’s also because of my upbringing.

I think you should sit down with your FH and talk about what you can realistically afford together. Have a rough budget drafted up and then look into venues. Draft your guest list and start to get prices for things, then you’ll see what you can afford. At the end of the day a wedding is just a party and if you want to get married in Sept 2019 with a limited budget you may have to make some compromises.

Make a list of things that you really want to be a part of the wedding. Make another list of stuff you don't care about as much. Make a list of people who you really, really want to be present. Make a list of people who you already know will expect an invite, but you may not have enough space for. Write down everything that you want the ceremony and reception to evoke. Make a plan of standards y'all want ( kids or no kids, alcohol or no alcohol, BP or just y'all standing up.) Make these decisions early, and everything else will be so much simpler. Then you can make a financial plan and be able to explain what you want to your vendors. Good luck.

I am also in a PhD program (also with an expected graduation date of Spring 2021!), and I very fully understand your struggles. Until my parents unexpectedly downsized their house and were able to contribute a few thousand dollars, I was expecting to foot my entire $20k budget myself off of grad student living stipends. I thankfully was able to anticipate getting engaged, and started saving over a year before the engagement officially occurred. Even so, I had to live off of about $6000 per year for two years to save enough. I lived in a rented room in someone’s house and didn’t have a car or related expenses. I didn’t eat out or go for drinks with my fellow students.
It seems as though you are in a different situation regarding what expenses you cannot do without. Really, you should more thoroughly talk over financial contributions with your fiancé. I very much respect that you want to pull your weight with the expenses, but your fiancé might not think it is a big deal at the moment. And... come 2021, you’ll probably get some high-flying job and will be able to contribute more to everyday expenses. Perhaps you could even treat your partner to a fancy vacation once you’re rolling in the big bucks.
If you are set on paying half... I know it sounds awful, but it sounds as though moving back in with your parents is the easiest way for you to save a large amount of money. It could be painful- I know just visiting mine for a few weeks in the summer can be very aggravating- but it’s your best shot.
Some other little money-management tips that I find work well:
1. Meal planning helps prevent impulse buys at the supermarket. Either preparing enough food to use up ingredients and freezing the extra meals or freezing the ingredients themselves will also help prevent waste.
2. There are a lot of very useful budgeting apps available. Both my fiancé and I use Mint. It’s very easy to use.
3. I sometimes find that using cash rather than credit/debit cards helps reduce monthly spending. Due to the fact that the cash is tangible, it is slightly easier to justify NOT spending it. I also incentivize my own cash usage by putting any change into a vacation fund (or feed back into the wedding).

I wish you the best of luck with both your wedding and your Ph.D!

Another student here so I get it! Honestly, I literally just spend the bare minimum. I quit smoking, buy 2 coffees a week ($4 total), and virtually stopped eating out. It's a sacrifice but I know it's going to be worth it in the end.

Just remember why you're doing it and it will become easier to save.

View Quoted Comment Allllll of this. This is a great time to start open communication with FH about finances.

I would sit down with FH and make a budget, then make your decisions from there. As PP's have said, it's OK if he is willing to put more towards the wedding. There are almost no couples that make exactly the same amount and it will be a good way to see how you navigate that. Once you set a budget, then decide what to do for living arrangements. If that is the only way you can afford what you need, then I think you should live at home. It will be temporary and I would rather try to deal with that if you have a good relationship with your family if getting a part-time job is going to take away from your studies.