Planning a wedding while depressed

@Grace you are not alone and neither are you @DeannaT I got married on October 7th so I am on the other side of it now. I have struggled with mild depression directly connected to self worth for all of my life I say mild because I have been able to live a good life but I have good days and terrible days. My Dad passed away very quickly from stage 4 pancreatic cancer in July him and I were very close and I was to say it plainly his baby girl and we were both obviously looking forward to my wedding day. Loosing him was sincerely one of the most difficult times I have ever gone through and triggered a deep depression for me making wedding planing seemingly impossible. I was at the point I couldn't really take any time off either but I did. I had to take time to grieve I had to take time for myself I had to allow myself to shut down. Then I had to force myself to pick it back up again, I made list after list I checked things off I went through it robotic for a little while and with the support of my husband we got through it his excitement rubbed off a little bit and the accomplishment of all the things getting checked off helped me to get back on the "happy" train. I threw a lot of the little stuff out the window and focused on the big important stuff. There were break downs and deep pits some days along the way but it was honestly one of the most beautiful emotional days I have ever experienced, I was worried about my own negativity ruling the day but none of it was there the day of. I would say talk to your love, remember why you are doing it, be honest about how you are feeling, give yourself time to deal with your own emotions and thoughts and I suggest lists for me it helped lists don't have emotion they just are. Hope you have a beautiful happy day whatever you decide!!!!

I also had my brother and together we helped each other.

I understand where you are coming from. This is all so new and it can be stressful! Have you thought about maybe meeting in the middle and having a smaller more intimate wedding? That way it can be less stress and pressure on you. Remember that this is you and your FH's day and you can make it however you two want. As far as the brain chemistry goes I completely understand. I suffer from anxiety and depression and it feels like my mind switches. One moment I am normal and the next I am shaking for no reason whatsoever and it can cause me to think about the planning and I stress out even more. Taking my mind off of that and knowing that it's not me, but my brain helps me fight it. Stay strong!!

I feel this way now! Pre wedding depression is killing wedding planning - how did you feel on the other end? I see lots of similar forums but never an “after”. Lol.

I also have a mood disorder (and a personality disorder so... mood swings) so when it hits hard I just... Can't care or bother like you said. So when I do have a high (or at least stable) moment, I try to get as much done as possible.
I've also downloaded self-help apps and started seeing a therapist again because I fully believe that this is one of the worst times to experience a crash.
This past week got me really bad when redoing the budget (we both work for the state and they've changed some rules) where I couldn't get out of bed but because I've been working ahead I didn't fall behind in any plans but remember to never push yourself

View Quoted Comment That’s what I want to know too. I’m a month away and want to cancel everything right now. I hope it’s better after.

I have bipolar disorder and wanted to elope when my fiancé proposed. He is dead set on a traditional wedding in his hometown which is two states away. I have no family and his isn't too accepting of me because I was previously married and have two amazing daughters from that marriage. So I'm now stuck planning a wedding I don't really want, with a family that doesn't really want me, and have no idea of a budget or anything because I have to tiptoe around everything to not upset the future in laws. So my bipolar is having a field day because I'm incredibly anxious about absolutely everything to do with the wedding and it is making me depressed because I feel like I'll never be good enough for his family. So all that to say, I'm right there with you. I don't want to do anything about the wedding but I know that if I don't, it'll definitely fail versus if I try planning it,it'll only probably fail.

I'm having a hard time continuing to plan my may wedding since my grandma and one of our groomsmen passed 2 months ago. I don't even want to do it anymore.

Do you have a therapist or someone that you can talk to?

Depression runs in my family. I'm usually able to regulate my own mental health pretty well with exercise, time spent outdoors in nature, and other healthy forms of self medication. However I've had a couple times in adulthood where I've felt myself "fall into a funk" that I can't get out of, and the usual dopamine/endorphin producing tricks aren't effective enough to provide prolonged relief from feelings of hopelessness, grief, and feeling trapped.

I had a wonderful time planning my wedding, but really struggled when the pandemic derailed our plans. I did therapy, and once my husband and I actually got married I felt a bit better, but there is a lot of bitterness that still remains from our elopement, and now I'm anxious about how the pandemic is interfering with our plans to have a wedding celebration in the future and start a family together. The incidences of mental health issues and people suffering from depression, anxiety, and other disorders has skyrocketed with the pandemic. Major life changes like a wedding/marriage, having a baby, changing jobs/careers, moving, etc are all stressful enough without a pandemic making those things even tougher. With Covid, there are added things to be worried about and your support system feels farther away and less accessible, so feelings of isolation, loneliness, anxiety, and hopelessness are becoming more common. Right now, we're wanting to try to conceive but I'm still struggling with a lot and my husband is hesitant because he is worried about how the stress will impact my health and pregnancy. I agree that my mindset could be better, but I feel like we are running out of time (I'm 35) and that stresses me even more. For us, the pandemic could not have happened at a worse time.

You are certainly not alone in feeling depressed during this time, and certainly not the only bride who has had to deal with planning a wedding while being depressed. I wonder if your FH has the tools he needs to best support you or if perhaps it would help for him to take a bigger load of the planning or receive some education to better understand what you are going through. It may be best to just take a break from wedding planning or ask your FH to take on a bigger burden from it. If there is no pressure to marry soon and you tend to have periods where your mood is more stable, I would just put everything on hold until you feel better. I would also utilize your therapist for tools and strategies for managing how you feel.

I am sorry you are feeling this way. You are definitely not alone. Virtual hugs!

View Quoted Comment Me too. And this is way harder than I thought it would be.