Planning own bridal shower

A lot of brides dont. I’ve seen some brides on here who do though.

I feel like it really depends on your circle of friends. Etiquette says that brides aren’t supposed to plan their own showers but if your friends aren’t the type that are strict about rules, I think it’s ok. My circle definitely wouldn’t be ok with it but everyone’s friends and family are different.

Brides are not supposed to host their own showers, as this is incredibly rude and against all etiquette. You definitely should not be booking anything yourself. This is completely unfair to the person hosting, as you don't know what her budget is. You provide the guest list and some dates that work for you, and the hosts take care of the rest. Did your MOH offer to host a shower for you? If so, maybe she can co-host with somebody else, to make things easier. I would also take a step back: your wedding is in June 2021! To give you some perspective, my wedding was in June 2019, and the people hosting my shower didn't even start planning it until the end of January 2019.

View Quoted Comment The host is my maid of honor/cousin she even told me that she doesn’t live in the state I’m in. So it’s hard for her to find a place. By the looks of things it doesn’t seem as if she’s willing to spend or even pay for anything because she’s having excuses after excuses. When ever I bring things up pertaining to the wedding she changes the subject and talks about herself or her personal life.

View Quoted Comment So that’s why I feel like it’s best for me to plan my own stuff. Since the host/maid of honor isn’t really engaged into talking about it.

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I totally get that, my MOH lived on the complete opposite side of the country from me! Hosting a shower does cost money, whether it's at somebody's house or a venue. My MOH (my sister) co-hosted with close family friends, which made things easier budget wise. If your MOH doesn't have the budget to host a shower for you (which it seems like from what you're saying), then I would leave the matter at that. You can't just go booking a venue and then expect your MOH to pay for it. Sometimes the MOH offers to host a shower, sometimes they don't. There is no rule that the MOH must host a shower. Maybe you have a different relative/group of friends who will host one for you. You should not be hosting one for yourself.

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If that's the case, and you want to plan your own event (and pay for it yourself), then you can have a bridal luncheon closer to your wedding date. Gifts are not given at bridal luncheons, but you can still have a nice lunch and good time with your guests.

Finally, to put it bluntly (and I'm sorry if this comes off as harsh), but you can't ask someone to throw you a shower if they're not willing to pay for it. Showers are thrown graciously by people who offer. You also shouldn't be throwing a shower for yourself. Your best bet would be to see if another friend or family member is willing to host the shower, or just have a bridal luncheon without gifts. I'm sorry that your MOH doesn't seem engaged and interested. Best of luck

First of all, it is not the responsibility of the MOH ro plan a shower. Any close female friend or family member can volunteer to give a shower, one hostess or a small group. Your aunt, grandmother, FMIL, BM, friends who are not BM. For some it works best that those in the bridal party who have travel and dress expenses not do the cost of a shower too. And since most people do not travel a long ways for a shower, that often means MOH or BM not even at the shower. My whole bridal party was far from me and most of the areas where my friends and family are. So I had 3 small showers, done by 2-4 hostesses each near hometown friends, family; one near school and work friends, and some cousins; and one by FMIL who invited my MOH and BM as guests in . A 4 hour drive between each of the 3 groups. ... So do not plan around your wedding party. And 1 aunt, one home friend ( not BM), and one BM can work with 1 FSIL together. A shower is a party to ask for gifts in addition to a wedding gift, and giving a shower is rude for a bride, or new mother, to do for herself. And giving a shower is a gift from the hostesses. If 3 hostesses decide they can afford to have home baked brownies and an ice cream sundae bar, in their big yard, at a cost of $7 per guest for 15 people, a total of $140 including hostesses and homeowner , and a bride says, well I want a luncheon shower, with small sandwiches, desserts, and alcoholic drinks, for 35 guests, that pushes the cost up to $30-50 per person including tip, or more. You are now talking $1000-$1500, and I have seen such bills go to $3000 . If a group of 3 BM, or friends, have offered to pay $50 each, and a bride says, well this is what I want, you will have to pay $500 each as a gift to me, plus presents, that is super rude. Which is why those who volunteer to host a shower , or one of 2-3 each with different guests, the hostesses choose how many guests, cost per guest they can afford, then the type and location of the shower. If bride's 3 aunts and FMIL give a shower for older family on both sides, and people from church and choir, and spend $1800 for 18 guests. And bride's sister and cousin and school roommate have a shower for bride's 20 friends and spend $150, that is fine. Each group according to their budget. But a bride either hosting a party to get gifts for herself, or deciding on a venue and costs more than hostesses want to spend, is seen as rude. ... If no one offers to give you a shower, and itis close to the wedding, a bride may not plan a shower, to get gifts. But if she wants to have a social party, no gifts allowed, she. But if people hear you are planning one, they often will not plan a shower, even if they were planning for it before. So you might want to wait. Usually, someone planning a shower at 1-2 months out, will start planning no later than 4-5 months out. Small parties don't take long to put together. So, wait for people to offer.

Don't plan your own shower.

It's WAY too soon, first of all (we got married in August, and our shower was in June), and secondly, it's rude and seen as greedy.

Your MOH is probably not interested in talking about it, because your shower probably won't be until April! Let her be, cancel that booking, and trust that others will step up for you.

View Quoted Comment Planning on doing it in late February. But I will take your word for it.

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That's still WAY TOO early for your shower.

I get that you want to plan things, and have things settled, but you are really rushing the process and setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment.

Please, take a breath.

You've got a LOT of time, and there's no need to rush.

It's extremely rude to host any gift giving event for yourself. Your wedding is nine months away, someone else could have offered for all you know, but you didn't give them a chance.

It’s “tradition and etiquette” that you don’t but if you want to then so be it. It’s 2020 you don’t have to follow rules, it’s your wedding do things how you want 🤷🏾‍♀️

Thank you everyone for your suggestion. I’m going to hold it off and not plan my own shower

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I am with Yasmine on this one. Everyone on here is so against you hosting/helping host your own shower, but I say go for it. I know in my case there are people that are expecting a shower to happen, but no one is going to throw one because they aren't sure how it would work since we are both women so my fiancé and I are going to co-host it with her mom and have it be the event that we want it to be. I say go for it! If you can afford it and it helps take the stress and pressure off others who couldn't afford it, but want to do it then do it.

I always believed that the bridal shower and bachelorette were the bridal parties responsibility. So when I spoke to my MOH I thought she would talk to the other girls and plan it. Turns out my mom is doing most of the work for the bridal shower. My mom is buying just about everything on top of cooking the food. My MOH said she just didn't want to spend a lot of money. My mom wanted to make sure that the party would still happen with or without my MOH. I feel like every situation is different. So don't feel bad. At the end of the day, I'm just glad its coming together.

Hosting your own shower is a huge etiquette breach. Someone will host a shower for you in some capacity. If they don't, then you don't have one.
A bride can host a luncheon to thank her bridesmaids and is the only pre-wedding party she can plan herself, but she does not receive gifts.

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I agree with this here. As you see from the different comments, different people will have different perspectives. However, I agree with Hanna above. If you really want an experience first see if someone else may host it...have you spoken to your mom?

Going against etiquette, I am having a 3 person minimony but I still wanted pre wedding events. My MOH said she would host a bridal shower for me but I said let's make it a bridal brunch (or luncheon) where I have some good friends coming and no gifts were requested. If they give me one that is their decision but I have no registry or anything. I am helping my MOH plan it and pay for it. In fact I am going to her house tonight to do some prep work. My friends coming are excited and they are just looking forward to a good time with some food and drinks and I even bought some wedding favors to go. That was my way around it. Some people may still see that as tacky but oh well.

I agree with the majority that throwing your own party for gifts is not polite (and no matter what anyone says, the main point of a shower is for guests to shower the guest of honor with gifts; if gifts aren't desired, have a different kind of party).

But that said, you do seem to have very specific standards that your MOH couldn't possibly meet (let alone pay for). So you are better off paying for and planning the whole thing yourself. Just be sure to graciously let your MOH know she is off the hook.