Please help! Aita? Brother Being Nasty About Plus One

If I understand the situation correctly, you were hoping that your brother and his girlfriend would sleep on the couch so your other guests could have rooms? I understand he’s your little brother, but he is still an adult… He’s 21 and it would be a bit awkward for him and I believe it may even be a bit awkward for your guests as well if they woke up to go to the bathroom or something and saw your 21-year-old brother and his girlfriend sleeping on the couch together. Am I understanding this right

So you’re excluding the significant others of most of your wedding guests and providing lodging for married couples and older people, but those that are simply dating don’t deserve a place to sleep? I just want to make sure I’m understanding correctly. Your brother can obviously find his own place to stay, but I do think that you’ve made it clear that he’s a lower priority to you because he’s not married.

View Quoted Comment I completely agree with Caytlyn. Not only is he family, but he is also a member of your wedding party. He deserves to bring a significant other and they deserve to have a private room just like everybody else. If I were in your situation, I would offer to book him a hotel room nearby (if there is no room for him at the B&B)

I can understand why he is upset, you're pretty much telling him that he isn't important enough to even get a bed to sleep in. Why doesn't he deserve a bed as well? Are you paying him for his role in the wedding? An officiant is a professional paid position. Or is he providing free labor for your wedding and expected to be ok with also being treated as a second class citizen when it comes to the sleeping accommodations?

Team brother.

To answer your question bluntly, yes YATA. To assume that any adult would be okay with being a couch surfer for your wedding is incredibly rude, let alone your brother, who is also in the wedding party.

Maybe his reaction was immature and crude but I also understand where he is coming from. It sounds more like a breakdown in communication rather than one or the other of you being at fault here. Yes, he is only dating her and they are probably one of the youngest couples there but, at the same time, he is an adult just like other couples and is doing you a favor by being the officiant. There are a lot of heated WW discussions about separating treatment of married/not married couples and I tend to say if you have a rule, apply it to everyone equally.



If the real reason they are on the couch is because of their young age and physical good health (it won't break their back like it might for grandma who is 80) then tell them that upfront and don't make it about the status of their relationship. It really isn't that unusuall or extreme of a request and my FH and I have slept on the floor or couches at more than one family gathering. If you don't want a stranger with all of your immediate family, that is also reasonable and try to stress this as much as possible when talking with your brother.

It took me a few reads to understand this, but I agree with the above replies. No guests, family or not, should be given subpar accommodations, especially the officiant!

Thank you for your feedback, I am really trying to sort this out before it is brought up again. Maybe I’m not expressing the couch surfer part well. He won’t be sharing a normal couch, but one that pulls out into a bed. Also, almost every room on the property requires people to stay in the same room, like a hotel room with two queen beds. What I am trying to figure out is how to handle the situation because we can’t really put our grandparents or parents out of a bed to accommodate someone so much younger, just because they want to have sex that weekend. Out of everyone staying on the property, he and my other brother are literally the two youngest people there. The place only sleeps 44 people and we are accommodating all parents, grandparents and our wedding party is all older than us, older than him by about 10 years.


Our guest list exceeds the property sleeping accommodations and we are providing other possible places to stay near by. As for the additional plus ones, no we are not inviting our extended members bf/gfs because we don’t know them. We do not want strangers or people we are not close to there.

I think you need to provide more context about who you are providing lodging to here but making assumptions here are my thoughts. Coming from a big family, even as an adult, I've slept on the couch at family rentals and it sucks but not a huge deal. I personally wouldn't bring it up as an issue like your brother has since in the situations I've been in and room switches would be asking my aunts/uncles, grandparents, or parents to move to the couch. In my family seniority determines sleeping arrangements (I'd also feel like an asshole complaining that I didn't get my own room if it meant my grandparents would be on the couch.. If he wants to stay alone with his girlfriend maybe you can suggest a nearby hotel?

If I assumed wrong and you're saying that you prioritized non-immediate family member/wedding party guests for lodging over your brother just because he's unmarried then YTA

View Quoted Comment Don't make the fact that you decided to book a property where everyone doesn't fit your guests' problem. If you are providing other places to stay, tell your brother he can stay there. Not really sure why this is a ln issue.

The issue has nothing to do with his marital status. He is the only exception we are making about our s/o policy because he is a priority and she is the only one we know well enough to feel comfortable inviting. It really just has to do with two things; 1. He will be the youngest adult (18+) there and 2. He made it very clear is only problem was not having privacy to have sex in a very inappropriate way, not the quality of the sleeping arrangement.

View Quoted Comment I understand where you’re coming from, and I understand that you still view him as your little brother. But regardless of everything… Don’t you think people might find it a bit weird to see your brother sleeping on the couch in his pajamas? Like think about it if you were a guest and you woke up early and saw someone’s brother sleeping on the couch in their pjs wouldn’t you feel uncomfortable? Regardless of if his girlfriend is there or not. If his girlfriend is on the couch with him that’s even more uncomfortable. But then you also have to factor in that he wouldn’t be able to sleep in and would have to wake up when other guests first wake up so that way he’s not hogging the living room area by sleeping.


Would you want to sleep on the couch out in the open with your significant other of the tables were turned?

For clarity: There are almost no private rooms on the property. Every room except for two or three will either be a shared room or a bathroom of some sort.

You cannot have a wedding without an officiant. He gets top billing in my opinion and providing a room for him and gf is the least that can be done whether it's onsite (which I think wedding party should be) or off site.

View Quoted Comment If it means not putting my grandparents/parents or someone 10 years my senior there then yes I would take the couch without hesitation.

Couldn’t he just stay somewhere other than on the property?

View Quoted Comment Sounds like you picked a place that can't properly accommodate all your guests, and are now deciding your brother is the one who should get screwed to solve the problem you created. Every room is a shared space? So older guests will also be doubled up? That sounds inappropriate and uncomfortable for them, too.

I'm confused. Why would you book a property without enough private rooms for your guests, especially your VIPs? I'm with your brother on this one

View Quoted Comment I hear you. And keep in mind you’re also not required to provide accommodations for your brother but he may be a little upset because you’re providing it to others. But I can see your point. It’s probably for the best that your brother finds his own a accommodations at that point if there are no other rooms left. That way he can have all of the wild *whatever* that he wants