Please tell I’m not the only to be that cannot stand the petty mil

Sorry that that happened to you Emma. It’s over and done with. Let it go.

She's petty. What a nightmare!

Wow. That's s hard one to swallow. But like Kenishs said I would love on..

I would agree that it sounds like she is pushy, but you don't come off sounding great in this scenario either.

It's not her job to do flowers with you. If you want to take that responsibility on, fine, but it's not her's.

It's not fair to judge the gift she sent for the shower. That's just beyond ick to me.

It's your daughter and her H's responsibility to calls guests who didn't RSVP, not you or the MIL.

It's very possible that her actions are because she thought you were overstepping... js.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. I am not a DIY person so no matter how much notice I had, I wouldn’t be participating in that. H and I contacted all our non-RSVPers ourselves and the same was true when I married exH. Her gift wasn’t up to par for you? That isn’t your place to judge.

She sounds painful but now that the wedding is over, you can move on. I know my Mom and my MIL don't really have a relationship (we don't combine holidays, go out to dinner together, etc) so hopefully your contact with her has come to an end.

Let this go for your daughter’s sake. I know WW is a nice place to vent sometimes, but all this bad mouthing the in laws on line is in poor form. You don’t need to be best friends (but you should try to shield your daughter from at least a hint of your dislike, as this is long term for her and could get awkward. She doesn’t need her two moms pitted against eachother) From a history of posts, it seems there is pettiness and miscommunication on both sides. Good for you for helping plan your daughter’s wedding, but the MIL didn’t agree to the same and a lot of the stuff you’re talking about is on the couple getting married— NOT her. It’s their responsibility to track down RSVPs. It’s no one’s responsibility but the people taking care of the flowers to “do the flowers” and if you told me unsolicited the date I was supposed to come help with flowers, I too would be off put, and if it WAS supposed to be a “fun get together” and we clearly weren’t getting along, I’d bow out as well, even if we had previously agreed, since it definitely wouldn’t be fun! (Seriously, look at the flip side: if tensions were high, if she DID come, it probably would’ve ruined the experience for y’all).
Just be grateful you’re done planning a wedding together and find a way to move past it.

View Quoted Comment

Oh my goodness, I just went back to the past threads as well.

OP, please for the sake of your daughter and her husband, let this go.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this as well as the last comment that OP needs to let this go.

Lots of this post may be more a matter of differing expectations. Older posts, made me think, she would rile me too! But the hosts, the couple with your help, are responsible for doing things not anyone who has not volunteered. Lots of advice books or threads here will say, it is wise to deal with people who do not respond to calls or messages, or answer RSVPs, within the family. But with all these things, that means you should have firmly told your daughter and FI, this is FI's family, and he personally needs to follow up. Not you. So going to MIL you may have been intending to go to the family involved, the right thing, but chose the wrong person, MIL, instead if going through FI. MIL may consider you quite ill mannered in suggesting she do anything, or asking her to track down RSVP's. Because clearly not her job to do things, nor your place to ask. Only her son . Party planners may suggest to couple, and if authorized, deal with vendors. But neither party planners nor MOB should suggest that MOG do anything. If you asked son, and he did not do it , it is on him. As for her other son's girlfriend, if she is a steady girlfriend, MOG should have let FI her son know, and she should have left it up to the couple to issue an invitation to the girl, by name. If she was an invited guest, and you had groom's family in the processional, she belonged with her boyfriend, as a married woman in-law would be with her family member husband. Only bridesmaids and MOH & BM & GM are separated from their SO in the processional. So again, if the son knew, he should have talked to the Groom, and groom should have told everyone, we will send an invitation, ir she cannot come. It is all water under the bridge now. But you now know, for anything in your new SIL family, go through him. And he needs to step up and take care if things, not leave them to his wife, or you, or do nothing and figure someone else will. The reasons for rules of social etiquette are to avoid the friction that comes with people not having common expectations of how things should be handled. And this does not sound like much of tis, beyond lack of courtesy after being asked to do things she should not have been asked to do, by someone who should have known it was not her place. So let it go, we all sometimes learn the hard way. In so many ways, the bride and groom had a lot to thank you for, with the time and effort you invested in planning things.