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Dedicated July 2019

Plus Or Minus One?

Lauren, on March 4, 2019 at 12:19 AM Posted in Wedding Reception 0 11

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A close relative of mine has a new significant other and a new baby after a divorce. My relative wanted to know about a “plus one,” but I do not know the SO. I only met this person very briefly at a family funeral, and we have never had a conversation. I know nearly everyone on my guest list. How do you decide who should get an extra ticket? I want to be fair, but I don’t want to feed a stranger or have too many kids at my wedding. Why should I do?

Side Notes: the relative has two other children, and the relative did invite my then boyfriend/now spouse to his wedding (even though they had spoken several times before then; my family knew my bf), and I live a state away.

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Latest activity by Lauren, on March 4, 2019 at 9:27 AM

VIP May 2015
KiwiDerbyBride · on March 4, 2019 at 12:36 AM
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If they’re a couple, they’re a social unit and the SO is not a plus one. You don’t split up a social unit, you invite them as a couple. The kids, well, that’s up to you - you don’t have to invite them if you’re having a no kids wedding. It might be that if you don’t invite kids, the SO won’t come anyway, which might be the answer you’re looking for.
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Super May 2019
Kiki · on March 4, 2019 at 1:47 AM
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Exactly what PP said! They're not a "plus one" they are a unit and need to be invited together.
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Dedicated July 2019
Lauren · on March 4, 2019 at 8:57 AM
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I think I get what you mean. So, a plus one is not literally the guest plus (fill in the blank). They are just a unit, but they take up two seats?

So, not knowing this person doesn’t affect whether or not you’d invite them?
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Master June 2019
Danielle · on March 4, 2019 at 8:59 AM
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I agree with PP. If I were to be invited to a wedding, and my spouse (boyfriend, fiance, husband, etc.) did not get invited, then I would decline the invite. Also, you can't control the amount of kids that come if you leave it open for kids to be invited. I would just put on the RSVP: # of adults ___ and # of children ___ attending.
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Master June 2019
Danielle · on March 4, 2019 at 9:02 AM
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IMO, even though I am paying for these guests, I would rather all of my guests have someone with them (spouse or plus one)...whether I knew them or not. In my experience, not many people like to go to weddings alone.
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Dedicated July 2019
Lauren · on March 4, 2019 at 9:03 AM
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So, if you have a guest list of 200 people, you know every person there, you would invite the girlfriend/boyfriend even if you never had a single conversation with the person? You couldn’t even pick them out of a line up? The relative hasn’t even made an effort to have you get to know this person that’s so special. You still wouldn’t push them to link up with you?
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Master June 2019
Danielle · on March 4, 2019 at 9:08 AM
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Yes. My guest list is 250 people. I gave every single person a plus one, and I included all spouses (whether I've met them yet or not). My reasons:
1) For the comfort of the guest, I would like them to have the option to bring a guest so they aren't going to a wedding alone.
2) Even though I haven't met their spouse yet, I hope to get to meet them at my wedding.
3) They are a social unit, and I wouldn't attend a wedding if my spouse wasn't invited.
4) I have a large guest list. There is no way I will be able to "entertain" / talk to every guest all night. So I feel more comfortable knowing they have someone there with them.
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Dedicated July 2019
Lauren · on March 4, 2019 at 9:09 AM
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Thank you for your responses. A person on another post summed it up as etiquette. I didn’t understand the difference between “plus one” (for single people) versus a unit. I just used the term across the board.
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Super June 2019
Tiffany · on March 4, 2019 at 9:15 AM
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If you invite a person and they have an SO you invite the couple. They are a package deal.
A plus one is saving a seat for an invitee to bring someone with them. Some people bring a friend etc as a plus one so they aren’t alone.
Trust me, I wish we could have gotten away with not inviting SO’s we didn’t know and plus ones but etiquette is a b$&@! Lol.
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Dedicated July 2019
Lauren · on March 4, 2019 at 9:17 AM
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Got it. My maximum is actually 150. The venue said I can’t have more than that number. So, I can’t just toss out plus ones or extra seats for everyone. This wedding is made up of mainly family, but I understand what you mean.
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Dedicated July 2019
Lauren · on March 4, 2019 at 9:27 AM
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Etiquette is super annoying. Lol. We are paying for everything down to the table cloths! There’s nothing traditional about this wedding, so maybe the rules can be bent a bit. I’ll probably just invite the SO, but I don’t have enough room to just let everyone have their way. If they decline, so be it at this point. Lol.
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Plus Or Minus One?

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