Polite way to say your baby is not welcome

One of my cousins bridesmaids had a new born. Her husband and her took turns staying upstairs in the hotel room while the other was at the reception. Since she was a family friend her mother was invited too so she took turns and stayed with the newborn as well.

My point being my cousin never told them their new born was not invited and as an adult they still came up with a plan to make it work. Just saying most adults can figure it out but you cannot do this without being rude. Their child is more important than your wedding.

@OP-- Are you afraid that having children at your wedding will lead your FH to not want to have kids...? Because if so, you should probably address that with him BEFORE getting married...

I am due in April and have 2 weddings to go to this summer, one of which I'm in. Luckily for me, both weddings are local and my MIL has agreed to babysit. If they were out of town, I would either have to decline or bring the baby. I plan to breastfeed and on top of that would not be comfortable being away from my newborn for a long weekend. I also wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my newborn with a random babysitter that you find. Unfortunately with new moms, this is just how it goes. There is no way of going about this without being rude and I think maybe you should be a little more understanding.

Also, if I love someone, I love their child too. My future cousin in law just announced her pregnancy; she'll have an infant at our wedding. I'm elated for her and would never want her to leave the child at home. They're a family, a unit. Don't separate them.

And most parents are smart enough to leave a formal ceremony if their child is screaming. If it bothers you that much.

YOU DONT LEAVE YOUR INFANT WITH A STRANGER EVER! HELL I WOULDN'T LEAVE MY INFANT WITH MANY PEOPLE I KNOW! You will justify your way of thinking no matter what anyone says so why did you post this? Plain and simple I think your request is rude. There is no polite way to request this.

Your FH running out and getting a vasectomy is really drastic. Like super drastic.

Outside of the wedding,

If you want children, I encourage you both to be around children at some point before marriage to see if that's something he can handle. All babies cry at some point.

Not wanting kids would be a deal breaker for me. I want children.

FH and I only get one day, and from the beginning this is how we wanted our day to be, a child-free wedding. One of my best friend's family runs a reputable and long-standing child care center for over 30 years. I am inviting her family to my wedding as they always saw me as another daughter. Her mom is going to help try to find someone because she sure would never recommend someone who was not trustworthy, especially with babies, as her reputation for being an outstanding child care business would be tarnished. Hoping someone could even sit at the hotel which is located 10 minutes from the venue. EDIT: I was using humor regarding the vasectomy comment. He is more adamant than me about not wanting kids and babies there.

Yeah, I think a newborn has to be the exception to the rule. I would not be attending if I received that message from you and I agree with previous posters - it would negatively impact our relationship. In a huge way. I also think that all of your other guests with older children will understand you making an exception for a breastfeeding mother or a set of parents with a newborn. You refusing to allow a 5 month old baby attend clearly shows where your priorities are.

It would be the end of any relationship I had with you. You are not being understanding or helpful. Not a mom yet, but I don't know many moms who would be comfortable leaving their 5 month old infant with someone you picked out. I would decline and invite to your wedding.

And I am going to end my comment here because I have nothing else nice to say.

OGA- maybe as the time gets closer place a little note in their invites asking how you can best accommodate their new addition? Or call them?

Most of the moms I work with go back to work within 3 months. Just tell them, if they cannot make it you understand.

Again, I don't care how trustworthy you find this person but I will not leave my newborn with someone I've never met before just because you don't want babies at your wedding.

Clearly you don't understand what it's like to be a new mom and that's fine, but you are putting your guests at a great inconvenience by being so firm on babies. Most babies will probably sleep the whole time. If they get upset, the parents will take them out of the room and be respectful. This is not the same as having toddlers running around your reception.

I prefer the term adult affair. It doesn't matter how much you like kids, child free sounds like you're talking about a disease. I also agree that our relationship would be over if you sent me that message. It's rude and you're singling her out. Might as well just tell her you don't want her to come.

OGA--I'd call those few families and let them know they are welcomed to bring their babies.

Honestly, your message didn't sound super nice and you may end up damaging relationships. I wouldn't say anything to your guests. If they bring a baby, so what? You'll have much bigger things going on. Parents aren't going to sit through your ceremony with a screaming child. If the baby gets upset, they'll step out and everything will be fine. No new parents are going to leave their babies with a sitter you find. You may trust them, but these parents don't know them.

Karen makes a good point though. Here in the United States, women generally have to return to work after 3 months anyways. Women already are spending over eight hours away from their baby.

You would agree with the ONE person who didn't tell you that what you wanted was rude.

Edit: work is a far different situation than a party. They will be spending money to attend your wedding. You're doubly putting them out. At least with work they are earning income to provide, and work has to provide reasonable accommodations.

Your OP makes it sound like you think your friends are unreasonable for believing infants are an exception to child-free events.

They're not unreasonable. That is a well-understood rule, as the comments here show. Infants ARE an exception to that rule, this is widely accepted. If you want to alienate them, fine. But don't act like they're the ones with the unreasonable demands.

OP, just popping in to say that your whole outlook on babies, your friendships and "your day" disgusts me. Good luck, because no, there is no polite way to do what you are considering.

Karen, yes but when they go back to work they are leaving their baby with someone they know and trust. Not a stranger in order to accommodate a non-accommodating bride.