Politics are hurting my marriage

I'm so sorry you're going through this. (And as others have said, kudos to you for your line of work.)

Politics came up with DH and I right away; it's hard for me to imagine it not being a natural topic of conversation, or for it to be apparent how someone feels by how they address certain topics.

Though we have different views, we have never fought over politics. I think there are a lot of reasons for this, but the main one is that we respect each other's viewpoints, and always see where the other person is coming from. I suppose the second reason is that we're pretty aligned morally and see the world similarly. Neither of us support Trump, and I would honestly have a hard time if DH did. I'd have to have a huge heart-to-heart with him like Chrysta did in that case.

I am also not afraid to challenge DH on a topic because I know we have the kind of relationship where I can push him on issues that are important to me.

Different views about tax policy or trade deals is one thing. If you're in a relationship where both people have the luxury of being apathetic about politics, okay. But for most people, it comes down to your core belief system, values, and respect.

I hope that with some counseling and a reset, you can work through this if it's what you want to do. Though it's rare and people don't talk about it much, they DO change their minds, and can be open to new perspectives. I'm not saying he needs to vote for who you do, but I hope there's a way you can both find common ground.

View Quoted Comment Thank you and I hope we can find common ground too. Politics never came up because personally I dont really talk about it because it can be tedious. I'm open to talking about it calmly and challenging each other, when he can learn how to respect me as we discuss it

Why are you both getting so worked up? Agree to disagree; no one agrees 100% on religion/politics. Or better yet, use this disagreement as an opportunity to gain perspective. I disagree with my boyfriend and family on many issues, but discussions are great opportunities to learn, teach, and challenge your own ideals.

View Quoted Comment Both of us are passionate people and we can say hurtful things. We're human.

View Quoted Comment I think it’s a red flag that he can’t agree to disagree or to stop if it’s a lot for you. I voted for Biden and I can say, the last thing on his mind right now I think is guns, he has a lot to fix starting with Covid and the climate. I have a best friend who’s very pro trump, but when it comes to us we can joke, and tease each other but nothing harsh because it doesn’t matter at the end of the day who the President is, no president is perfect and everyone will always face one change or another regardless of who wins each term. I also don’t find it okay to bash people who support trump and those who do show that they don’t understand their American rights even tho they demand so much. It doesn’t say anywhere that when you vote, you’re choice will win because someone always has to lose and when you make the choice to vote bevause it’s your right, you’re also choosing to understand that even though it’s your right to vote... you don’t have the right to do awful things or say them because you didn’t get your way. That’s demanding rights and then wanting them to be catered to you personally and that’s not how it works. I didn’t want trump, but I didn’t moan and complain and say hateful things over the last 4 years. 🤷‍♀️

View Quoted Comment I agree it's a red flag too. At the end of the day I respect who my husband voted for and I wish he did the same for me. Its ashame that politics have us so messed up. I have an individual therapy appointment tomorrow at 6p and am in the midst of trying to find a couples therapist. Unfortunately since our big blow out things between us havent been right and our whole vibe is off and that's not like us

View Quoted Comment I think this year has been extra rough and scary for most and those who believe in trump, really are scared because all the misleading information plus his drama on recounts when he probably won’t win that is filling people’s head with things like the government is corrupt and this or that and this election has just been insane and personally to behave the way someone has when leading the country is childish and scary but in a way he’s made his believers scared to even give anyone a chance or to be a good sport which just isn’t helping all the issues we have had this year alone. There’s a process to such things that the President has to go through so it doesn’t mean everything Biden wants he will get. So even choosing him... I know that there’s a chance something could go wrong or he won’t be able to do something he wants that may help our country. Trump isn’t god snd neither is Biden.

Maybe seeing a therapist together can help you guys see each other’s points snd maybe more so you’re point. Trump supporters seem to be more... how do I say this? Faithful, and they just assume a democratic leader and the worlds done for. I know my husband doesn’t like trump or Biden and thinks Kamala Harris is up to no good 🤦‍♀️ But he still sees where I’m coming from when it’s important to me that I did vote and he is supposed to be the next president, especially bevause I’m on disability and low income so certain things to me were scary and over all someone who could die from covid, I felt
Right now that something isn’t being handled right and lots of other things but at the end of day. The people you love are the ones you turn to if and when something bad was fo happen with the new president or if the old happens do somehow stay!

View Quoted Comment Itsike choosing the lesser of two evils

View Quoted Comment Def will see a therapist together we need it. And thanks for your advice

I'm just going to chime in and agree with the majority, here.

1. Wooooo, this election was really about morals and values, so, yeah, I'd have a huge problem, too.

2. Him bulldozing you and ignoring your "STOP" is a HUGE red flag, because if he's going to do this with politics and discussion, he's not going to listen on other things down the line.

3. I'm so sorry.

4. I hope counseling helps, but we're here for you, no matter what.

Personally, not agreeing on politics is even more of a deal breaker than not agreeing on sports teams, which sounds ridiculous until you remember I'm a Philadelphia fan, and we're hard core.

View Quoted Comment It is the lesser of two evils and Biden’s main focus is covid and how we can open the economy or mandate mask wearing for now and what not so things like gun control and taxes will come a little later on and I’d be surprised if much of his term is covid, economic growth again and climate issues and race issues which are exactly what we need in the coming years. There’s been no mass shootings or anything which triggers more gun control so honestly a lot of worries are just useless worries.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your support. Unfortunately things between us havent gotten better and we are argued so bad that neither of us is vibing well

View Quoted Comment I agree! Its hard to make him see all these good points everyone brings up

I have no real sage advice, other than to just tell you that you are not alone. I've read multiple stories like yours. Basic human rights aren't a matter of politics.

View Quoted Comment It is good to know I'm not alone but sucks to know others go through this too

My hubby and I don't agree on politics all the time. Well, we kinda agree that there weren't really any good candidates, but I'm okay with voting for who I think is the lesser of 2 evils where as he would only vote to "vote of no confidence". I guess we are more okay with a difference of opinion, but his dad is more vocal, and I honestly have a bigger problem going to their house to listen to him berate one politician over the other.

View Quoted Comment That is true. His parents are on the extreme side of trump and complain all the time. He reminds me of his parents. This side didnt come out until we got married. I didn't really this side before

There are a few things my husband and I do not agree on. I don't think there is any couple who agrees 100% on everything. My husband and I found these things out about each other early on in our relationship and we did have arguments, but we made the decision to not discuss certain things with each other because we know we will never see eye-to-eye on them. He has his reasons for believing things and I have mine. We respect each other's opinions even though we don't agree with them and we leave it at that. When those topics come up with friends or family, we state our opinions calmly and that's the end of it, we don't let it get to the point of an argument anymore. I'd say if every time it comes up you argue, a marriage counselor is a good idea. They might be able to give you techniques you can use to overcome these issues. I hope you are able to find something that works for you. I'm pulling for the two of you to work this out!

Unfortunately, sometimes issues like this are not so much about politics as they are about sharing the same values and beliefs. Luckily for you, the person you voted for was elected but going forward there may be other times you and your husband will butt heads on issues. I would imagine if you really were that incompatible you would have realized it in the past three years though. If that helps lol