Porn, ok or not?

What did your "talks while dating" entail? That it was off-limits? That it was ok previously but would stop now that you are engaged? Or was that just your assumption? It doesn't sound like he has lied about it or tried to cover it up.

Most guys watch at least a little here and there. As long as there's not some illegal component to it, I wouldn't care.

I have asked him before to not. I don’t bring it up because I’d rather not know. But since I’ve expressed my feelings and that it makes me uncomfortable a few times, I just assumed that he wouldn’t anymore. But it was brought up today and he said he still does. I know men do it, it’s just the fact of another woman being naked turning him on and all the rest of it that bothers me personally.

I'm part of the "Porn Kills Love" opinion, as is my FH. I don't think it's unreasonable to be upset that your future spouse is engaging sexually with something that isn't you. Now, to all those who don't see it that way, that's totally fine! I'm not going to get into other people's business. But that's my personal opinion.

OMG girl I am so glad you posted this topic. I posted something similar regarding strip clubs. My FH and I have been together for almost 8 yrs. We just got engaged this December. We have had a bit of a rocky relationship regarding intimacy and he looks to porn and on rare occasion strip clubs when I am not being intimate with him (due to stress, illness, depression, etc) He has never watched it with me in the room and on rare occasions I suggest it when I am very buzzed to spice things up (does not happen often, once in a very blue moon) Since we got engaged he seemed to increase his porn watching to a point that I have noticed it (ie recording movies from playboy onto DVR) also seems like he is not hiding it anymore. In this past month he has also hung up half naked women pictures in his garage which he did not have before (we have lived at the house for 7 yrs and the garage has been there longer, his grandparents house we got after they passed) This has caused me to have some MAJOR self esteem and Body image issues bc I do not look like those women, I will not look like those women, I do not dress or act like those women. I feel hurt and worried he is not attracted to me. I understand your feeling of "it’s just the fact of another woman being naked turning him on and all the rest of it that bothers me personally" I feel that way 1,000% I have also tried to talk to my FH about my feelings and he gets angry. Intimacy has become a sensitive topic for us due to our past. We would go months without having sex due to my issues and he was patient--"was" in past tense--is no more. Now it seems to turn into a fight. He claims he is watching porn and has those pictures up bc he is not feeling satisfied and needs to find ways to supplement for the lack of satisfaction I am not providing. That hurts and upsets me too. When we got engaged our intimacy increased but since I have noticed the increase in his porn activities it has taken a bit of a drop bc I am feeling unattractive bc I don't look like the women on the TV or the pictures he has hanging. Its a huge blow to someone's self esteem when this happens.

I truly understand how you are feeling. Guys do watch porn when they have a need to fill. They need and desire sex usually more than a woman and think about sex a hell of a lot more than a woman in most circumstances. You say you and your FH are not being intimate that often bc of respect to your parents. I think that is admirable. Seriously sex is not the only way to show someone you love them. Spending time with each other, caring about each other, communicating with each other about anything to me is a truer sign and act of love.

If you are able and comfortable, talk to your FH again and express your feelings. He should care about you to never want you to feel upset or uncomfortable with something he is doing. But also I will have to say men are going to still watch porn to an extent and you will have to find a way to be ok to an extent with that. Im not saying its ok if he is watching it everyday (which is pretty much where my FH is at #possiblepornaddiction) but it is going to happen.

I hope you will be able to communicate with your FH and feel better. Good luck

It honestly does not bother me at all, I don't know if FH watches it, but I think it may be safe to assume he does especially when he is on business trips. We have a super healthy sex life and I would not even think twice if he told me he watches it a lot. It's not everyone's cup of tea & I get that. Anything that makes you feel uncomfortable you should be able to discuss with FH, don't let anyone tell you that you are wrong with however you feel about this topic. I am anti lap dances, meaning, you can go to a strip club but the minute your hands or someone else's hands touch you I consider that some sort of cheating, some of my friends could care less.

Honestly that’s up to you and what you think is right or not right. My FH watches it and I don’t have a problem with it

View Quoted Comment Emily thank you so much for this response! I relate to it so much and am so glad you reached out to me! This definitely helped. We have talked and he says he will no longer watch it, if I believe it, that’s another story. But at least he will try. I understand not doing it often for guys can be harder, but respecting our feelings should be priority. I have always had low self esteem and him partaking in that makes it that much worse. I’m glad I’m not the only one feeling this way. I hope you & your FH can work through this as well!