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Mrs. McMurry
Devoted June 2018

Positive outlook on marriage!

Mrs. McMurry, on December 22, 2017 at 12:47 AM Posted in Married Life 0 31
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As a future bride, I've found that many {dare I say...most?} things I've heard about marriage is how difficult it will be. Now, don't get me wrong, I understand that marriage and life in general come with hard times and difficulties. I also believe that love is a choice, as well as a feeling/belief. However, to be honest, it is a bit discouraging to hear constant negativity about marriage, and to have people tell me that marriage is "the hardest thing you'll ever do." The way I see it, I will be living with my best friend, the person I was created to be with. Because hard times are a part of life, I would much rather go through those with him by my side than have everything go perfectly but be without him. We are both committed to "until death do us part," and we believe in protecting the covenant of marriage. I do not have unrealistic expectations that things will always go perfectly, but I could honestly use some encouragement about the wonderful things about marriage. Thank you all in advance for your wisdom and encouragement!

31 Comments

Latest activity by Veronica, on December 24, 2017 at 2:21 AM
  • Orchids
    Master March 2018
    Orchids ·
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    As my grandma likes to say, nothing worth doing is easy! Of course marriage is hard at times, but a solid marriage makes SO MUCH ELSE in life easier!

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  • O
    Master October 2017
    O ·
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    Life is hard, and sad. My husband is the one I want to stand next to during those times, and get through those dark times to the good times in this life, in this world, and all those which follow.
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  • Megan
    Expert June 2018
    Megan ·
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    Marriage is the hardest thing you will ever do. Until (if) you have children.

    Hard doesn't necessarily equate misery. That's on you.
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  • O
    Master October 2017
    O ·
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    Ive learned to filter out people's negativity, and know their negative views on anything is from their experience, and is theirs, it's not mine.
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  • Mrs. McMurry
    Devoted June 2018
    Mrs. McMurry ·
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    Thank you ladies for your input. Tell me something about marriage that makes you happy!!
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  • Mrs. McMurry
    Devoted June 2018
    Mrs. McMurry ·
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    That's absolutely the attitude I've adopted! I can be excited about marrying the man I love while understanding that it won't always be perfect! Thank you, Nas. 😊
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  • O
    Master October 2017
    O ·
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    Something about marriage that makes me happy is having a partner to rely on, and do everything together; we have similar goals. Simply knowing I'm not alone.
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  • Mrsbdg
    Champion August 2017
    Mrsbdg ·
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    I felt this way too when I told people I was engaged or/especially on my bachelorette nights. I was constantly hearing "Half of marriage ends in divorce how naive/conceited/delusional/special are you to think yours will last?!"

    I know marriage is going to be hard and challenging. I would rather brace with my husband than alone! Try not to feel too down!
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  • Maria
    Master June 2018
    Maria ·
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    There’s a lot of negativity and many people project their own issues on you. That is worth ignoring. We went to a pre marital counseling weekend where different married couples gave talks and one couple emphasized just how hard it can get, but how much it’s worth at the same time. They shared a lot of personal anecdotes about their struggles and it was very eye opening and sweet at the same time. One thing to consider isn’t just that life is hard and you’ll have a supportive partner but that because of illness, trust issues, million other reasons, you may not always feel that support. When people harp on how hard marriage is they want you to consider the possibility that you may not like your FS for a couple of months, maybe even a couple of years. And navigating those tough times is worth it during the good times when you look behind on the life and family you’ve made together.
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  • O
    Master October 2017
    O ·
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    Exactly this! 🙌🏻I've told my husband we may never always like each other, but we will overcome it.
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  • OGJessieJV
    Master July 1867
    OGJessieJV ·
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    Difficulty teaches us to be better people. I don’t understand people who walk into marriage or parenthood expecting it to be sunshine and rainbows and get upset when people tell them there are going to be days that test them. I’m a realist and adversity has taught me resilience and work arounds in life that my more privileged peers don’t have. Learn that hard =/= bad, it means that you need to find a new way of dealing.
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  • Sarah
    Master June 2016
    Sarah ·
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    This. Hard isn’t bad. Hard is worth it. For the right person, anyway. As someone who has been divorced and has gotten remarried, I can 100% tell you that few people go into marriage expecting it to end. Unfortunately, sometimes things change and that can affect people’s mindset. However, if all people are saying is that it’s hard and not “you shouldn’t get married” “you’ll just wind up divorced” etc. take their words in and move on. It will be hard. Parenthood will be harder if you choose to have children. That doesn’t make it less rewarding/good.
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  • Sos0033
    VIP September 2017
    Sos0033 ·
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    Life is hard. Whenever I ask people what has been hard about their marriage, their answer is always like “we really struggled when Jeremy lost his job” or “life is just so crazy with 3 kids and Dave doesn’t help as much as I would like him to.” These aren’t even directly related to marriage. Two cohabitating adults with children would experience the same stuff.
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  • LillyBean17
    Master October 2017
    LillyBean17 ·
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    Committing your life to another person isn't sunshine and rainbows. It's work. It's a 24/7 job you don't get paid for that has even less tangible reward than parenthood. People aren't just being jerks when they say how difficult marriage is. They're making sure that underneath all that cheesy lovey dovey just-engaged glow, you're really considering what happens when you fall out of life and into life. Science proves it, you do not stay "in love" for very long. After that it becomes a conscious choice to maintain and build on your feelings for one another.

    A positive thing about marriage is that just as you make these sacrifices and work through all the bull shirt, someone else is doing the exact same thing for you.
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  • LillyBean17
    Master October 2017
    LillyBean17 ·
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    Stupid mobile, it was supposed to say "when you fall out of LOVE and into life", it did not autocorrect until the last second...

    Smiley cake cake of positivity
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  • OGJessieJV
    Master July 1867
    OGJessieJV ·
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    Building on all these things, relationships take work. I have to work to maintain relationships with my friends, with my family, with people at my kid’s school who I don’t like but are influential in allowing him to stay in his programme, all of this requires work and consistency.

    Your relationship with your spouse is no different. There’s days when you love them more than anything and ones when you wonder why?
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  • VC
    Super April 2018
    VC ·
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    I like this. Hard doesn't equate misery.

    What in life isn't hard? Wedding planning is hard. Undergrad and grad school is hard. Finding someone you love and want to spend your life with is HARD.

    But, all of these things are worth it. Ignore the nay-sayers and enjoy your new hubby!


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  • Maria
    Master June 2018
    Maria ·
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    Yes! I’m hoping for the same!
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  • Candace
    Expert April 2018
    Candace ·
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    Things are not going to be perfect, and that is OK! It's OK for something to be hard, it's OK to look at life and say, "this isn't how I thought it would be." You're life is going to change, and while it's going to be hard, you will get something out of it. You will find that you are stronger than you ever expected. You will find that when you don't expect it that life has changed into something you LOVE, instead of a goal you had. Your hard work in marriage will move you towards truly inspiring each other every day. Yes, marriage will be hard, which is what nearly every person I've talked to about it has said, but they have also stated that they would NEVER change their decision.

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  • ToBeMrsG
    Dedicated October 2017
    ToBeMrsG ·
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    I have an uncle who went through a bitter divorce years ago. I am not sure the in's and out's but I know it was ugly especially since they have a son. He had been pretty quiet and lackluster when the topic of my wedding would come up in conversation at family events which I understood and was fine with. He gave me a wedding card that he wrote, "Buckle up, it's going to be a longggg ride!" I shrugged my shoulders and moved on with more cards.

    That wasn't the only instance that this type of comment was said to us, as you mentioned. But that's OK because we know we wanted to get married. Just shrug it off and realize you made the right choice for you and your FH.

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