Possibly canceling our wedding because of family drama

This has nothing to do with your wedding. You may make the decision to not invite them, but otherwise you can go forward with the event as planned. Don't let this ruin your big day.

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The thing I left out in my post (good job brain), is it's being held at my parents property. And my sister is my maid of honor.

I've already had to change plans multiple times due to life and covid, but I really can't take the stress of planning this again.

So what is it you want from her? For her to pay you back for the utilities?

The wedding and the utilities are 2 separate issues.


Your parents are doing you a favor by letting you use their property. You're not punishing them or getting the upper hand by cancelling the wedding. By cancelling the wedding on their property, you are removing a huge burden on them. Your threat to cancel the wedding has no bearing or consequence on your mother or sister.
If relations with your mother is too strained, then don't use her property. Find another venue.
If relations with your sister are too strained, then don't have her be MoH, on the understanding that this could have lasting consequences. It may be best to do away with the bridal party altogether.
If you're too stressed to plan a wedding or to switch plans, cancel it because of you, not because of your mother and sister.
Your mother and sister are wrong. When you rent a room, you split utilities and rent accordingly regardless of how often you are home. Your belongings are still at the home. You can pop on any time. Any variation from the norm is negotiated in the beginning, not after the move out. But this is all separate from your wedding.
I don't understand why you are conditioning the wedding on an apology. It would make sense to say you're not invited unless you apologize. It would make sense to change the venue in case your mother decides to no longer let you use her property. It's petty and confusing to hold an entire wedding hostage over an apology that you're probably not getting and probably won't be sincere.

Like the others, I don't know what the wedding has to do with the cost of utilities.

However, I'm not sure why not having your wedding will be a punishment for them. Also, it feels like an ineffective way to win an argument.

With your additional information of the wedding on their property and your sister as MoH - if the day is going to be stressful and contentious - I would probably cancel as well. It might hurt your relationships further - but I do not know how you could be comfortable with the way it is currently working out.

I think you need to hash the utilities payment out with your sister. But I wonder if this was worked out before she lived with you? To be honest you may never receive payment for her share & you need to decide if this is something that is always going to bother & eat at you? Or can you forgive the non payment of the utilities & just know that you won’t be taken advantage of in future years?


Let’s talk about the wedding. Hosting a wedding is just a huge ordeal. Why don’t you sit down with your mom and talk with her…ask her what you can do to help? I have a friend that hosted her nephew’s wedding and it was months of stress & work. If your mom feels that you are being self-centered & not a team player, she may have some resentment. It is best that this gets discussed ahead of time. Can hubby also pitch in with mowing, mulching, or some of the physical labor? You have time to make the situation work & have the wedding you want but you need to show your family that you are a team player & that you appreciate them & their willingness to host your wedding. I know there are probably some past hurts, but now is the time to set that aside, address this in a mature way & show them that you care.

You said you are already legally married..............if this is all so stressful it seems like a no-brainer to cancel and use the money on something more long term.