Post-destination Wedding At-home Reception - Is it becoming more prevalent?

I've been part of three weddings that did this, and it was great! And I would agree that this is becoming more of a "norm" - especially for couples who elope, or want something small/intimate. A family member eloped several years ago, and then had a slight smaller reception at a restaurant a month later; a cousin of FH got married in South Africa with immediate family only and had a wedding-like reception (they wore their dress/suit and there was a formal seated dinner) a few months later; and my best friend recently did a pop-up wedding where 20 folks were invited and the following weekend they had an open bar, snacks and a DJ at a local bar. All three were great experiences, and for those where I wasn't part of the "destination" i never felt left out. Depending on how large and inclusive you want the reception to be, I'm not sure how "cost effective" it is per se. But if you are just renting out a bar or even hosting a BBQ at a family member's home, it certainly can be! In terms of wording, i've always been invited to a "Celebration of Bride & Groom," or a "Reception in honor of"...as long as it's clear that it isn't your actual wedding, I think lots of wording could apply.

The only thing I don't understand (maybe someone can help me out here) is why even bother inviting people that weren't invited to the destination wedding? How is this any different from an etiquette standpoint from a tiered reception? Why were those people not close/special enough to be invited to the ceremony but they are special enough to come to a dinner (and presumably bring a gift)? If cost is the issue I would say what I would say for any wedding: have the wedding you can afford and enjoy it.

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I had a DW and I completely agree with you.

I think if you elope with just you and your immediate family it's totally fine to have a reception back home. But once you start hitting extended family and friends at the ceremony it feels wrong to me. Just gift grabby.

Gift grabby to invite one set of people to the "real thing" and another set to the "consolation prize". It's really an opportunity for them to give you a gift. Some people counter with the "no gifts please" idea, but that's rude too.

I’m not a millennial, but this is what I’m doing. I didn’t want to not celebrate with my extended family at all, but the idea of a huge reception on the wedding day wasn’t appealing and was too stressful for me. Especially because there was a huge disparity in guest numbers between me and my FH. It will be a dinner party in a reception room. Something about it being post wedding takes all the stress off.

I guess it depends on your relationship with your families, but I’m not being gift grabby. I don’t expect any gifts at all in either of the events. We wanted an intimate wedding, which could mean I’d leave it at that, but I wanted my extended family to spend time with us afterwards, so we’re having a dinner party. In many ways, honestly, part of my decision was that I didn’t want to make my entire extended family and hometown friends spend a ton of money to travel—to either the tiny wedding I’m having or the original larger wedding I considered where I live. A 2-person family would end up easily spending $500+ on travel not to mention wardrobe and gifts, etc. and no doubt some would do it out of some kind of feeling of obligation even if they couldn’t afford it. To me, that felt selfish. I am also somewhat introverted—so the idea of making myself the center of attention for a huge wedding wasn’t appealing. But I still care about my family and wanted them to feel like I wasn’t thinking about them at all.

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Thanks for sharing this - and I absolutely share your concerns. Good luck and congrats!

We're doing this as a compromise (FH wanted like a 400 person bash, I wanted to elope). We're having just immediate family at our ceremony in Colorado and right now the reception list is about 250 for our reception at home in Minnesota. Idk that it's really much cheaper (and honestly not less stressful because my family is insane) but I am much less stressed about planning our reception since we'll already be married. I couldn't care less about gifts and our "reception" is a super laid back tacos and lawn games kind of thing. Though I do think I'll wear my dress again.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't see how it's the same as a tiered reception at all. Those events are the same day and likely same location or very close, so you're essentially asking people to make the same trip, just after all the important stuff is over.

As far as invitations/wording: we didn't do save the dates (for either) and we'll just send our reception invites slightly earlier than normal. Our reception invites say "you're invited to celebrate the marriage of..." And then on the back it's noted that we'll be married on (date) in (location). That last part I saw on a premade post DW invite and thought it made sense.

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We're doing something very similar and glad to see someone else doing it. My fiancee wanted a large wedding and I wanted just intimate and a few people. He comes from such a large family and I don't. We've opted to have a large reception at home in TX where we will have a courthouse wedding (as we will be legally married), then a small church wedding with family in NZ where we will be living afterward.

I feel as if the stress is less even though it can be complicated in different countries but its a compromise for both of us.

View Quoted Comment Some people may only want the very closest (immediate) family at the ceremony since those people will be shelling out money to be there and then having a reception back home for everyone you want to celebrate with. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a small intimate ceremony and a big celebration afterwards with all friends and family.

View Quoted Comment I’m not sure how that seems gift grabby. I am having a destination wedding and only inviting immediate family, not because my other family and friends aren’t “good enough” but because those people would have to pay money to get a plane ticket/drive to where my ceremony is and it seems rude of me to expect that of people that have jobs/kids they may not be able to leave. I’m definitely doing a reception at a later time not because I want a load of gifts but because I want to be able to also celebrate with all of my family and friends

It is not "gift grabby" to host a reception celebration after a destination wedding. Not any more gift grabby than having a bridal shower... I'm baffled by the people being so rude as to say that. Destination weddings are an amazing way to keep things small and intimate but don't take away from wanting to celebrate with those who couldn't attend the ceremony. As a wedding planner, there are no "wrong" ways of hosting your celebration. Do what you and your fiance want, and don't worry about other people's thoughts. If they are judgey, they shouldn't be there anyway.