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Beginner September 2017

post-marriage anxiety?

nicole, on October 24, 2017 at 8:43 AM Posted in Married Life 0 17

Anyone feeling major anxiety after getting married?? Ever since signing the license I've had constant anxiety! Anyone else???

17 Comments

Latest activity by Angelica, on February 1, 2020 at 4:58 PM
  • OG Kathryn
    Champion May 2016
    OG Kathryn ·
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    Nope, what are you anxious about?

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  • Monica
    Dedicated June 2018
    Monica ·
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    I think most anxiety is egged on by changes in routine, so probably just the big life change is making you worried....unless you feel that you've made the wrong choice? Let your FH know you're struggling so he can help you too but most likely it's just all the idle time now that your wedding is over and the big adjustment. Did you write all the your thankyous, reviews, etc for your wedding yet? maybe getting some of those big things done will make you feel better and give you some adjustment to this new phase.

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  • Chelsey
    Dedicated November 2017
    Chelsey ·
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    I think the first few months will be an eye opener, but we'll all fall into our grooves in time. I'm leaving a job I love, selling my house, and moving to island where half my animals can't go so I have to board them. I think for me, it's more of a change and living without my animals. If I didnt think my FH was the one, then we wouldn't be this close to marriage. I think you have to figure out what exactly is bothing you then work through that. IE for me its leaving my animals for a year... but in trade, I'll be with my husband our first year of marriage. If its something bigger than that, you need to talk to you FH. He might be able to reassure your mind. I think some nerves is totally normal no matter how right mr right is, ya know.

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  • Mrsbdg
    Champion August 2017
    Mrsbdg ·
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    No, I was overjoyed to sign it.

    What specifically is causing you so much stress

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  • KDoubleU
    VIP October 2017
    KDoubleU ·
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    Is it anxiety about being married or just general anxiety because of the change? Can you pinpoint it?

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  • Talia Willner
    Talia Willner ·
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    I'm a naturally very high-strung, high-stress person. During the time before my wedding, I had my wedding to pour all that energy into - and then suddenly, once the wedding was over, I found myself extremely anxious and antsy because I didn't have that to focus on anymore. That, combined with the change in routine, was enough to throw me into a nervous funk for awhile.

    I don't know your situation, obviously...it could be something like this, or something bigger causing your anxiety. Talk to your spouse about it, let them know how you are feeling (and if you don't feel like you can...well, that may be a red flag). Find a hobby, exercise regularly, do something daily to give yourself a routine. And I always recommend a therapist - even if you aren't having a major life crisis, a therapist can be a great outlet to help you explore the feelings you're having, and reassure you that they are normal and valid.

    Best of luck, and positive thoughts & good vibes your way!

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  • caitlin
    Super May 2017
    caitlin ·
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    Are you normally an anxious person? i definitely am, and i did find that after the wedding i was going back and worrying about certain things that we could've done differently on the big day, feeling bad i hadn't really connected in a meaningful way with some guests beyond the hello and thank you (my hyper-empathic tendencies suck sometimes), etc. if you can identify what's triggering your anxiety specifically--change in routine, post-wedding feelings/regrets, etc, you can try to just take deep breaths when the anxiety about it comes on, and remember that you are in charge of your feelings and thoughts. that often helps me. also if the anxiety is caused by worrying about specific tangible things, try and act on those things-write your notes, reach out to people, tick stuff off your to do list. be kind to yourself--you've just been through a major life milestone, it's totally ok to feel a bit out of whack!

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  • Constance
    VIP October 2017
    Constance ·
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    Not at all. In fact quite the opposite. I did not enjoy wedding planning. However, DH and I have been together for six years. We've been living together for five and a half, and we've had a joint bank account for maybe four years. On that front, nothing changed. But, when we were going through those changes, there was some anxiety.

    Can you elaborate on what you're anxious about?

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  • JustAnotherJessica
    Dedicated October 2017
    JustAnotherJessica ·
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    I'm struggling with the same, to some degree. We got married on Saturday and it was amazing. But now I'm thinking the reception had lasted longer, my vows had been more meaningful, etc. On top of those thoughts, we've been in a routine of a week together and a week apart for a year now and it bothers me a lot that we will have to continue that routine for a while longer. So I stress over that. But life circumstances require it and we can't do anything about it at this point in our lives. We got to spend Saturday night and some of Sunday together and then went our opposite ways. It was so hard to leave him this time. I won't see him again until late Friday night.

    I also have a high level of anxiety and a super stressful job. So now I'm not only thinking about what I could have done better for the wedding but I'm also stressed about work. I'm the sole HR person for 13 urgent care clinics and I'm so worried about something happening while I'm out and unreachable for our honeymoon next week. I have only been out one day (Friday) since I started a year and a half ago and I still had my phone then.

    I guess I'm saying this to say that I do understand where you are and that I'm there too and it's okay if you're a naturally anxious person. My DH knows that I'm like this and that it will continue so he does everything he can to help reduce my stress level. He's my calm in the middle of all of my crazy. I can literally breathe easier when we're together. That's how I know that he was the one. So while I do worry, I have no regrets.

    However, if these are new feelings for you, I encourage you to talk to your partner and consider counseling to figure out and fix the issues.

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  • N
    Beginner September 2017
    nicole ·
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    Thanks everyone for the responses!

    Im thinking its anxiety from both being "married" and reality is setting in now, and having him move into my house (i dont do well with change lol) all at one shot. I have always valued my "me" time and Ive been feeling like I won't be able to have it anymore since I'll be living with someone. and I do tend to get anxious sometimes with new situations

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  • MrsB
    VIP June 2017
    MrsB ·
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    We got married in June, and the first few months have been...hard. Not because of anything marriage-related (I love being married to H and our relationship is solid), but because of other things. One, we didn't really live together before we got married (I moved in permanently about 3 weeks before we left for the wedding), and I haven't lived with another human being in 10 years, so that's been a rough adjustment. Then I had to make some changes to my medication, because we want to start trying to have a baby...and tapering on/off mental health meds is awful. I was unemployed for a while, and I'm still only working part-time. H had to do a deployment. H's mom was in the hospital. We decided we needed to move to a bigger place when our lease is up.

    Point being? Life doesn't stop happening just because you get married. I think I had this (very, very, very) mistaken impression that life would be easier because I would be sharing it with another person. And it is, in some ways, but in most ways, it's not. I wouldn't change it for anything, but it's hard.

    Make sure to take you time. For me, that means going to yoga and out for runs by myself, since H prefers other workouts. And make sure you're expressing what you need to your spouse, and that your spouse is doing the same for you. One of our biggest conflicts so far has been that I like to sit at home, and H likes to go out. We've had to work on finding that balance.

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  • Liz
    Savvy September 2017
    Liz ·
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    I totally understand what you mean. I am usually a very anxious person, and I did not enjoy wedding planning. The thing is that during planning season I could always pinpoint my source of anxiety to the guest list, menus, hiring vendors, etc. Now that the wedding is over I am in some ways relieved to be done with the planning but also all anxious and uptight again without being able to narrow down why. It has nothing to do with my marriage, I am over the moon happy to be married to my best friend and honestly, it does not feel like life has changed much for us (we lived together before the wedding). Obviously it has, because we are now married and that is a major life event which I think can cause peripheral anxiety because of the change alone. My best recommendations are to exercise to keep your body in a good place and find time every day to laugh. I watch hilarious sitcoms or do ridiculous buzzfeed quizzes with my husband because humor is the best stress relief for me. You'll find your groove, and if you are naturally anxious that probably won't change but you'll find your outlets. Also, therapy really never hurts, if you feel like that is an option for you. Best of luck to you!

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  • RustyTheDog
    Dedicated December 2017
    RustyTheDog ·
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    Living together is a BIG adjustment, probably bigger than marriage because it so visually affects your daily life. Give yourself some time to get used to each other. The first few months we lived together was hard until we learned how to find our own me time, what things annoyed each other (dishes out? clothes on the floor?) and how to get a "groove" of who does what and how to live together. Just try to be compassionate and understanding and realize that it takes compromise and adjustment from you both. He's probably annoyed at his lack of "me time" too and by some things you do living together!

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  • C
    Just Said Yes May 2018
    Celeste ·
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    Hi Nicole,

    im wondering has your anxiety post Wedding calmed down and did you ever find the root cause?
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  • M
    Savvy March 2018
    Michaela ·
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    Probably like this void of things to do. It's over like shouldn't you be anxious about the caterer or photographer or something? But no, just a scary void
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  • G
    Just Said Yes April 2019
    Grace ·
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    I’m so glad I found this thread and that I’m not alone. I’m a naturally anxious person and I got married almost a week ago. Now I’m a nervous wreck and can’t pinpoint why!
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  • Angelica
    Just Said Yes July 2020
    Angelica ·
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    This is happening to me right now. Best to seek a counselor a Good one!
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