Post wedding shower 2 years later…

I would say this is a vow renewal as opposed to a wedding. I know it's semantics, but I'm not sure a shower and bachelorette is really warranted. She's been married for 3 years. I don't know if people are going to treat this like an actual wedding. I guess it's a know your crowd thing. To me, I've never seen a vow renewal after 3 years, with a shower and bachelorette etc.

In todays age I think it would be okay and since her lunchon was just mean to be a small I don't see why it would be a problem. I never went to aa bridal shower just bachelorette parties. I'm sure she just wants the whole experience as any bride would want. I always say to each is their own and it is her process so why not.

Bridal showers are for brides, not wives who are renewing their vows 3 years later.

Neither of these events would really be appropriate. The purpose of a bachelorette party is to celebrate one of your last outings as a single woman. Since the guest of honor is not a single woman, it wouldn’t make sense to host this event. However, you could still have a pre-wedding celebration for her! Just eliminate any “single lady” traditions, props, etc.
as far as a shower, this would definitely not be appropriate. The purpose of a shower is to “shower” the new couple with gifts to start their married lives together. This couple has been married and sharing a home for three years; asking for gifts would come off as extremely gift grabby. Instead of a bridal shower, you could host a bridal luncheon where no gifts are given. Or you could have guests bring alternatives to gifts, such as their favorite recipes.
Here are a few articles regarding the etiquette surrounding showers after marriage:

https://www.idostill.com/planning/planning-basics/vow-renewal-dos-and-donts/


https://blog.preownedweddingdresses.com/vow-renewal-etiquette-2/


https://www.marthastewart.com/7897245/etiquette-post-wedding-bridal-shower

I agree that this is technically a vow renewal, right? I don't know if showers are still appropriate for vow renewals. But I know this type of thing is happening alot due to Covid. Couples had mini weddings due to restrictions and now they're planning the big ones to allow all the guests to come who didn't get to before. If she did not have a bridal shower 3 years ago, maybe you could present it as a "delayed" or "belated" bridal shower. She doesn't have to register for gifts. I know others don't agree with this, but a shower is more than just gifts. It's just about showing up and celebrating the bride.

View Quoted Comment Except a shower would be one of FOUR times this “bride” gets celebrated. OP, you need to let your sister know a shower is absolutely not appropriate and she should not approach anyone else about hosting one for her. (Which she shouldn’t have done even if this was her actual wedding!)
Similar story—my DH’s cousin got married on the beach and had an at home reception with delicious catered food, music, etc. for 50 people. Later that same year, she had a shower. I brought a gift and showed up but I thought it was incredibly tacky, as I know did other guests. Then around their one year anniversary she had another “wedding” at an event center with more catering, a DJ, etc. for 130 guests. Again, I showed up but I was absolutely baffled. They were already married!! They already had a reception. Your sister shouldn’t have people judging her for these faux pas, and it would be a kindness to tell her.
I wouldn’t even throw her a bachelorette unless people have already been invited and it’s more of a fun night on the town for close girlfriends. There’s a reason why most bach decor/favors say Last Fling Before the Ring and other play on words that intimate the END of singlehood—it’s a party to celebrate a woman who is about to be married, not one who has been since pre-COVID.

While I'm all for a ladies party, calling it a bridal shower or bachelorette is misleading as those parties are to celebrate a change in life. She's been married for 3 years. I would tell your sister those optional parties are now inappropriate and confusing to her guests. Call it something else. She should also not expect gifts at her vow renewal either, and should not have a registry.

If you dont mind throwing it i dont see the issue. I wouldnt invite many people or expect lots of gifts, but if she wants the experience, as long as she foots the bill who really cares about etiquette and semantics. She still didnt get to experience those pre-wedding things and is now, again, pre-wedding.

That being said, if she's expecting a big spectacle and for people to spend a lot of money for it and have a full registry this far in when everyone else already knows shes married it would be a little odd. Having a party and playing games and calling it a shower I dont think is a problem though.

View Quoted Comment

"if she wants the experience, as long as she foots the bill who really cares about etiquette and semantics. "

Except that you're here, on the etiquette board.

We're trying to help this person not embarrass herself by doing something that other people may see as odd. Michelle's idea of having a ladies party is really a lot better. You could call it a ladies lunch or something like that, as opposed to a shower.