Hey, everybody!
Bride planning for an October 2022 wedding in Philadelphia here. I was recently at my parents’ house for Thanksgiving and the topic of wedding guests was raised.
Previously, my father had assured me I wouldn’t need to invite his parents or siblings’ families who lived abroad in the Philippines and SaudiArabia as attendance from those relatives was unlikely anyways due to financial reasons. At the time, I was apathetic and didn’t care 1 way or another, but thought my father’s logic was reasonable. Since then, I’ve realized how incredibly toxic my paternal grandparents were, especially my grandmother. When I graduated from university with the highest honors, she never once congratulated me personally (despite calling my father almost weekly). Which wouldn’t have been so bad, if she hadn’t hosted a neighborhood blowout in honor of my achievement and insisted that the announcement of my graduation be read at Mass.
So when I shared my annoyance at her commenting on my Facebook engagement announcement that she “hoped to witness my walk to the altar” and reiterated that she wasn’t going to be invited, I was taken aback by my father’s response of “We’ll see.” Now, to be fair, my father had a heart bypass surgery earlier in the year and his initial recovery was shaky, especially with COVID. Maybe he wants to be develop his relationship with his parents more because of that experience. Maybe he just wants to flex by inviting his parents to a wedding he plans to financially contribute to. Who knows? I just know I don’t feel comfortable spending $160+ on someone who obviously doesn’t care about me beyond what “honor” I can bring her, especially when the guest list already exceeds 150.
How do I remain firm, but kind?
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