Potluck - carefree or tacky?

I personally think its extremely tacky. but its your day...

It's the celebration you're hosting as a couple. Guests should be just that - guests. Do what you can with the means you have, but do not ask your guests to contribute. If you can do cake and punch, or a Sunday brunch, there's nothing wrong with that.

If you do it, maybe only involve those nearest and dearest in the actual pot luck (parents, aunts, uncles, close family friends). My cousin did this and it was actually kind of cool because we got to taste the signature dishes of each side of the family (every woman in the older generation seems to have that recepie that no one else makes like they do, my grandma brought her famous potato salad, her sister made macaroni salad). This works especially well if your family does this for other, less formal occasions, since the women are already used to making them for lots of people.

That being said-I would probably provide a main dish (something kind of casual) You could have catered bbq or fried chicken or something from the local deli.

And those that you involve-make sure they understand that this is their gift to you.

Tacky!!

I wouldn't have the guests provide ALL of the food. Provide a main dish at the very least.

There also is nothing wrong with a cake and punch reception.

If you do have people bring dhishes, there are many considerations.

How to keep them warm?

Timing?

If you are going to do that keep it to may two or three close family members who are going to do that and you provide a main dish and drinks.

It's tacky.

I think it depends on how your family/friends feel. If they know you can't afford it then why not. My Dad INSISTS I do something like this, but I just cannot, especially with 150 people, so we are saving the most we can so we don't have to.

This is a great site for a wedding where they had everyone involved to help make the food the day before and mostly DIY stuff. http://2000dollarwedding.com/2008/07/from-conception-to-reception.html

In my opinion it's extremely tacky!

However, if you decide to do this you need to make sure your guests are okay with it. Also, like Mrs K said, don't expect gifts since they are bringing their own food.

I definitely would not call your reception a "pot luck". VERY tacky!!

If anything, ask your closest relatives to make the food. Or you could even go to costco or sams club and buy sandwich trays, pasta, rolls, etc.

It really depends on your friends and family. It's a pet-peeve of mine to call anything tacky. Different people have different styles and we should respect that.

Do you have a community of people who often come together and enjoy helping and being a part of everything? If so, they will love to contribute and no one who matters will think it is tacky. You will have a wonderful celebration that everyone feels a part of.

I too like the idea of people coming together to help create the day and the sense of community and all that good stuff. I too am of the opinion that to each their own, but I would be concerned with the logistics of the day. How will people bring the food? Will you assign dishes? It is nice to have variety (like if aunty loo makes a mean bean salad everyone can enjoy it) but do you really want aunty loo feeling any stress about having to make and bring food? Something to consider.

I'll agree to disagree with most of you ladies. I think a potluck would be fine, and should be done in lieu of getting gifts. If you can afford to provide some main dishes, and have family/friends provide smaller side dishes, that's great. They are there to celebrate you and they love you, so if they are able to help and want to, I think that's great.

How big of a guest list do you have? If you have a large guest list, it might not work. If you are able to host the whole thing by moving something around in the budget, great, but I don't think you need to completely write off a pot luck yet.

Some friends of ours just did this because money is so tight for them but the way they handled it is what kept it from being tacky. Since the wedding was a backyard (the SIL of the groom) affair for both the ceremony and reception they added a special card in the invite stating that they would supply a few staples for the reception but they wanted to allow guests to bring a favorite dish for friends and family to enjoy also. They made a game of guessing who brought what and things like that.

If you plan it right it can be done without being tacky. We are doing something of this nature but our guests already know what they are bringing from past events that people are asking for.

I have to second Melody and the word "tacky".

As for a "Potluck", I would see what you could do without having others bring dishes. How about a dessert and drinks reception? Candy bar, cookies, cake, coffee, and drinks? A brunch reception is often much cheaper than a traditional evening reception. Friday receptions are can often run cheaper than a Saturday afternoon/evening. As much as my family participates in other family functions (birthdays/showers etc) with bringing dishes to pass, i dont know if they would be thrilled at the thought of bringing something for a wedding.

This sounds harsher than I mean it, but think of it this way - it's not your guests' problem that you guys have a small budget. The reception thanks them for witnessing and supporting your marriage so I think it's rude and kinda presumptuous to ask them to fill in the gaps. And you can't ask people to bring you specific gifts. I would rethink your budget line items and just host whatever you can afford on your own. Cake and punch is perfectly fine, there's no law saying you have to have a meal.

If this isn't unheard of in your circle, and if your guest list is made up of aunties and church ladies who are just itching to throw a potluck for any reason, it might be fine. But if that were the case I'm not sure you would be asking for strangers' opinions on it.

I would just say no.

Also the OP asked if it was "tacky". It's not like people are just flinging it around to be mean, they're answering her question.

It all depends on your group and how you handle it. Don't put it in the invitation and don't make it a requirement for every single person. Have your family and BP spread the message. Good old fashioned word of mouth to a select group who would be happy to help you cater your own reception. Also, you should have a few things you made or bought as well.

My reception will be a pot luck of sorts. It's just how my group does these weddings. When I announced I was getting married, the first thing they asked was "what are we bringing". I will prepare some things, and of course we are doing a cake and cupcakes, but the majority of the food is being handled by my friends.

I third Melody on the "tacky" issue. Obviously we hang out with different people, and come from different backgrounds, and anyone who thought that was tacky wouldn't be at the wedding

If you're willing to be as casual as a potluck, then over the next year just save up $10 a week or something - by the wedding, you'll have plenty of money to go to Sam's or Costco and get enough party trays to easily feed a wedding crowd.

I second Kris: the OP specifically asked if it was tacky.

I too have mixed feelings. My FH if from a large Mexican family. They seem to be offering all over the place to pay for stuff (aunt is paying for the wedding cake and grooms cake, cousin is helping with the cost of the DJ, mom is making Wedding Cookies for our dessert table, my dad is a chef and is including individual cherry cheesecake parfaits). I do not expect gifts from any of these people who are helping us throw a huge wedding on a very small budget. So I again, think that it depends on your family and guests.

It would have to be pulled off very well, and in some circles it will be frowned upon.

Also, if you have people that are traveling it makes it very difficult.

Definitely tacky in my opinion.