Potluck - carefree or tacky?

This is a tough decision. I know people who would absolutely hate a pot luck and I know people who would feel like rude guests if they do not bring food (and of course, people who wouldn't care either way).

One important thing to consider is whether anyone invited has any dietary restrictions and whether there would be ample food for them. My mom has very few foods she can eat, and I did not want to risk her going hungry. Also, I did not want anyone to worry about arriving late because they didn't time their dish preparation exactly right, or worrying that it might tip over in the car, etc.

If you have a caterer, or at least provide food yourselves, you have more of a guarantee that you have the right amount of food and ratio of main dishes/sides/desserts. Plus, if something goes wrong, you're able to go to a single source and ask them to correct the mistake.

Barbara, the more I think about what you have said about how you want the feel of you wedding to be the more I think that your friends and family may absolutely love the idea. It could be super fun. But you will want to take in the # of guests into consideration, and maybe restrict it to a small amount of people contributing. It's your day, you should do what you want!

Tacky. No way around it for me.

Tacky is a state of mind....

It's not what they call you...its what you answer to!

It's your wedding. do what you want and can afford to do

I second Ryan S' suggestion of setting aside $10 a week so that you can provide food for your guests by the time the wedding roles around. I personally just wouldn't feel right about putting all of my guests "to work" at my wedding, even if they said they were fine with it...

While we are not doing a potluck, a select group of volunteers are cooking, and we are asking our guests to do quite a bit to make our wedding happen on a tight budget. When we first started thinking about having a "homespun wedding," as my mother likes to call it, I sent an email out to all of our closest friends and family and asked their opinion. The response was tremendous and it brought me to tears seeing how much love and support we have. I have had more comments about how the way we are doing this wedding has made them feel important to us, involved, part of a community, etc. Several friends have had small potluck weddings and I think we all agree we wouldn't have done it any other way.

Not everyone would receive that response. There are definitely people who expect to be pampered at a fancy wedding. In short, I think you're asking the wrong people about how a potluck will go over. Ask the people actually attending the wedding. Hopefully you will be pleasantly surprised.

I do think it is Tacky.

Barbara W. - See Melody's response. I really think she said it best.

Don't do it! If you don't have enough money to pay for the meal, then maybe you need to wait a little longer to get married and do some more saving. If you do end up doing it, don't expect guests to bring gifts.

Tacky....It appears to be one of the cheapest way out of things at the expense of your guest.

I am doing what soon-to-be Mrs. K suggested: only having certain guests make food. I'm also having an hors d'oeuvres and dessert only reception. In my case, it means my FSIL is making the cake, my grandmother is making pies and some delicious hors d'oevres, my mom is making candy and more hors d'oeuvres, my sister is making a fruit salad and a veggie salad, my best friend is making some quiches, and I'm buying fancy cheeses and crackers, shrimp and cocktail sauce, etc. We're also providing all the alcohol and a hot drink bar (it's a winter wedding.) I will hiring one of my little sister's friends to coordinate the reception - aka, heat up things that need it (although we'll try to minimize those), serve drinks, etc. I know none of the people who are helping think it's tacky, and the others don't have to know. If anyone disproves...well I guess their approval isn't worth $15,000 to me. Do what is best for you and your true friends will support you.

P.S., Be sure to give thank-you gifts to those who help, and definitely make sure they know not to give you a wedding gift!

You might check out this article for some things to think about in that regard.

"I know none of the people who are helping think it's tacky, and the others don't have to know. If anyone disproves...well I guess their approval isn't worth $15,000 to me. Do what is best for you and your true friends will support you."

Hannah F - This is the best quote! I might have to steal it for anyone too snobby to enjoy this type of wedding

Edited for spelling and to thank 2d Bride for that awesome link. Wonderful article!

Thank you Serenity! You make me blush - but actually I can't take full credit - I'm actually a people pleaser by nature but have been really inspired by the ladies at apracticalwedding.com.

I say do what you want its your wedding and you know your guest better then us. If you know your friends and family will be fine with it go for it.

I feel like people are thinking in extremes. Just b/c you feel it's important to host your guests doesn't mean you're snobby or that you have to have $15,000 to get married. It's totally possible to completely host a wedding for $2000 or less where none of your guests have to work.

Now, my mom made our cookie favors and FIL played in his polka band at our reception. It's not like you can't accept help from people who WANT to be involved, but not every guest wants to be involved to the point of taking responsibility for the meatballs. And if you ask them, they might feel obligated or uncomfortable saying no.

You know your people better than we do. One of our friends' family is from Mexico and they homespun the heck out of her wedding. But that's a normal cultural thing, nobody expected any different. I still go back to the idea that if you're questioning whether it's tacky, then for you, it probably is.

Keep in mind, if you do do a potluck, make sure the guest lets you know or types out what it is and astrik any allergies on it

Caramel Crumble

**Nut Allergy** or

**Glueten Free**

it's extremely helpfull and hassel free

The OP asked if this type of wedding was tacky and the other ladies answered. The, "Yes, tacky." responses are not snobbery, they are honest answers to a question asked.

Having said that, in my culture, we never go to a house for dinner, without bringing something. We consider it bad luck and bad manners. The only exception to this rule are gift giving occasions. A wedding is one of them. Actually, we gift our guests at weddings via a meal, an open bar, a good time and favors.

If I am not mistaken, you were concerned that you were calling your ceremony a "wedding" when by its strictest legal definition it is not(no judgment call here). I think fostering a sense of community at your wedding is extremely important. Therefore, I think this may be one of the occasions even my culture would go over board to bring a side dish. Good luck with whatever you decide.

I've heard of this, and think it's fun! NOT tacky. It's YOUR wedding, if you want the flavors of everybody do it! It's a celebration much like anything I KNOW it was common place somewhere....I just can't remember where I read it.

I agree, you need to provide the main dish, be it pulled pork, etc. But the rest of your wedding needs to reflect the potluck feel. It should probably be casual as well.