Pre-wedding Counseling? How did it go?

Pre-marital counseling is great and statistically has shown better outcomes for marriages after receiving it. Our church requires that we take a group course but we were able to clear doing something one on one with marriage mentors. They asked all the questions that you listed above and then some (ie. "Are you two having sex?") Working through some of this stuff with a them has been wonderful. We have people to go to when we get in trouble and feel more secure this way. I was hesitant at first but it's been a blessing. It's part of the "support system" our marriage will need because that relationship you build with your counselor doesn't go away when the wedding ends, at least not in the church setting.

You mention none of the issues you have had were present there before the wedding planning. I think it's important to recognize that this is how you react when you are stressed. Over the course of a marriage you will have many times of stress so it's not "just" the wedding planning. How you react is not going to go away after the wedding, this is how you react. It's actually a really good test (wedding planning) to see how things will go during stressful times. Such as health issues, children, money problems, etc. Pre-marital counseling can really help with that and also address some of the small issues before they become bigger ones

I did pre-marital counseling for our own benefit and with a qualified therapist. I have found, through talking with my family/friends, that religious ‘counseling’ is not genuine counseling in the constructive sense. Religious seems to be a lot of affirming the sect’s outlined views or morals. I totally understand your frustrations with feeling like the religious leaders don’t account for context or stressors in their surveys. My family pressured us into meeting with a Catholic Church and we did two sessions. In our first session we had been given surveys and they were structured with heavily biased wording and we chose not to lie and during our second meeting and reviewing the answers the church refused to marry us.

If its causing you you a lot of stress I would urge you to search couples counseling through your health insurance’s website and see if they offer any coverage for a few sessions of counseling. This can help you if you want the actual skill-building for relationships.

If you just genuinely don’t want to go through the course of meetings for religious ceremony it’s time to sit down with your Fs and talk about how important it is that you continue this. If you both find it’ll be less stress to hire an officiant, go for it!

View Quoted Comment

Yeah I really am not in the mood to discuss my sex life with his pastor that's why it seems weird (they had some of those questions as well). I'd be fine to hash out chores, money scenarios, and communication skills but I don't think it will be very effective. Like I can tell FH to be less messy and help out with household chores til I am blue in the face and I have for the past 3 years of living together, I really don't think he's magically gonna listen to his pastor. I guess that's why I am feeling so negative going into it; is that it's not gonna be useful.

View Quoted Comment

You may be surprised. Ours was pretty outlined and showed us different communications skills. It also helped us talk about money and household chores in the context of what it means to us. Love languages if you will just expanded. Of course because it is in a religious context making sure you're following that denominations beliefs is probably going to be emphasized. We didn't spend too long on the sex stuff we were just asked to abstain until our wedding date which we joyfully agreed to do but we are both pretty devout to our faith so that wasn't a "problem". I can see how it would be for those who don't necessarily practice the beliefs of the church but still want to get married there or have an officiant from there. I agree with a previous poster that you may want to look into couples therapy through an MFT or something. It may be more helpful than religious counseling if ya'll aren't on the same page faith wise or aren't actively practicing that denomination. Just be prepared that you may end u p needing to find another officiant anyway in that case.

I recommend it! Even issues you don't want to discuss end up being put in a helpful light. Communication is key in a relationship and this really helps with that!

I HIGHLY recommend pre-marital counseling. FH and I only did two sessions because I’m a therapist and had already kind of used my education in couples counseling and marriage on us haha. But we had a great experience and at the end of our second session we talked about going back before any major life changes.


That being said, as someone who is in the field. No one wants to talk about their sex life until it’s too late. People wait until there are significant problems in a marriage to go to therapy and oftentimes they've wasted time that could have been used strengthening the relationship.

If you are uncomfortable because it’s his pastor and you’ll be seeing the guy every Sunday, I would share this with your pastor and FH and then find a professional outside of those circles. I COMPLETELY understand not wanting to seek counseling with someone who knows me and my friends/family. I would think your pastor would allow you to seek counseling elsewhere.