Pre-wedding Events

I don't think being an older bride means you shouldn't want pre-wedding events. But being an older bride, your bridesmaids may be more sidetracked with kids, jobs, houses, etc. then bridesmaids in their mid 20s so they may not think of a bridal shower. Has your MOH asked you about it? We didn't do an engagement party (no one offered to throw one) but I did have a bridal shower hosted by my mother and a destination bachelorette party in Palm Springs with 6/9 of my bridesmaids. We didn't have a couples shower since I had a bridal shower.

I personally didn't want either. But my FMIL is insisting on throwing a bridal shower. For my "bachelorette" party, I took a trip and made a long weekend with two friends. I didn't want anything more than that. I just don't enjoy attention all that much.

I'm a 40 year old first time bride and I had those thoughts as well. But I decided to go ahead with the pre wedding events as well. My MOH's will be hosting a bridal shower for me and they have plans for a bachelorette party too. Nothing wild and crazy...I'm not into bar hopping or anything like that anymore. But I trust they will come up with something fun. Talk to your wedding party and let them know that you would be up for a nice shower and/or bachelorette party.

While I’m a younger bride, we are a lesbian couple so it doesn’t seem like we are going to get either a bachelorette party or shower. I think I’d like one, but there isn’t really anything you can do about it (I don’t think?)

38 year old first time bride here, and I’m doing a bachelorette party & shower, it’s really a celebration of love and friendship. If anything, being older, the events are more meaningful as they are filled with life long friends who I’ve chosen to grow up with, and I don’t feel bad saying no to penis straws 😂

Early 30s and I won't have a bachelorette party or shower. It really doesn't interest me, and if I did have one then I would like something simple. My FH is in his late 20s and he went to Disney World with his friends. It was planned before we were engaged, but they sort of combined it as a mini-bachelor party. Although, he's kind of like me...it doesn't really interest him either.

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You're right about everyone being sidetracked! Myself included! But I would like a shower, at least. My MOH is my sister. She lives in another state, but we talk all the time on the phone. I think I'm going to send her to my FMIL, who is local, for planning that. I was hoping they would simply plan it without me having to say anything. But because we all have busy lives, not sure that's going to happen. So, I'll have to put a bug in someone's ear.

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Yes, I think I will talk to them. I don't want anything wild and crazy either! But I would like a fun evening out with my girls, if we can make it happen! Thanks for the advice!

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I agree with you that being older, friendships and relationships are longer, and makes the whole thing more meaningful. My bridal party consists of women I've known and loved most of my life! My sister (MOH), my cousin (BM), and my daughter (MOH), who, at 28, is the "youngster" among us! lol But my sister and I were very close to our cousins growing up, and that relationship has only gotten stronger and closer as we became adults. I'm so grateful that my cousin lives nearby, so I can see her whenever I want!

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No, there's not much you can do about that. However, I think every bride (even lesbian brides) deserves to have a shower, and a bachelorette party, if she wants those things! I second the advice of others on this thread. Talk to someone close to you (mom, sister, friend) and let them know you'd like a shower, if someone would be willing to plan one. Do you guys have a bridal party? If so, they are usually the best to reach out to about this. Or moms, MILs, aunts, anyone from the older generation, when throwing a bridal shower was a given. The etiquette police may disagree with me here, but I don't think there's anything wrong with telling your mom/aunt/MOH that you would like a bridal shower. As long as you don't throw the party for yourself, it's perfectly fine.

View Quoted Comment Unfortunately we have a bi of special circumstances; my mother disowned me, my wedding party is my two younger brothers who may or may not show up to the wedding, and due to illness (epilepsy resulting in frequent total loss of memory) I do not have friends. My only friend I can think of is about to be my wife. I realize that others have options, I just know that I am not one of them and that I will get to have the “bridal” feeling or attention that most brides experience.

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Oh Audrey! I'm so sorry! That's quite a list of "special circumstances." I too suffer from epilepsy, but I'm lucky that it's pretty mild, so I don't "suffer" too much. Most of my memory loss is very short term, and I recover pretty quickly.

Well, look on the bright side. You have your future wife! Maybe this is one of those "exceptions" to all the crazy rules of etiquette!! Throw yourselves a shower! You don't have to miss out on the bridal experience just because of those things. You just have to do it a little differently, that's all. My heart goes out to you!! Best wishes to you and your future wife!!

View Quoted Comment Aww thanks, Cristy! You’re sweet

I had a bachelorette party and bridal shower and absolutely loved it! I think for me, this was definitely more of a focus about spending time with friends and family who I don't get to see very often vs. the expected gifts!

- My bachelorette was in Austin, TX - which meant everyone attending had to fly. Since all of my bridesmaids live in different states, we all agreed that since no matter what we had to fly to a central location, let's find somewhere cool we haven't been before. I paid my share of the house and my plane ticket, and everyone else was so generous to buy me drinks and plan a private yoga class for us! I get to see these friends a few times a year so it meant so much to me!

- The bridal shower was more family oriented, and involved local family, hosted by my mom and aunt at my mom's neighborhood building/welcome center. This was a very budget friendly event as far as planning; my husband and I also had lived together several years already so this wasn't so much of a "furnishing the home" gift-giving event. But I loved that it was a chance for some of my extended family to meet some of my husbands extended family before the wedding