Preacher

I would definitely be furious. Especially since it sounds like he has already committed to your wedding. I would not give in and move the time. Also why the heck did he not contact you directly?! Is he not a grown man?! Why did he need to tell you through his grandmother?! I would tell them that you cannot move the time and that if he can't do it, you will just find someone else. That's absolutely outrageous.

Not ok. I would be upset too. I would not move your ceremony time so he can do another wedding that is ridiculous. I would honestly start looking for someone else, even if he agrees to do your ceremony at the time you all have planned; just on principle and try to find someone else to do it.

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I agree with this - however, I think you need to discuss it with your FH and make sure he's on the same page and understands where you're coming from - and maybe he needs to be the one to actually tell P that you're going with someone reliable - and why.

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FH is on the same page, we're a little dissappointed because we wanted P to marry us but after this. I mean I told FH that it upsets me, why would we want someone who's not 100% Committed there to do this? He said he understands and that we'll wait and see what P says and then move on from there.

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If you're on the same page, then definitely tell P his services are no longer required. It would have been bad enough had he called himself and asked about it - but to have his GRANDMA call?! That's just nuts (and immature).

I would reply with “no we can’t, and if you need to back out please just let us know so we have time to make other arrangements”

Find someone else. I wouldn't be willing to move my ceremony time at this point.

Have you talked to P yet? I think that should be the first step, since secondhand information can get distorted.

Even if he was asking if y'all would be ok with moving the time, I wouldn't necessarily take it to mean he isn't committed to you. What's the old adage? Ask and the worst they can do is say no? I would give everyone the benefit of the doubt here - that he was approached by another couple after you, that they're unwilling to compromise on time, and he figured he'd ask you how you felt before turning them down. Some people genuinely don't care much about the time, especially if the change is small. (I know I'm coming at this from the opposite perspective of the PPs, but my officiant asked if we'd be willing to move our ceremony back an hour, and I was fine with it. Apparently that's not the common reaction, but some people genuinely are ok with it, so yours might have thought it didn't hurt to ask.)

All that being said - you definitely don't have to change your time even if a minute if you don't want to. I would personally be more concerned about the fact that you didn't hear this from him firsthand. Unless the grandmother in question is his employee or you specifically assigned her as your point person for contact, I would make it clear to him that you and your FH should be hearing questions like that directly from him. Especially if you move forward with him as your officiant.

I would find someone else because it sounds like you spoke for his services first.

I think you are being ridiculous. You need not change, you can say to him, we will find someone else. But if someone else, also important to him, maybe more important to him personally, has asked him, that is not some awful thing he has done. And you do not mention this person is your best friend, or grandfather, only that he is a symbolic choice : He married your parents. But he is entitled to have others in his congregation is is closer to as a pastor, and a world of family and friends he is closer to than you. Get over yourself. He is doing nothing wrong.

Tell him your time is set in stone and proceed from there. I’d try not to sweat it too much without actually speaking to him. He might say “okay no problem just thought it couldn’t hurt to ask. ##oclock it is” . Did he specifically ask the grandmother to ask you, or could it have come up in conversation between them? With the bare minimum of facts, it could go any number of ways. I don’t think the question itself is worth getting mad over, but rather how things are and will play out. Ex : it’s a big difference if he’s trying to back out and making grandma the middle man pawn to try to sway you versus he said something to grandma along the lines of “oh so and so has a wedding the same day...” and things transpired from there. For all we know, he’s still fully committed to you. I also don’t think there’s anything particularly offensive about an officiant presiding over two weddings the same day if one’s in the morning and one’s in the evening , but rather if the timing was tight I’d be nervous about one running late. I also don’t see yet that he’s necessarily trying to get out of the commitment. There were a couple things that came up wedding planning where someone said “actually can we do XX” and I said “sorry no, that won’t work for us” and they said “okay no problem just thought I’d ask” and it was a non event. Talk to the preacher. Let him know your start time is set in stone. Go from
there.

UUMMMMMM............

I'd go with someone else.