Pressure

I don't understand why it's a big deal now, when you were okay with everyone picking their own style at the beginning. I think if you're not going to allow her to pick a different dress, then you should pay for hers.

I disagree with the prior comment about paying for it. But...could she pick a new style that’s the same color and fabric? I don’t think anyone would notice that.

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I think she would look very out of place in a different dress from everyone else since she ins't maid of honor. She had no problem with the dress when we picked it out. Now that she's changed her mind, I don't feel I should have to pay for her dress. If she didn't like the dress when we went shopping she should've said something then.

I can understand her sentiment that she wants to look good and feel good in what she’s in but I think it’s kind of too late at this point especially if everyone else is matching and she agreed on it

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Wouldn't it seem odd that she's in a different dress when everyone else isn't? If she were maid of honor I could see it being fine, but given that she's not I don't think she should be in a different dress.

View Quoted Comment I don’t think it would if it’s the same color and fabric with just a different neckline for instance.

View Quoted Comment I think if she's paying for a dress, she should be comfortable. Presumably, she's one of your nearest and dearest. If it's the same color, fabric and designer I don't think people will notice. She's a person with feelings and good for her for making healthy choices. She needn't be a prop for photos. I think if you're wanting them to wear the same thing and she's not comfortable (who cares if she was silent about it before? It obviously bothers her now) then you should offer to pay for it. I made sure all my bridesmaids felt beautiful on my wedding day because I love them and wanted to honor them. I also paid for all of their dresses so that they wouldn't have to pay for something on my account that they may not wear again. Even though they needn't have picked out the same dress. Everybody and every body is different. This is my opinion, and I'm sure there will be people who agree and disagree with me. But you did ask for opinions

I disagree. She should not pick a new dress and you should not pay for it. This is what you ALL agreed upon, is she going to keep changing her mind and want different dresses the closer it gets to your day. The only way I'd say that she can wear a different style dress is if 1 or 2 of the other girls pick a different style also, depending on how many girls in your party. The fact that she is asking this more than one time, is inconsiderate. She definitely will look out of place or like she is the maid of honor.

I don't think that its wrong to say no to a dress change. Dealing with a postponement and rearranging plans is already difficult enough without having to worry about something like this. While yes you should take someone who is clearly important to you feelings into account, she should have also taken yours into account. She agreed to this dress and had it altered so its not unwearable.

How many other bridesmaids are there? If there are a lot of other ladies, I can understand your concern of having one person look different from like five others. But as others have said, if she is going to pay for it, she should be comfortable. Is the style drastically different than the one everyone else is wearing? I only have two BMs, so I let them choose their dress with the stipulation that I approve it, as I wanted the styles to be similar (i.e. one person shouldn't have ruffles while the other did not). I will say it is pretty unfair she decided to change dresses just because she has more time now.

A few other people said she shouldn't have to pay for a dress that she's not comfortable in, which is fair, but she already paid for a dress that she was comfortable in. You don't need to buy her a new dress because she changed her mind. If she really thinks her modest weight loss means this dress is now unflattering, she can have it altered again so it fits and looks better.

Yikes. This puts you in such a difficult position. On the one hand, she is one of your closest friends and obviously you would want her to feel comfortable and confident in the way she looks. On the other hand, she is the one that said she liked the original dress. It’s not your fault she decided to lose weight and suddenly wants something different. At the end of the day, this is your wedding. If you feel it would really bother you to have her in something different, then it is completely within your right to request her to wear the dress she originally agreed to. (I have to say, I have worn dresses I completely HATED as a bridesmaid. But, I did it willingly, because it is what the bride wanted and it was her day, not mine) If you think about it though, and it really wouldn’t bother you all that much, I would probably just let her order a new dress and a style she feels more comfortable in. At the end of the day, you are the bride, and all the attention will be on you and your fiancé. I honestly don’t think guests will be focusing on the fact that one bridesmaid’s dress is different. I know I definitely wouldn’t be. So if you are worried about how it is going to look to your guests, then I wouldn’t even worry about it – I would opt to let her wear a dress she feels confident in. Either way though, I do not feel you are in any way responsible for footing the bill- she agreed to wear the original dress, and she made the choice to lose weight. If she is now making the choice to change the dress, it is up to her to purchase it.

Absolutely do not pay for her dress. She's the one who changed her mind.


I find it insensitive of her to nitpick over a dress when you had to postpone your wedding. Maybe she has never planned a wedding before and simply doesn't get it.
If she wants to pick and pay for a new dress, and stick out like a sore thumb, I'd let her. You may not like the aesthetic, but I'd pick my battles. Everyone should be in a dress they're comfortable in. Everyone will know she's not MoH since she's not standing closest to you.

I think if everyone has the same dress it would be weird for her to be the only one in something different. If in the beginning everyone chose something different it wouldn't be a problem, but I see no problem in telling her she can't change dresses especially since she previously agreed to it.

I think it's a little selfish of her to suddenly want to change. Yes being comfortable is important but clearly, when the dress was bought she felt comfortable. I would tell her no. I think it's very unfair to her that she is adding this added stress on you. You are dealing with a lot and having her just assume that she can change what she's wearing at what would have been the last minute had you not postponed is not nice.

I think as long as she can assure you it's the same color / fabric it shouldn't be a big deal. And if she's willing to pay for it out of her own pocket, it definitely shouldn't be a big deal. I agree with some of the pp that perhaps she remained silent and we all want to look and feel good about ourselves.

With all that's going on in the world, is her not wearing the same dress really that important? Is maybe losing a friendship over it that important? There's no harm in going with her and seeing the dress in person to ensure it matches in fabric / color.

I think I have to amend what I said a bit. I reread your original post and I didn't realize how late in the process her change of heart was. I don't think you should pay for a dress. I still might consider letting her pay for one she's comfortable in, but I apologize for my incorrect assumption from before. It sucks t have to postpone, and it's pretty inconsiderate of her to pressure you about it since if not for the pandemic your wedding would've happened by now (or way too close for her to have changed anyway).

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I agree with this completely! If she were MOH, a different dress would make sense (and if that were the case, if would have been the plan all along). But all the BMs agreed on a dress, so getting her existing dress altered really seems like the only solution here. If it's too big after alterations, then she should order a smaller size (or find an alterations place that specializes in this?). And NO, you shouldn't pay for her dress because she wants a new one. Side note: as I'm thinking about this, this may have to do with a body image issue...because I was just about to type out "Unless the altered dress looks terrible on her, ...." but then I realized it probably looks great to everyone else, but perhaps she now thinks the existing, altered dress highlights a problem area / area of insecurity for her? Maybe that's the reason for all the messages about a new dress? Just grasping at straws to try to understand.

Not wrong at all. They all decided on the same dress, she can't just change her mind because she lost a couple pounds. And like you said, it'd make more sense for the MOH to have a different dress, or if they all had a different dress - but just her would make no sense.

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Including the maid of honor there would be six bridesmaids. The dress the girls agreed is a one shoulder long dress. She has been sending me ones that are short rather than long so in my opinion a short dress would look drastically different than a long dress.